You're supposed to regret the things you didn't say and didn't do, not the things you took chances on. Your past, even the mistakes, are supposed to be memories made and lessons learned. You're supposed to grow, become a better person, change your future based on your past. But what happens when you're stuck in the past?

The air in my room was hot and muggy, despite the cool December air blowing through the window. My mind was a haze and my heartbeat was so loud and rapid I thought it was going to explode any second. Everything seemed so hectic and chaotic, yet slow. It felt like I was watching a movie in slow motion but I could feel the heat of the moment in every pulse in my body. My hooded eyes were taking on the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen, but it still felt like a dream. A dream I couldn't let go.

I pulled myself out of my daze and gripped the waist above me and shuttered when a soft, beautiful moan escaped her lips. I risked a glance up at her but I was memorized and couldn't break the stare. Neither of us spoke. There was no need too. We understood every ounce of emotion with the desire we each held in our eyes. Her usual crystal blue eyes were shaded over with a dark lust that I had never seen before. This was by no means our first adventure, but this was different. It was the first time it was purely love, with physical needs aside. This wasn't an animalist lust that took over her, it was a deep desire. A need. It caused me to stop breathing and cling onto her hips even more. I dug my nails into her waist, simply to control myself. But it backfired. Her beautiful, plump, pink lips separated into the perfect oval shape and she let out an audible whimper.

She leaned her neck down and captured my bottom lip in a sloppy, wet kiss lingering it by capturing my lip in her teeth and pulling it towards her. This sent a jolt through me as my hand immediately grabbed onto her shoulder blades causing red scratches to appear along her slender black. As if that alone wasn't enough to send my heartbeat into overdrive, she pushed her knee into my center and continued to grind roughly along my leg, leaving a light wet trail with her. Before I knew it, a loud moan had escaped my own lips.

I grabbed onto her shoulders and flipped us so that I was now on top and watched as her long, blonde locks flew against the white pillowcase. I pinned her down and watched as her eyes, still full of desire, scanned my body. I shoved my knee back into her center and covered her muffled moan with my mouth as she granted my tongue entrance. Her hips bucked against my leg as the make out session turned too heated to just leave at kissing. I snaked a hand between us and buried my head in her neck, leaving clear hickies that we would have to deal with in the morning. As I slipped my fingers between her slick folds and brushed past her clit her breathing became hitched and increased into heavy pants.

"Ugh, Sa-San-taa-tana. Pleaseeee". She drug out as I lowered my fingers around her center. I pushed back and gazed into her eyes.

"I love you." I whispered against her lips.

"I love you." She panted as closed I the distance between our lips and pushed two fingers into her.

"DIIIIIIIIIING, DIIIIIIIIING, DIIIIIIIING, DIIIIIING!"

I jumped up my bed in haste and scanned the room. I looked at the alarm clock: 7:30. I peered down at my wet sheets and myself; I was drenched in a cold sweat. It was a dream. A nightmare. A memory. This is what my life had become; dreams of us.

My name is Santana Lopez, I'm 19 years old, a freshman at Columbus State, the year is 2012 and I'd like to tell you my story of lust, love, heartbreak, healing and hopelessness. I must warn you though, I can't promise you all soul mates end up together.

It all starts in the spring of 2009….

I could feel the blistering heat burning my already tanned skin as I lay on the freshly mowed class behind the old elementary school. Two years of being on the Cherrios and I still wasn't used to the extra long practices in the Spring heat. How was Ohio even this hot in April? At least it was the first week, which meant Coach Sylvester would be getting so frustrated with the upcoming freshman that there would be plenty of breaks.

Sophomore year meant being in control of the JV squad and I was not about to deal with these immature Jr. High girls that could barely do a cartwheel without falling over. Quinn, my best friend and co-captain, had gone over the list of hopefuls with me before practice had begun. I only recognized a few, and I wasn't too happy about them. Rachel Berry, a short brunette that resembled Toucan Sam so much, it was too easy to make fun of the poor girl. Granted, she was loud, but in and annoying chimpanzee' kind of way.

There were a few others names that looked familiar but only one other that stood out. In bright fucking letters. The letters basically screamed out and slapped me in her face. Brittany Pierce. It's not like I hated her…well yeah I did. I'd never even met her but I hated her. Her cheer reputation followed her (the girl was amazing) but so did her social life. As far as I knew, the girl was "a fun time". At least she was according to my newly found ex-boyfriend, Noah Puckerman. He would know, he did hook up with the blonde the day after we broke up. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly thrilled to see the girl everyone deemed my "replacement". Sure it was just a hook up, but I was not about to let an underclassman come into my territory and take over. Just wait until Blondie decided to show her face at practice, she'd get a taste of Lima Heights and remember that freshman don't cross Santana Lopez.

. ...Of course that's what I thought until a dark shadow cast over my body. I opened my eyes and squinted as the bright sun pushed it's way into my eyes. Someone was standing in front of me and I couldn't figure out whom it was. I cupped my palm above my eyes in an attempt to get a better view at whoever thought it was okay to stand inches away from me. Since it didn't help, I looked forward. That was my first mistake. Long. Toned. Tan. Legs. My breath caught in my lungs. I've never seen legs like that. I didn't even realize I was staring until I heard the person cough.

"Um, hello?" the person barely spoke above a whisper.

My eyes darted up to where the voice came from and I couldn't believe what I saw. Santana Lopez was not cheesy, but I swear it was like a scene from an overpriced chick flick. The sun shined behind the figure like a halo, reflecting every outline of the girl's toned body. Her blonde hair was in a sloppy ponytail off to the side, while her light purple and yellow tank tops hugged her small waste and perfect breast…wait. What the hell am I talking about? Did I just say girl? And…and breasts? This is not happening. I don't like girls. I am NOT gay. Santana Lopez does NOT think about girls li-…. Holy shit. Those eyes. Are eyes even allowed to be that blue? They looked like the oceans in Jamaica I saw last summer. No, no those aren't near as blue. They looked like a spring sky, in the middle of the day when the weather's just right. No, no, no. That can't be it; they had a sort of grey to them. Maybe it was a cloudy spring day. That's it, a cloudy spring day in Jamaica in the middle of the ocea-

"So, are you like okay? Do you need help up or what?"

"Wha-what?" I must have been staring (again) for some time because when I snapped out of my thoughts the girl above me had the most confused expression.

"I asked if you needed help up, practice is starting…"

"Oh, yeah.." I strained as I grabbed her hand and she pulled me up from my place on the ground. "Err…thanks" I mumbled as I dusted off my cheer shorts.

Before she could reply the toucan began her rant, "Brittany! Come stretch with me! We have to be sure to adequately stretch our hamstrings. My dads said it could potentially harm my chances on Broadway and I am not willing to risk that over a silly high school extra curricular activity."

Brittany turned and gave me a half smile…wait…Brittany? Brittany Pierce? This was not Brittany. I did not just have a Notebook moment with the girl I'm supposed to be going Lima Heights on. Are you kidding me? I was furious. She was beautiful. Like I needed that addition to me already hating her. It looks like it was going to be a much more difficult year than I had expected.