Title: Sunny Mornings
Author: Jadxia78
Summary: Sunnydale's first morning show hits the air with a pair of hosts as unique as the town. Start your morning off right with Buffy(bot) and Clem! (You know you're curious( )
Rating: PG
Feedback: Is there anyone that doesn't go "Yay!! Review!! Woohoo!!" ???
Archive: Sure, just let me know where it's going. You have no idea how flattered I'd be.
Legal stuff: Joss is the genius; I'm just a lowly minion writing fanfic.
Spoilers - None really, I think there's one joke that refers to S7 but its not spoilery. Other than that, the story only references up to early S6.
Ships: S/B, W/T, and X/A friendly, but no bashing of any ships.
Author's Note: This is set during the summer between Seasons 5 & 6 when Buffy-bot was filling in for Buffy. I know Clem wasn't introduced until Life Serial but please bear with me and consider this a bit AU. At least I've tried to keep it within the realm of a plausible AU. I also threw in a few surprise guests. Normally I hate stories that ignore continuity but with so many loveable Buffyverse characters it's hard to say no to them when they give you those big puppy dog eyes, begging to be written in, even if you have to let their other friend in too. Of course they promise to give you Spike but do they ever deliver him? No! I'd settle for a Spike-bot but alas, no luck. Rant done.
Dedication: For chi-zu, not much I can do to help but I hope this gets a smile. ________________________________________________________________________
Sunny Mornings
It was 6:54am in Sunnydale and as the night shift residents finished dragging home their kills and the day shift munched on whole-grain cereals, Studio A of the small television station was in barely restrained chaos mode.
"More make-up! Cover the wrinkles!"
"They don't make enough for that!"
"Where's the coffee?"
"Where's the intern?"
"Give that girl decaf! Nothing else or you answer to my ulcer!"
Today was the first day of the new local morning show in Sunnydale. A lot was at stake on all sides; if this failed, more than the hosts might be looking for a job. It was an ambitious project for a one-Starbucks town like Sunnydale, even if it had been growing in recent years.
The hosts themselves were sitting in their oversized, overstuffed green chairs behind a small mahogany and glass coffee table. Another chair stood empty next to the girl, and beyond sight, a fourth chair was waiting to be quickly pulled out if the need called for it. Right now it was just the two of them, and of course the buzzing of very nervous bees all around them.
"Hey! Muffy! Make sure you follow the teleprompter; we don't need extra "color."
The girl frowned and a slight bewildered pout slipped in. "My name is Buffy and I slay vampires while wearing stylish shoes of many colors. My witty remarks are a part of my calling. I have been programmed with many knock- knock jokes. Would you like to hear some?"
"NO!!!!" came the chorus from the entire studio, including the caterers bearing donuts.
Buffy-bot was quite upset that no one seemed to want to hear her knock- knock jokes. Perhaps she would need to try harder in the future to make people listen, even if they did run away screaming like a girl, like her good friend Xander had, who is a carpenter.
Seeing her frown, her co-host leaned over and patted her on the arm reassuringly. "It's okay, don't let them get to you. Your jokes are funny but this isn't a good time. Studios are bad places for knock-knock jokes. You're welcome to try them out on me over lunch." The demon in a blue suit smiled at her comfortingly.
Buffy-bot smiled and patted her friend on the head in return, careful not to hit his floppy ears. "Thank you very much Clem. I am fortunate to have good demon friends; your abs aren't as good as Spike's, but you are very nice."
"Thanks! Hey, you know I did try Spike's Ab Master, but you know how touchy he gets when anybody asks to borrow it." The demon shrugged. "As for the jokes. anything for my colleague." Clem gave her a warm smile.
The bot grinned, "Yes, I am a colleague. I am a co-worker. I work. I take care of Dawn. She is my sister."
".And a lovely sister she is. Do you remember the things that Giles and Willow and Dawn told you not to talk about today?" Clem asked cautiously.
"Of course I do." She smiled.
"Such as?"
The bot frowned and a worried pout slipped in. "If I tell you what they told me not to talk about then I would be talking about it. Yet if I don't tell you, I am being evasive and a bad friend. A slayer should not be evasive unless fighting, or in a car with Xander while Anya is driving. Then he yells "Evasive Maneuvers!" all the time. I try to, but I can never get away from the evil seatbelt restraints." The last bit she whispered to him conspiratorially.
Clem chose to ignore the derailed, or at least detoured train of thought, and to simply smile and accept that she would avoid the banned topics as best she could. They'd tried to completely take the word vampire out of her vocabulary but some parts of her personality program couldn't be changed. At the very least, there was nothing that could be done now. They'd be on any minute.
With hardly a minute to go the make-up artists did one more round. They sighed in defeat while looking at Clem but fortunately didn't need to do anything with Buffy. They'd remarked right from the start that she seemed to have make-up permanently part of her skin. They had thought they'd be free of touch-up duties on this easy assignment. that is until they saw Clem show up for the first screen test. Some of them had threatened to resign. Others had insisted their names not be on the credits.
All too soon people were stepping away from the stage area and beginning to tiptoe as Rolaids were pulled out by some and rosaries by others.
5.4.3.2...1.
"Showtime"
In the Summers home an anxious crowd circled the TV. This was a big morning and everyone was too nervous to have breakfast.
Xander paced back and forth, barely missing part of Spike's coat that sat folded neatly next to the vampire. Instead of moving the coat closer, Spike simply shot him a withering glare that finally penetrated the blank look of panic on Xander's face. Carefully, Xander altered his trajectory and started to wear a new path in the floor.
"Tell me again why we're doing this? Why we're letting it go through with this?" Xander nervously scratched the back of his head and looked quickly around the room, more for reassurance than an actual answer.
Willow sighed, something she'd been doing a lot of this morning. "Because Sweetie, the world needs to be convinced that Buffy's still here. you know, so the demons don't go all Mardi Gras on us?" She'd wriggled her fingers in the air on the last part but then put them in her lap before continuing. "Making it look like she has a normal job will help." She shrugged. "At least, hopefully it will help."
Tara gave Xander a sympathetic look. "It'll be okay, the Producer we ran into at the café checked out. He wasn't a demon and that truth spell we did seemed to show he didn't have any ulterior motives. other than hoping you might go out with him."
Xander seized the opportunity. "See! That proves it. Nobody is attracted to me that isn't a demon, or a monster, or something!" Xander stood puffed with doomed certainty.
Anya shot him a glare. "Hey!"
Xander's brain went into overdrive. ".Or maybe beautiful, intelligent, ex- demons with an excellent choice in men."
Anya smiled back at him but it held a note of warning at the same time. The air of doom hanging over the crowd reminded her of apocalypse season and she wished she could do something to help because it was making her edgy too, not to mention distracting Xander. Perhaps now was a good time to practice some of that reassurance thing Xander had been lecturing about lately. She struggled to come up with something that would work. "At least they're going to pay her pretty well." There were nods all around. "Plus with the insurance running out and the bills piling up we don't have a lot of options here people unless we can get Dawn to pay us for all the food we buy her."
Dawn shrunk down in her spot on the floor next to Spike. As much as he normally liked Anya, he still let out a soft growl towards her as he hesitatingly reached to put an arm around the teen protectively, before pulling it back.
Giles sighed wearily as he got up to head to the kitchen. After nearly 6 years fighting vampires and apocalypses, plus serving as a referee for these children, he sometimes wondered which had made him feel so much older than he was. On his way to the kitchen he once again offered his own token reassurance as he gestured vaguely towards the TV with glasses in hand. "If the Blue Man Group can make a living in the public eye, then those two should have a good chance as well. Besides, if we're going to keep her running for years on end we need to let her. it. make a life for itself."
With Giles retreating to the kitchen, Anya quiet, and the others distracted by their anxiety Spike finally patted Dawn on her shoulder cautiously while trying to ignore the rest of the soap opera in the living room. He waited nervously for the commercials to end and the show to start. Getting Clem had been his idea. On the surface at least, the bot would look normal compared to the co-host with a "skin condition." Clem could be counted on to cover for the bot as best as possible and his mere presence would automatically deepen the denial levels of the Sunnydale viewers.
Surprisingly, the image-obsessed producers had liked Clem from the start. It took some convincing, but his easy-going manner and talents at small talk had impressed them sufficiently. The winning argument had finally come down to image though. With Clem on board, the producers seemed to think they could demonstrate openness to more walks of life. Too bad they didn't realize just how many walks of life there really were. One must admire the depths of denial in SunnyHell, Spike thought.
As much as he hoped this plan would work, it was hard watching this pale mockery of the woman he loved take over her life. He still had trouble looking the thing in the eye. He couldn't bring himself to hate it though, couldn't bring himself to feel much of anything besides a hollow ache for months now. He hoped this worked. for Dawn's sake if nothing else. This better work he thought while fingering the cigarette in his pocket.
Giles was the last to join the crowd sitting in the living room, having retrieved what would probably be only his first scotch of this most likely VERY-long morning. He sipped it cautiously, this bloody well better work he thought.
Doris sipped her morning coffee as she got ready for work. This was just her first cup of the day but it was one of her favorites since she had the chance to sit down and enjoy it. She'd always been an early riser and there was nothing she loved better than to relax, drink her coffee, and watch some morning TV. The smell alone helped her slip into work mode as the aroma whispered of normality. Most mornings she watched the Today Show with her coffee, but today none of the guests interested her so she decided to see what else was on.
While going through the channels she stopped on an intro to a new show on Sunnydale. Of course, she'd read about it in the paper but she'd forgotten it was starting today. She'd heard there was something strange about the male co-host. As the camera panned up to the hosts during the intro music Doris couldn't help but feel her eyes bulge. The article certainly hadn't been joking about a skin condition. If she didn't know better. she'd almost think he didn't look human. Of course, that was silly of her. Such a thought was hardly befitting a professional like herself. Doris sipped her coffee, drawing comfort from it. She couldn't help but think how nice it was to see people on TV who weren't models. although the girl looked like she could have been.
As the camera lights blinked on Buffy-bot and Clem put on their brightest smiles.
"Good morning Sunnydale!" chirped the bot.
Clem took the next line. ".And welcome to Sunny Mornings, your new local morning show that will feature news, in-depth interviews with your favorite local personalities, weather, perhaps some home and garden tips, and just plain good conversation. or so we hope at least!"
They'd both gotten quite good at reading the cue cards during rehearsals, although it took several tries for Buffy-bot to get a "natural" tone to her voice when reading them. Once Willow suggested that she consider them as plain text in her speech queue, she'd quickly improved.
Clem took the lead with the news segment, alternately addressing Buffy and the camera. "So, I was reading in the paper this morning that Senator Lott apologized for his remarks. Unfortunately for him though, it doesn't look like he's going to be able to get out of this one."
Buffy-bot smiled confidently. "Oh! If he apologized then everything's okay."
Clem shook his head and dangling ears along with it. "Unfortunately Hallmark doesn't seem to make "I'm-sorry-for-endorsing-a-former- segregationist-presidential-candidate cards." He shrugged. "But hey. they're probably always looking for new lines of greeting cards" he suggested cheerfully.
The next topic on the cue cards was Buffy-bot's to introduce. She looked directly at the camera as she began. "Speaking of the paper, I was just reading it this morning too when I saw that President Bush has hired new economic advisors." She smiled at the camera when she was done, waiting patiently as the nice man holding the cue cards fumbled to get the next one in place.
It was at that point that she reached a mistake by the person who'd written the cue card. He couldn't have known it was a large mistake, after all, he was just an intern with a marker. He couldn't have known the level of trauma about to be inflicted on Revello Drive.
The next card simply had a notation in brackets, your comment. Thus, when she reached that point she brightened at the chance to include her own opinion.
"It's good that the President is changing his advisors and looking at new options. Bad advisors mean bad advice. Bad advice means less money for other people. My friend Anya explained to me that that is very, very bad" she finished with a grave tone.
Clem tried to hide his panic at where this might lead and hoped for the best. He couldn't help but try to think of potential covers though as the bot continued.
"Less money means I need to work so I can take care of my sister. Her name is Dawn. She is expensive. She can eat an entire $20 pizza with extra toppings in half an hour."
.Back at the Summers home Dawn hid her face in her hands. When the voice continued to list her "expenses" she used her hands to cover her ears while thudding her head against the wall beside her. Summer, not too late to move to another school district, preferably in another state she thought. But for now she'd have to settle for thud. thud.thud. as her only course of action. Spike gingerly patted her left shoulder reassuringly.
Anya looked over at Dawn and frowned. "What? I've seen you do it too. As far as wasting money goes, it's rather. impressive." She'd never liked false platitudes but for Xander's sake (and okay, Dawn's) she hoped she could be helpful.
Xander was sitting on the couch next to her and couldn't help but grimace. He squeezed his fiancé's hand gently and looked from Anya to Dawn. "Don't worry Dawnmeister, the kids at your school would never wake up this early during the summer. The only people you know who heard that are in this room. and we'll be sworn to secrecy."
Dawn looked up at him then Anya doubtfully.
Xander shrugged. "Hey! Secrecy is a Scooby-specialty, along with weirdness, and you know how good we are at that. so no worries." Xander finished with an overly enthusiastic chuckle.
Back in the studio the bot decided to cut short her list of Dawn expenses. "I love Dawn. Our mother is dead but I take good care of my sister."
Clem finally found his voice and interrupted gently. "Of course you do Buffy, she's a sweet girl and while raising a teenager has never been easy, it's particularly hard for many families in these tough economic times."
Spotting one of the producers tapping his watch off-camera, Clem tried to refocus. "Wow! That was quick, folks. We have to go to commercial right now but stay with us and we'll be back soon to an entertainment issue that begs the ever-present question for parents in today's society, 'do you know what your kids are watching?'"
As everyone on set breathed a collective sigh at the break, three figures huddled together finalizing their plans on one of the auxiliary sets just behind the main one.
"Pointer?" the tallest one asked.
"Check." Said the shortest.
"I don't know about this. what if she recognizes me?" the blonde one whined.
"Don't be a frelling thodo! Duh! You're the only one of us she hasn't met yet, genius!" The tallest one glared at him, reinforcing the dripping sarcasm that had been in his voice all night long.
"Oh yeah." He calmed for a moment. ".But what if she sees my resemblance to Tucker?" He shot out with fresh panic.
Rolled eyes from the two other boys was the only response at first. Finally the tall one spoke. "Oh for crying out loud! I look more like your brother than you do!"
A blonde head nodded, as the boy tried to regain the cool secret super villain look he'd been practicing.
That was when they collectively noticed the quickening pace of the others on the set in preparation for the end of the commercial.
The shortest one shifted from foot to foot. "Oh Smeg! We're almost out of time. Everybody re."
-"You just have to keep bringing that show up don't you! One minute you're going to lend me the tapes until the DVD comes out, the next you're saying your cousin borrowed them. A likely scenario, Whinathon. Warren! He's doing it agai."
-"Oh please! Who was it that destroyed my first edition books with a stupid marker!
Warren cut them both off. "Shut up Frodo! Shut up Dobby!" He hit 'Dobby' over the head for good measure.
"Oww!! You know. mixing those two together is only a disservice to both since they each stand too unique for comparison. It's like calling somebody Picard and somebody else Luke, or." the contemplative look on the blonde's face was cut off sharply as Warren slapped him upside his head again.
"I'll be good," he whispered angelically.
They'd rapidly lost time as the show got ready to rejoin the broadcast. They all stood up as one and turned in different directions to over- casually stretch and wander towards the weather set next door. carefully trying to avoid raising suspicions. From where they were they could see a monitor turned low as the last commercial ended.
"Windex makes it shine!" it proclaimed.
_______________________________________________________________________
Author's Note Part 2: If anybody noticed the Windex reference to a favorite line by one of the best (and hardest working) posters in Buffy fandom, know that it's meant as a small tribute, not a rip-off. I was trying to think of a fun commercial break and Leoff's classic popped into my head.
Author: Jadxia78
Summary: Sunnydale's first morning show hits the air with a pair of hosts as unique as the town. Start your morning off right with Buffy(bot) and Clem! (You know you're curious( )
Rating: PG
Feedback: Is there anyone that doesn't go "Yay!! Review!! Woohoo!!" ???
Archive: Sure, just let me know where it's going. You have no idea how flattered I'd be.
Legal stuff: Joss is the genius; I'm just a lowly minion writing fanfic.
Spoilers - None really, I think there's one joke that refers to S7 but its not spoilery. Other than that, the story only references up to early S6.
Ships: S/B, W/T, and X/A friendly, but no bashing of any ships.
Author's Note: This is set during the summer between Seasons 5 & 6 when Buffy-bot was filling in for Buffy. I know Clem wasn't introduced until Life Serial but please bear with me and consider this a bit AU. At least I've tried to keep it within the realm of a plausible AU. I also threw in a few surprise guests. Normally I hate stories that ignore continuity but with so many loveable Buffyverse characters it's hard to say no to them when they give you those big puppy dog eyes, begging to be written in, even if you have to let their other friend in too. Of course they promise to give you Spike but do they ever deliver him? No! I'd settle for a Spike-bot but alas, no luck. Rant done.
Dedication: For chi-zu, not much I can do to help but I hope this gets a smile. ________________________________________________________________________
Sunny Mornings
It was 6:54am in Sunnydale and as the night shift residents finished dragging home their kills and the day shift munched on whole-grain cereals, Studio A of the small television station was in barely restrained chaos mode.
"More make-up! Cover the wrinkles!"
"They don't make enough for that!"
"Where's the coffee?"
"Where's the intern?"
"Give that girl decaf! Nothing else or you answer to my ulcer!"
Today was the first day of the new local morning show in Sunnydale. A lot was at stake on all sides; if this failed, more than the hosts might be looking for a job. It was an ambitious project for a one-Starbucks town like Sunnydale, even if it had been growing in recent years.
The hosts themselves were sitting in their oversized, overstuffed green chairs behind a small mahogany and glass coffee table. Another chair stood empty next to the girl, and beyond sight, a fourth chair was waiting to be quickly pulled out if the need called for it. Right now it was just the two of them, and of course the buzzing of very nervous bees all around them.
"Hey! Muffy! Make sure you follow the teleprompter; we don't need extra "color."
The girl frowned and a slight bewildered pout slipped in. "My name is Buffy and I slay vampires while wearing stylish shoes of many colors. My witty remarks are a part of my calling. I have been programmed with many knock- knock jokes. Would you like to hear some?"
"NO!!!!" came the chorus from the entire studio, including the caterers bearing donuts.
Buffy-bot was quite upset that no one seemed to want to hear her knock- knock jokes. Perhaps she would need to try harder in the future to make people listen, even if they did run away screaming like a girl, like her good friend Xander had, who is a carpenter.
Seeing her frown, her co-host leaned over and patted her on the arm reassuringly. "It's okay, don't let them get to you. Your jokes are funny but this isn't a good time. Studios are bad places for knock-knock jokes. You're welcome to try them out on me over lunch." The demon in a blue suit smiled at her comfortingly.
Buffy-bot smiled and patted her friend on the head in return, careful not to hit his floppy ears. "Thank you very much Clem. I am fortunate to have good demon friends; your abs aren't as good as Spike's, but you are very nice."
"Thanks! Hey, you know I did try Spike's Ab Master, but you know how touchy he gets when anybody asks to borrow it." The demon shrugged. "As for the jokes. anything for my colleague." Clem gave her a warm smile.
The bot grinned, "Yes, I am a colleague. I am a co-worker. I work. I take care of Dawn. She is my sister."
".And a lovely sister she is. Do you remember the things that Giles and Willow and Dawn told you not to talk about today?" Clem asked cautiously.
"Of course I do." She smiled.
"Such as?"
The bot frowned and a worried pout slipped in. "If I tell you what they told me not to talk about then I would be talking about it. Yet if I don't tell you, I am being evasive and a bad friend. A slayer should not be evasive unless fighting, or in a car with Xander while Anya is driving. Then he yells "Evasive Maneuvers!" all the time. I try to, but I can never get away from the evil seatbelt restraints." The last bit she whispered to him conspiratorially.
Clem chose to ignore the derailed, or at least detoured train of thought, and to simply smile and accept that she would avoid the banned topics as best she could. They'd tried to completely take the word vampire out of her vocabulary but some parts of her personality program couldn't be changed. At the very least, there was nothing that could be done now. They'd be on any minute.
With hardly a minute to go the make-up artists did one more round. They sighed in defeat while looking at Clem but fortunately didn't need to do anything with Buffy. They'd remarked right from the start that she seemed to have make-up permanently part of her skin. They had thought they'd be free of touch-up duties on this easy assignment. that is until they saw Clem show up for the first screen test. Some of them had threatened to resign. Others had insisted their names not be on the credits.
All too soon people were stepping away from the stage area and beginning to tiptoe as Rolaids were pulled out by some and rosaries by others.
5.4.3.2...1.
"Showtime"
In the Summers home an anxious crowd circled the TV. This was a big morning and everyone was too nervous to have breakfast.
Xander paced back and forth, barely missing part of Spike's coat that sat folded neatly next to the vampire. Instead of moving the coat closer, Spike simply shot him a withering glare that finally penetrated the blank look of panic on Xander's face. Carefully, Xander altered his trajectory and started to wear a new path in the floor.
"Tell me again why we're doing this? Why we're letting it go through with this?" Xander nervously scratched the back of his head and looked quickly around the room, more for reassurance than an actual answer.
Willow sighed, something she'd been doing a lot of this morning. "Because Sweetie, the world needs to be convinced that Buffy's still here. you know, so the demons don't go all Mardi Gras on us?" She'd wriggled her fingers in the air on the last part but then put them in her lap before continuing. "Making it look like she has a normal job will help." She shrugged. "At least, hopefully it will help."
Tara gave Xander a sympathetic look. "It'll be okay, the Producer we ran into at the café checked out. He wasn't a demon and that truth spell we did seemed to show he didn't have any ulterior motives. other than hoping you might go out with him."
Xander seized the opportunity. "See! That proves it. Nobody is attracted to me that isn't a demon, or a monster, or something!" Xander stood puffed with doomed certainty.
Anya shot him a glare. "Hey!"
Xander's brain went into overdrive. ".Or maybe beautiful, intelligent, ex- demons with an excellent choice in men."
Anya smiled back at him but it held a note of warning at the same time. The air of doom hanging over the crowd reminded her of apocalypse season and she wished she could do something to help because it was making her edgy too, not to mention distracting Xander. Perhaps now was a good time to practice some of that reassurance thing Xander had been lecturing about lately. She struggled to come up with something that would work. "At least they're going to pay her pretty well." There were nods all around. "Plus with the insurance running out and the bills piling up we don't have a lot of options here people unless we can get Dawn to pay us for all the food we buy her."
Dawn shrunk down in her spot on the floor next to Spike. As much as he normally liked Anya, he still let out a soft growl towards her as he hesitatingly reached to put an arm around the teen protectively, before pulling it back.
Giles sighed wearily as he got up to head to the kitchen. After nearly 6 years fighting vampires and apocalypses, plus serving as a referee for these children, he sometimes wondered which had made him feel so much older than he was. On his way to the kitchen he once again offered his own token reassurance as he gestured vaguely towards the TV with glasses in hand. "If the Blue Man Group can make a living in the public eye, then those two should have a good chance as well. Besides, if we're going to keep her running for years on end we need to let her. it. make a life for itself."
With Giles retreating to the kitchen, Anya quiet, and the others distracted by their anxiety Spike finally patted Dawn on her shoulder cautiously while trying to ignore the rest of the soap opera in the living room. He waited nervously for the commercials to end and the show to start. Getting Clem had been his idea. On the surface at least, the bot would look normal compared to the co-host with a "skin condition." Clem could be counted on to cover for the bot as best as possible and his mere presence would automatically deepen the denial levels of the Sunnydale viewers.
Surprisingly, the image-obsessed producers had liked Clem from the start. It took some convincing, but his easy-going manner and talents at small talk had impressed them sufficiently. The winning argument had finally come down to image though. With Clem on board, the producers seemed to think they could demonstrate openness to more walks of life. Too bad they didn't realize just how many walks of life there really were. One must admire the depths of denial in SunnyHell, Spike thought.
As much as he hoped this plan would work, it was hard watching this pale mockery of the woman he loved take over her life. He still had trouble looking the thing in the eye. He couldn't bring himself to hate it though, couldn't bring himself to feel much of anything besides a hollow ache for months now. He hoped this worked. for Dawn's sake if nothing else. This better work he thought while fingering the cigarette in his pocket.
Giles was the last to join the crowd sitting in the living room, having retrieved what would probably be only his first scotch of this most likely VERY-long morning. He sipped it cautiously, this bloody well better work he thought.
Doris sipped her morning coffee as she got ready for work. This was just her first cup of the day but it was one of her favorites since she had the chance to sit down and enjoy it. She'd always been an early riser and there was nothing she loved better than to relax, drink her coffee, and watch some morning TV. The smell alone helped her slip into work mode as the aroma whispered of normality. Most mornings she watched the Today Show with her coffee, but today none of the guests interested her so she decided to see what else was on.
While going through the channels she stopped on an intro to a new show on Sunnydale. Of course, she'd read about it in the paper but she'd forgotten it was starting today. She'd heard there was something strange about the male co-host. As the camera panned up to the hosts during the intro music Doris couldn't help but feel her eyes bulge. The article certainly hadn't been joking about a skin condition. If she didn't know better. she'd almost think he didn't look human. Of course, that was silly of her. Such a thought was hardly befitting a professional like herself. Doris sipped her coffee, drawing comfort from it. She couldn't help but think how nice it was to see people on TV who weren't models. although the girl looked like she could have been.
As the camera lights blinked on Buffy-bot and Clem put on their brightest smiles.
"Good morning Sunnydale!" chirped the bot.
Clem took the next line. ".And welcome to Sunny Mornings, your new local morning show that will feature news, in-depth interviews with your favorite local personalities, weather, perhaps some home and garden tips, and just plain good conversation. or so we hope at least!"
They'd both gotten quite good at reading the cue cards during rehearsals, although it took several tries for Buffy-bot to get a "natural" tone to her voice when reading them. Once Willow suggested that she consider them as plain text in her speech queue, she'd quickly improved.
Clem took the lead with the news segment, alternately addressing Buffy and the camera. "So, I was reading in the paper this morning that Senator Lott apologized for his remarks. Unfortunately for him though, it doesn't look like he's going to be able to get out of this one."
Buffy-bot smiled confidently. "Oh! If he apologized then everything's okay."
Clem shook his head and dangling ears along with it. "Unfortunately Hallmark doesn't seem to make "I'm-sorry-for-endorsing-a-former- segregationist-presidential-candidate cards." He shrugged. "But hey. they're probably always looking for new lines of greeting cards" he suggested cheerfully.
The next topic on the cue cards was Buffy-bot's to introduce. She looked directly at the camera as she began. "Speaking of the paper, I was just reading it this morning too when I saw that President Bush has hired new economic advisors." She smiled at the camera when she was done, waiting patiently as the nice man holding the cue cards fumbled to get the next one in place.
It was at that point that she reached a mistake by the person who'd written the cue card. He couldn't have known it was a large mistake, after all, he was just an intern with a marker. He couldn't have known the level of trauma about to be inflicted on Revello Drive.
The next card simply had a notation in brackets, your comment. Thus, when she reached that point she brightened at the chance to include her own opinion.
"It's good that the President is changing his advisors and looking at new options. Bad advisors mean bad advice. Bad advice means less money for other people. My friend Anya explained to me that that is very, very bad" she finished with a grave tone.
Clem tried to hide his panic at where this might lead and hoped for the best. He couldn't help but try to think of potential covers though as the bot continued.
"Less money means I need to work so I can take care of my sister. Her name is Dawn. She is expensive. She can eat an entire $20 pizza with extra toppings in half an hour."
.Back at the Summers home Dawn hid her face in her hands. When the voice continued to list her "expenses" she used her hands to cover her ears while thudding her head against the wall beside her. Summer, not too late to move to another school district, preferably in another state she thought. But for now she'd have to settle for thud. thud.thud. as her only course of action. Spike gingerly patted her left shoulder reassuringly.
Anya looked over at Dawn and frowned. "What? I've seen you do it too. As far as wasting money goes, it's rather. impressive." She'd never liked false platitudes but for Xander's sake (and okay, Dawn's) she hoped she could be helpful.
Xander was sitting on the couch next to her and couldn't help but grimace. He squeezed his fiancé's hand gently and looked from Anya to Dawn. "Don't worry Dawnmeister, the kids at your school would never wake up this early during the summer. The only people you know who heard that are in this room. and we'll be sworn to secrecy."
Dawn looked up at him then Anya doubtfully.
Xander shrugged. "Hey! Secrecy is a Scooby-specialty, along with weirdness, and you know how good we are at that. so no worries." Xander finished with an overly enthusiastic chuckle.
Back in the studio the bot decided to cut short her list of Dawn expenses. "I love Dawn. Our mother is dead but I take good care of my sister."
Clem finally found his voice and interrupted gently. "Of course you do Buffy, she's a sweet girl and while raising a teenager has never been easy, it's particularly hard for many families in these tough economic times."
Spotting one of the producers tapping his watch off-camera, Clem tried to refocus. "Wow! That was quick, folks. We have to go to commercial right now but stay with us and we'll be back soon to an entertainment issue that begs the ever-present question for parents in today's society, 'do you know what your kids are watching?'"
As everyone on set breathed a collective sigh at the break, three figures huddled together finalizing their plans on one of the auxiliary sets just behind the main one.
"Pointer?" the tallest one asked.
"Check." Said the shortest.
"I don't know about this. what if she recognizes me?" the blonde one whined.
"Don't be a frelling thodo! Duh! You're the only one of us she hasn't met yet, genius!" The tallest one glared at him, reinforcing the dripping sarcasm that had been in his voice all night long.
"Oh yeah." He calmed for a moment. ".But what if she sees my resemblance to Tucker?" He shot out with fresh panic.
Rolled eyes from the two other boys was the only response at first. Finally the tall one spoke. "Oh for crying out loud! I look more like your brother than you do!"
A blonde head nodded, as the boy tried to regain the cool secret super villain look he'd been practicing.
That was when they collectively noticed the quickening pace of the others on the set in preparation for the end of the commercial.
The shortest one shifted from foot to foot. "Oh Smeg! We're almost out of time. Everybody re."
-"You just have to keep bringing that show up don't you! One minute you're going to lend me the tapes until the DVD comes out, the next you're saying your cousin borrowed them. A likely scenario, Whinathon. Warren! He's doing it agai."
-"Oh please! Who was it that destroyed my first edition books with a stupid marker!
Warren cut them both off. "Shut up Frodo! Shut up Dobby!" He hit 'Dobby' over the head for good measure.
"Oww!! You know. mixing those two together is only a disservice to both since they each stand too unique for comparison. It's like calling somebody Picard and somebody else Luke, or." the contemplative look on the blonde's face was cut off sharply as Warren slapped him upside his head again.
"I'll be good," he whispered angelically.
They'd rapidly lost time as the show got ready to rejoin the broadcast. They all stood up as one and turned in different directions to over- casually stretch and wander towards the weather set next door. carefully trying to avoid raising suspicions. From where they were they could see a monitor turned low as the last commercial ended.
"Windex makes it shine!" it proclaimed.
_______________________________________________________________________
Author's Note Part 2: If anybody noticed the Windex reference to a favorite line by one of the best (and hardest working) posters in Buffy fandom, know that it's meant as a small tribute, not a rip-off. I was trying to think of a fun commercial break and Leoff's classic popped into my head.