DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK

Kenny McCormick had done a lot of things. At age of fifteen he had already visited more countries than most people do in their whole lifetime, and had seen more celebrities than you can imagine. He was giving Liane Cartman a good run for the tittle of biggest slut in South Park, and had tried almost every drug in existence. And on top of all that, he had died for few hundred times, and seen both Hell and Heaven, and met both God and Satan.

And despite all that, there were still some things that managed to suprise him.

Kenny walked from school to home, simply because he couldn't afford the bus ticket. Being from the poorest family in town sucked. When he walked past Tom's Rhinoplasty, he saw a familiar figure in black robe in dark alley.

''So what is it going to be this time?'' Kenny turned to look at the figure. ''Beating yesterday won't be so hard. Escaped convict breaking my neck was pretty unoriginal even for you, Death.''

''I am not here to kill you.'' Death said. ''I'm here to make you a proposition.''

Kenny started thinking about what Death could possibly want from him.

''Do you know how old I am?'' Death asked.

''No.'' Kenny answered ''But I'm guessing that you're over million years old.''

''I am even older than you can possibly fathom.'' Death said ''I remember when your species was still some bacterias swimming in the oceans. And do you know how many vacations I have had during that time? NONE! But I am planning to take one now.''

''Why are you telling me this?'' Kenny asked.

''I want you to be my replacement for next week.'' Death said.'

''And why would I do that?'' Kenny asked.

''To get a taste of what's coming to you.'' Death said, and Kenny looked confused, so Death continued. ''I am planning to retire some day, and you are one of the top canditates for becoming my successor.''

''Why me?'' Kenny asked.

''Because you know more about death than most people.'' Death said. ''So do you want to get firsthand experience of your possible future occupation?''

Kenny tought about it for a minute. ''Yes''

''Good, you will begin Monday.'' Death said, and started laughing.

''What's so funny?'' Kenny managed to ask before being crushed between a car and a building.

''I told you to turn right Marty'' An old woman riding shotgun said to the driver.

Monday came faster than Kenny expected, and as he woke up and went to his wardrobe, he noticed that his orange parka wasn't there, and it had been replaced by a black hoodie. He pulled the hoodie on, and noticed that there was a letter in the pocket of the hoodie, and a large scythe had appeared to his bed.

He grapped the scythe, and as soon as he got hold of it, he noticed that he wasn't in his bedroom any more. He was in Hell, and he was approached by two boys, who were around his age. One of the had blond hair, and wide smile, while the other had black hair and face so empty of emotion, that even Craig would have been jealous.

''Kenny, splendid to see you.'' The blond boy said.

''You too Pip.'' Kenny said, and turned to the black haired boy. ''Thorn.''

''McCormick.'' Damien replied.

''So what are you guys doing here?'' Kenny asked.

''Death appointed us as your assistants.'' Damien explained.

''We shall have a gay time together.'' Pip said. ''And by gay I mean jolly and not that kind of relationship people think that Damien and I have.''

That suprised Kenny. ''Wait, so you two are not, you know, together?''

That question managed to whipe the smiled from Pip's face, and Damien's face and eyes started to turn red from anger.

''If you weren't death I would kill you for asking that question.'' Damien said, and fireball shot out of the tip of his finger, and it hit Mussolini, who was burned to death.

'' Oh mein Gott, tötete er Mussolini'' Hitler shouted.

''Svoloch'' Stalin replied.

''Rigth-o Kenny, I think now would be good time to open that letter'' Pip said.

Kenny opened the letter and red.

Kenneth McCormick

I have chose Mr. Thorn and Mr. Pirrup to act as your assistants during your time replacing me. If you have any questions, ask them. DO NOT DISTURB ME. Both of them have the list of people you need to kill. You will only kill those on the list, and nobody else (I know that killing Mr. Cartman sounds tempting, but killing him now would lead into great disaster.) And you will not, in any case leave anyone on the list alive.

Death

''We better get moving.'' Damien said. ''So many people to kill, so little time.''

Authors Notes: Some parts of this fic's plot are inspired by Supernatural episode ''Appointment in Samarra.'' And also, if you think you know the translation to what Hitler and Stalin said (it's pretty easy) shoot me a PM. I will think of some reward for first three people to translate it correctly.