Ok, it's occured to me that I'm not doing so good at remembering to put in
a disclaimer so here it is. The characters aren't mine. They belong to
Kevin Smith at View Askew. The song lyrics aren't mine. They're from the
song "My Immortal" by Evanescence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*My immortal*
*I'm so tired of being here*
*Suppressed by all my childish fears*
*And if you have to leave*
*I wish that you would just leave*
*Because your presence still lingers here*
*And it won't leave me alone*
He watched them walk out of his life that day. What was it he'd called Banky before? A fucking child? Now who was being the fucking child? He wanted to cry. Wanted to pound his fists on the wall, beg them to stay, anything, but the anger wouldn't allow him that. He stood up and walked to the bar in the corner of the apartment and grabbed a bottle.Without looking at the label, he opened it and took a drink. It didn't taste like much, but it would help. Facing the world was is always easier when you're drunk.....or stoned.
*These wounds won't seem to heal*
*This pain is just too real*
*There's just too much that time cannot erase*
He started off with one bottle a night. Now it was down to whatever he could get his hands on.But the booze wasn't working. For the first time in his life it had failed him. "Why the fuck isn't this working?" He shouted as he threw the bottle across the room. It smashed against the wall, sending vodka and broken glass sparying everywhere. He dropped to his knees, head resting in his hands. "Why?" He whispered.
*When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears*
*When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears*
*And I've held your hand through all of these years*
*But you still have all of me*
He and Banky had been through so much in their lives. Twenty of years of friendship doesn't pass without some amazing memories being made. "Remember when the nu ncalled him a cunt rag?" He asks himself, a slight laugh escaping. At the time they'd both been naive. The sight of Banky's face when he asked what a cunt was had been enough to send Holden into convulsions, he'd been laughing so hard. Suddenly it dawned on him. Why he couldn't escape the memories. Why Banky haunted him day and night. Banky was inside him. Always had been, always would be. They were a part of each other, and even if their friendship had ended, the fact that they would always be togethernever would.
*You used to captivate me*
*By your resonating light*
*But now I'm bound by the life oyu left behind*
*Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams*
*Your voice it chase away all the sanity in me*
Hooper watchd Banky from the doorway, thrashing about in the bed. Every now and then crying out. Crying out for the man who had betrayed him. Banky quickly sat up, Holden's face dancing in front of his vision. He could feel Hooper's eyes on him but he didn't care. Holden's face haunted him. It would be there when he closed his eyes, but it wouldn't go away when he opened them. He could feel it inside him and it was slowly driving him insane.
*These wounds won't seem to heal*
*This pain is just too real*
*There's just too much that time cannot erase*
He's taken to going to the clubs everynight with Hooper, drowning his sorrows. Picking up as many people as possible, man or woman, it didn't matter. As long as it took his mind off Holden he would do it. But nothing seemed permanent enough. He would always end up imagining Holden's face on their body, or scream his name at the climax. Whoever he happened to be with at the time would storm off and Banky wouldn't try to stop them. Let them go.
*When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears*
*When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears*
*And I've held your hand through all of these years*
*But you still have all of me*
They'd been through so much together. Middle school, high school. Banky hadn't gone to college. Hadn't seen the need for a comic book artist to go to college. Apparently Holden had though. Banky remembered Holden calling him every night, telling him what girls he'd bedded. How he thought his english professor was flirting with him. Anything that would remind Banky how slim his chances of being with Holden were.
*I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone*
*And though you're still with me*
*I've been alone all along*
A thought popped into Banky's head just then. Where had Holden been when Banky's mother was killed? Where had Holden been when Banky had gotten his first girlfriend, then broken up with her the same night? And where had Holden been when Banky's dad died? The cancer had plagued him all his life and death had been a mercy. But still, where was Holden? Banky had always been alone. He smiled slightly. Maybe now that he'd finally realized the truth he wouldn't be haunted. Maybe now Holden's face wouldn't plague his dreams. "You ok?" Hooper asked from the door. Banky thought for a moment before laying down. "I am now."
*My immortal*
*I'm so tired of being here*
*Suppressed by all my childish fears*
*And if you have to leave*
*I wish that you would just leave*
*Because your presence still lingers here*
*And it won't leave me alone*
He watched them walk out of his life that day. What was it he'd called Banky before? A fucking child? Now who was being the fucking child? He wanted to cry. Wanted to pound his fists on the wall, beg them to stay, anything, but the anger wouldn't allow him that. He stood up and walked to the bar in the corner of the apartment and grabbed a bottle.Without looking at the label, he opened it and took a drink. It didn't taste like much, but it would help. Facing the world was is always easier when you're drunk.....or stoned.
*These wounds won't seem to heal*
*This pain is just too real*
*There's just too much that time cannot erase*
He started off with one bottle a night. Now it was down to whatever he could get his hands on.But the booze wasn't working. For the first time in his life it had failed him. "Why the fuck isn't this working?" He shouted as he threw the bottle across the room. It smashed against the wall, sending vodka and broken glass sparying everywhere. He dropped to his knees, head resting in his hands. "Why?" He whispered.
*When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears*
*When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears*
*And I've held your hand through all of these years*
*But you still have all of me*
He and Banky had been through so much in their lives. Twenty of years of friendship doesn't pass without some amazing memories being made. "Remember when the nu ncalled him a cunt rag?" He asks himself, a slight laugh escaping. At the time they'd both been naive. The sight of Banky's face when he asked what a cunt was had been enough to send Holden into convulsions, he'd been laughing so hard. Suddenly it dawned on him. Why he couldn't escape the memories. Why Banky haunted him day and night. Banky was inside him. Always had been, always would be. They were a part of each other, and even if their friendship had ended, the fact that they would always be togethernever would.
*You used to captivate me*
*By your resonating light*
*But now I'm bound by the life oyu left behind*
*Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams*
*Your voice it chase away all the sanity in me*
Hooper watchd Banky from the doorway, thrashing about in the bed. Every now and then crying out. Crying out for the man who had betrayed him. Banky quickly sat up, Holden's face dancing in front of his vision. He could feel Hooper's eyes on him but he didn't care. Holden's face haunted him. It would be there when he closed his eyes, but it wouldn't go away when he opened them. He could feel it inside him and it was slowly driving him insane.
*These wounds won't seem to heal*
*This pain is just too real*
*There's just too much that time cannot erase*
He's taken to going to the clubs everynight with Hooper, drowning his sorrows. Picking up as many people as possible, man or woman, it didn't matter. As long as it took his mind off Holden he would do it. But nothing seemed permanent enough. He would always end up imagining Holden's face on their body, or scream his name at the climax. Whoever he happened to be with at the time would storm off and Banky wouldn't try to stop them. Let them go.
*When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears*
*When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears*
*And I've held your hand through all of these years*
*But you still have all of me*
They'd been through so much together. Middle school, high school. Banky hadn't gone to college. Hadn't seen the need for a comic book artist to go to college. Apparently Holden had though. Banky remembered Holden calling him every night, telling him what girls he'd bedded. How he thought his english professor was flirting with him. Anything that would remind Banky how slim his chances of being with Holden were.
*I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone*
*And though you're still with me*
*I've been alone all along*
A thought popped into Banky's head just then. Where had Holden been when Banky's mother was killed? Where had Holden been when Banky had gotten his first girlfriend, then broken up with her the same night? And where had Holden been when Banky's dad died? The cancer had plagued him all his life and death had been a mercy. But still, where was Holden? Banky had always been alone. He smiled slightly. Maybe now that he'd finally realized the truth he wouldn't be haunted. Maybe now Holden's face wouldn't plague his dreams. "You ok?" Hooper asked from the door. Banky thought for a moment before laying down. "I am now."