Jo woke up in a cold sweat it had been 3 months since she had told Alex about her past and her nightmares had returned. She thought back to her childhood, bouncing round and around foster homes , only one person who really cared about her.
"I've changed since then, I'm stronger now, I have money and friends, and I have a house with people who care about me… well at least I think Christina cares about me it's hard to tell with her," Jo whispered, there was nobody else there she was reassuring herself trying to find about of strength to stop herself for what she really wanted.
It was useless; she rolled up her pyjama bottoms until her right thigh was showing bringing scars old and new with it there were millions of them. She reached into the drawer next to her bed, pulling out a blade from her razor. She pulled it across her milky skin, this part of her body wasn't smooth like the rest of it was rough and bumpy with scars covering it red and purple. Watching her blood pour out of her new cut Jo sighed, she didn't see it the same way as others did it wasn't a dangerous addiction, a need for pain or an emotional realises. It was a way of her having some control in her life, just as her eating and exercising was.
"Jo can I come in?" Alex called from the other side of the door causing Jo to panic, nobody at the hospital knew about this and that was the way she wanted it to stay. She wasn't stupid, she knew what she was doing was dangerous and she should stop or she would end up killing herself, but she didn't want to, this was her way of getting through a hard day it has been since she was 14, if it was cutting, Skipping meals or purging or excessive exercise.
"Jo?" Alex called again brining her back to reality. She jumped up shouting to give her a minute and the ran to the bathroom washing her new wound and rubbing it with disinfectant it stung but she liked it she was drying her leg when Alex came into her room.
"Crap," she muttered under her breath, she was in the bathroom that joined on to her bedroom putting a bit of gauze over her newly inflicted wound, but she had left the razor on her bed. Pulling her trouser leg down she walked through to her bedroom.
The colour from Jo's face drained as Alex looked at her, his eyes full of concern and pain. He held up an object towards her and his eyes misted over as he chocked the words out, "Jo, why is there a razor with blood on it lying on your bed?"