Disclaimers: JKR still owns it all. I write AU/OOC...if you want canon you picked the wrong story.

A/N: Hey, here's an old one even I forgot about. Hope a few of you like it.

HOW LUCY MET HARRY.

Our story begins with Harry upstairs in the bathroom humming happily to himself, as he gets ready to go to a muggle disco with some of his friends from around the neighborhood. He has been having a great time putting on his make-up and re-adjusting the line of his iridescent tube top so that his thirty-six C's won't pop out while he is dancing. He twirls around to admire the view of his midnight blue micro-mini that exposed miles of sexy toned legs. He was proud of the fact that even his almost spike heels with the delicate straps emphasized his dainty feet and fine-boned ankles.

He was spritzing himself with an atomizer of Anais-Anais perfume when he heard the door bell chime. He was just getting ready to dash down and answer it when he heard Uncle Vernon call to Dudders to get the door so the ungodly racket would stop. Harry blinked at his mirror image- note to self- give Uncle Vernon a pepper-upper potion before leaving. (It could conceivably improve Aunt Petunia's temper also. Not the potion, Silly, the results of the potion!)

He grabbed the vial and dashed down the stairs. He was in the sitting room handing Uncle Vernon the vial to drink when he heard Dudley call, "Harry! Your friends are here. Are you ready?" Then he heard Dudley say, "Come in, come in! I thought I heard Harry say you were all going to the Disco though. Your robes are going to be much too hot and uncomfortable for dancing. Anyway, do come in!"

The gang of Death Eaters at the door was totally confused. Harry Potter seemed to be expecting them? They were dressed incorrectly? (A.N.: -we thought that we'd ask it for you.) Lucius and Snape both removed their masks and blinked at each other. The other Death Eaters, seeing Snape and Malfoy remove their masks, also removed their masks. NO one dared to ask Lord Voldemort what was going on- from the look of surprise on his snake-like face, he too was confused.

And then they were all beholding the most incredibly luscious sight any of them had ever seen. Harry Potter dressed up and ready to party was a damn fine figure of a transvestite. His breasts defied gravity better than Pamela Anderson Lee's (that was the model he used I think. No, wait! I am pretty sure it was Brittany Spears. Anyway, I know it was not Angelica Jolie because he did not have the good sense to transfigure the butt also- wonder boy was looking kinda' flat back there if you know what I mean.)

And then the gorgeous little minx opened his mouth. "Sorry to make you all wait." Then he blinked at Voldie and husked, "OH! You great sexy beast! If I knew you were waiting I'd have been here an hour ago with bells on!"

Voldemort was completely stunned! So much so that his chin dropped down on his concave chest and he was heard to hiss, "OH Yessssss!" His normally red eyes glowed a healthy blue (first time in fifty years) as he tried to remember exactly why he was standing in a muggle house oogling a pair of breasticles that seemed to have a life of their own seeing that they were jiggling pleasantly in front of him.

Lucius Malfoy could not subdue the spike of jealous rage that flared through his body. No way in hell was Snake Face going to destroy this work of art! Before he could even think things through clearly he had drawn his wand and shoved it right up against Voldemort's spine while shrieking AVEDA KEDAVARA! As the snake man's eyes flared open and the old ticker ground to a halt, Lucius grabbed him and slung him right out the door.

The other Death Eaters merely kicked the carcass off the sidewalk so that the gorgeous creature would not get its shoes dirty as they all left. They turned back to watch Mr. Malfoy. After all, this was a young Death Eater training mission.

Lucius wasted no time in presenting his suit to the ravishing little wizard in front of him. After clearing his throat gently he summoned his most seductive smile and said, "You'll be wanting to meet me, Lovey. I'm much younger than him and a lot better looking."

Severus Snape murmured, "Quite!"

Harry smiled a gamine little smile and wrinkled his nose. "OK! But first we really have to do something with your outfits." His wand glowed steadily for about a minute as the spells flew thick and fast. When he was finished the Death Eaters in front of him were wearing tight leather pants, bitch-kickers, and blue-tinted sunglasses. (Fragonknight03 insists that their hair has to be gelled back in spikes)

As the boys trotted out the door and down the sidewalk they did not notice that Draco was not following. Just as he was about to close the door on his way out Dudley had grabbed him and hauled him into his massive arms.

The two of them stood there looking at each other, the door still wide open when Vernon walked back in and asked Dudley who had been at the door.

Vernon missed seeing the petite Draco tucked into Dudley's massive side. Dudley did not want to give up his prize so he just shrugged casually and said, "Harry and his friends just left for the disco. But, there is a dead guy lying on the lawn just outside the door. Do you reckon we ought to just leave him there?"

Vernon gave a disgusted little shudder (meaning that only half of his ample frame shook instead of the whole thing) and called for Petunia. "Pet, Dearest? Could you ring round to that Frogg lady's house and tell her that there is a really ugly dead snake-like guy in the yard that needs taken away before the muggle police finds him. And ask if they can do it before Harry comes home."

Dudley clutched his new Malfoy toy and asked in a curious tone of voice, "Why is everyone worried about Harry?"

Vernon squinted his piggy eyes at his dense son. "Did you not see the way he was dressed when he left here? We should be worried!" Draco nodded vigorously and added; "Listen to your dada this time, Duds. He knows what he is on about."

Dudley just shook his head. "What? I told him before that his skirt was too long, and he really needed to do something about his flat butt. But he grew some nice boobs!"

Petunia lit up like Tinkerbell when Wendy got caught by the pirates. "Did he finally get that spell right?"

Dudley was busy leering at the little Malfoy, but he still had the presence to answer his mother. "I'll say! The knockers looked bloody awesome!"

Petunia gave a little squeal of delight and after smiling at her husband and nodding toward their bedroom, she meandered that way while humming something along the lines of 'I'm in the money'.

It did not take long for Blaise to start complaining. "If Harry gets to be a girl, I get to be a girl too. Only I want a butt."

Harry stopped in front of a plate glass window and looked into it. After checking to see what Blaise meant he gasped. "Why didn't anyone tell me my butt was so flat," he said in a semi-hysterical whine. It was only a moment's work on his part to fix said imperfection.

Then turning to Blaise he gushed, "Oh thank you, Blaise! I just can't believe no one else would mention that to me. I owe you soooo much!" He proceeded to change Blaise's figure into what he wanted then changed his clothes to match. This time it was a short black dress that left very little to the imagination. The results left Blaise cooing with satisfaction until he noticed his hairy legs.

"Are we ready to go now?" snapped Crabbe and Goyle.

"No! We're not leaving until someone casts a shaving spell on my legs. And for Merlin's sake someone do something with my underarms!" Blaise screeched.

Crabbe looked at Goyle and muttered, "That stupid bitch is worse than my mother! And he doesn't have half as much hair."

Meanwhile Severus was heard singing very softly, "I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can deny. When a girl walks in with an iddy biddy waist, and a round thing in your face you get...OUCH!" Mr. Potter's delicate little hand hurt like hell when it connected with his cheek.

Harry turned up his nose in a huff and said, "Serves you right you big pervert!" and stormed off with Lucius in hot pursuit watching Harry's now attractively rounded derriere.

Severus idly cast the shaving spell on the young wizard so that he would have baby smooth legs and pits. As a thank you, Blaise giggled and cooed, "Come on Sevvy, I'll dance with you."

Hours later the tired but happy band of Death Eaters returned Harry to #4 Privet Drive. They all sang badly as they staggered up to the door and kissed him good night (on the hand- the only one allowed to do more was Lucius and all he got for his trouble was a light kiss on the cheek. Come on you lot- stop acting like slags- this was their first date!)

Harry glided dreamily into the sitting room to turn of the lights before going to bed. He head was still full of dreams of dancing with Lucius when he noticed Draco was sitting on Dudley's lap. He cocked his head and watched as Dudley petted Draco's long silvery hair, murmuring all the while, "It's so real! I can't believe someone as gorgeous as you really exists." Then the hand would gently caress Draco's hair again and he would repeat, "It's so real!"

Draco looked up at Harry, a content smile on his face. "Did you have a nice time dancing with daddy, Harry?"

Harry smiled a genuine smile that lit up his whole face. "Damn, Draco! Your da is a marvelous dancer."

Draco just sighed happily and leaned back into Dudley's bulk.

Finally Harry spoke. "Draco? Does your father know you are here? You had better come upstairs with me and we can send Hedwig with a message." Then glaring at Dudley he added, "And you had better not argue with me on this, Dudley, or I will tell Lucius that you were trying to kiss him on your first date. And that ain't cool because Lucius is really old fashioned about courting and if you ever want to see Draco again you had better get up to bed yourself-NOW!"