Ichigo's Miraculously Wonderous Discovery
Author's Note: I don't own Bleach and I never will. It belongs to Tite Kubo and all his peoples. This piece of writing is what happens when I'm bored. Yeah.
One hot summer night, Ichigo had a dream.
Ichigo was sitting in a hot tub in the middle of a parking lot. But he was not alone. With him were three beings. One was a blue flamingo. The other, an emu, with an abnormally large beak. The last being was a man, an awfully familiar man. A man with four awfully familiar feathers that adorned his face, two red, two yellow. The awfully familiar man could be no other than the one and only Ayasegawa Yumichika.
"Hello sexy," Yumichika whispered seductively into Ichigo's ear, fluttering his eyelashes and the feathers. The feathers looked mighty sexy to Ichigo right then..
"You flatter me Beautiful…" Ichigo whispered right back. In response was a hungry growl erupting from both of their throats.
What happened after that was a blur, a censored blur for the fact of keeping this fanfiction with a rating of T, plus the author can't write lemons, but by the time it was over, Ichigo discovered something frightfully miraculously wonderous about himself.
Ichigo woke up with a start. "I'M GAY!"
Suddenly everything made so much sense. He hadn't felt this refreshed since Kurt and Blaine got together in his favorite show. It was beautiful…
Anyways, suddenly overcome with joy at his newfound discovery, Ichigo felt the strong urge in his muscled buff pecs to show off to the world who he was. He leapt up out of his bed, as a burst of fresh air billowed in through his window, swooshing, his orange hair, and drying off all of his sweat. Today was a new clean day! He smiled at himself while putting his hands on his hips daintily, and rushed downstairs to tell his family.
"Oyaji! I have gggreeeattt news to tell you!" he yelled, raising his hands up in glee.
Although he was just about to do his daily routine of 'surprise' kicking Ichigo like all loving parents do, he paused. "What is it my dear boy! Have you and darling Rukia-chan finally made me some cute little grandbabies?" he asked, excited.
"No you silly goose, I'm gay!" giggled Ichigo, "Isn't that awesome?"
The whole room was suddenly dead quiet. Yuzu dropped her rice picker-upper spoon. Everyone in the room was shocked, pretty much except for Karin. She had already figured it out. Why else would he never try to get it on with any of the girls that hung out with him? So she just returned back to eating her rice like before.
Isshin's voice then turned dangerously low. "What about my third daughter? And what about my grandbabies….?" He apparently really wanted those grandbabies. His eyes turned red and into a death glare.
"Well my future hubby and I could always adopt!" Ichigo exclaimed, clasping his hands, oblivious to the dark mood sullying the room.
"MY... GRANDBABIESSS!" Isshin roared as red and black tendrils emitted and waved around around him.
And in an instant blast of reiatsu, gay Ichigo was gone. No one ever saw him again.
THE END
FYI I hope this doesn't offend anyone 0_0 It's not meant to. Just something to squash my boredom. The next chapter is an alternative ending/story for Ichigo where he actually makes it out of his house to share the good news. Either that when or when he enters soul society next and continues his journey of spreading the discovery. Haven't decided yet. Or if I'll even do it.