It was a pretty nice day out, the sun shone through the windows masking the house in a warm yellow. It was a Saturday and Alex hadn't left his office all day. I ran a hand through my dark hair while I felt around for an elastic with my other hand, I prefered keeping my hair out of my face it was easier.
I knew Philip was already awake, in the family he was the earliest rise. He always talked about waking up early to get more work done during the day or something like that. He was so much like his father it was kind of scary. I went to wake up Angie, A.J., James and John. A.J. shared a room with Angie. James and John shared a room and Philip had his own.
I went to wake up Angie and A.J. first when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see Philip holding a thick stack of papers. He seemed unable to meet my eyes and handed me the papers. "I'll wake them up." He whispered before passing me in the hallway.
I glanced down at the stack of papers he'd just placed in my hands. The cover page in Alex's handwriting read: 'The Reynolds Pamphlet.' Needless to say I was confused, I slid the cover page onto the table beside me as I dove into the long pages. My eyes growing larger as I devoured each word. About three pages in there were tears running down my face. I let out a choked sob and tossed the papers onto the table and curled into myself.
"Betsey…" I looked up to see Alexander standing there looking disheveled. His hair was a mess and he had bags under his eyes. "I'm so sor-" I cut him off by picking up the stack of papers and placing them in his hands and running out of the room.
I found myself in the bedroom I shared with that dirty cheater. My vision was blurred with tears as I sank to the floor. As I fell my hand got caught on a small wooden box that toppled beside me.
Dozens of photos and notes fell out beside me. I threw the box across the room and watched as the top came off when in hit the wall. It felt good, I wanted to destroy every last trace of his 'love' for me. I stood up as strands of hair fell out of my ponytail. I found matches in a drawer, did I really want to do this?
I heard a slam of a door and yelling, I recognised the voice as Angelica. I was definitely doing this now. I lit the match and burnt a photo of Alexander and I at The Beach. I burnt the part of the photo with myself in it, he could keep the photo. He just couldn't have me.
Soon enough the pile was empty. I dumped the ashes in a jar. I grabbed a write on stick and a sharpie. In a swift motion the words: 'The letters I burned' was written on the jar. I put the jar behind my back and exited the room, somehow the smoke detector didn't go off. I entered Alexander's office and placed the jar beside his laptop.
I was about to leave when I found myself face to face with him. "Eliza… I'm so sor-" He sounded sincere but, I still cut him off.
"Save it," I hissed. More tears fell down my face and I slapped him. My voice was wavering and all I wanted to do was yell, so I did. "Why are you never satisfied?! Why am I not enough!?" I picked up the jar and threw it at him. "WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!?" Glass shards shot out as the jar broke. I sank onto the floor. "Why am I not
enough?" I repeated.
Alexander sat beside me and I pushed him away. "I know this is no excuse but, years ago… I met my soulmate." He rolled up his sleeve to show me the name written on his wrist. "It was like fate, and I loved him. He loved me in return… I lost him eighteen years ago. I've never been the same since, ask Burr if you must."
It was rare that you'd meet your soulmate, I never knew about this. "That gives you no excuse!" I shouted kicking his desk chair over. "So what if he was your soulmate, you didn't cheat on him and post a huge pamphlet about it!" I opened the door and was about to leave when he called out to me.
"Eliza! Wait!" He shouted standing up from where he sat. He reached out and grabbed my arm.
I pulled it out of his grasp. "Don't touch me." I muttered. "And sure, I'll wait. Wait for you to fucking think about your actions before you make them!" He grabbed my other arm and I turned to face him. "You've ruined our lives Alexander, don't make it worse." I yanked my arm out of his hand and made my way down the hallway.
He followed me until I was just in front of our bedroom. The bedroom where he slept with her. I grasped the doorknob and turned to him. "Go sleep in your office, you spend all your time there anway. I'm sure you'll love being in your natural habitat." I entered the room and was about to shut the door when I felt him grab it. "When they're old enough, why don't you explain just what you did to our children?"
He let go of the door and I slammed it shut. With a click I'd locked the door. Tears spilled down my cheeks and I just couldn't take it anymore. I collapsed onto my bed and cried. The question I had asked him still ran through my mind.
Why am I not enough?
Why. Am. I. Not. Enough?
WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH!?
What would be enough?
I though I could be enough.
Guess I was wrong.