Title: Dear...
Author: Satan's Sidekick
Email: satans_sidekick13@hotmail.com
Rating: 15 for censored swearing.
Based On: VD, NW, DV
Disclaimers: All events and characters belong to
L.J.Smith. I am in no way making profit for this, nor do I claim to own
the characters, etc, etc. And I don't mean to offend people, I'm just
making fun of the characters.
Summary: Some letters are exchanged between our character rivals. Boredom
and insanity made me do this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Damon,
Fell's Church is being attacked by purple, rabies-carrying, completely evil giraffes. We need your all-so-powerful self to help us out. Please come as soon as possible.
Love, your little brother, Stefan.
PS. I have been pondering over my meaningless existence again, and am now in a state of depression that is more annoying than usual. It is likely that I will reprimand you and accuse you of doing things that you never did, and attempt to draw you from the path of evil.
Dear Little Brother,
I am writing just to inform you that I will not be participating in your dreary plot to save the world (again). However, I will probably arrive unexpectedly near the end just to prove that I'm not as bad as everybody thinks I am. Further more, I would like to add that I am a complete bad ass and that I look good in leather. In fact, I have fallen in love with none other than my own reflection - it's a wonder that I don't waste my years just staring into the mirror.
Damon.
~**~
Dear Thierry,
I am pleased to say that your sorry attempts at my life have failed...yet again. I have survived Delos' blue fire, and am making progress to locating the fourth and last wild power. Then, when I have captured him/her, I will proceed to take over the world. The first to fall will be your pitiful Circle Daybreak, and my minions will bathe in your blood. Ha Ha Ha! Then I will put all the humans in pens and breed them like...like...dogs! Ha Ha Ha! And after that, I will think of more horrible and terrifying things to do to the world! Ha Ha Ha! In fact, I have had my secretary type up a list, which is enclosed in this very letter. Ha Ha Ha!
Yours sincerely,
Hunter Redfern (Ha Ha Ha!)
Dear Mr. Redfern,
On behalf of Circle Daybreak, I would like to thank you for sending your comments on how we can improve our service to you, the public. Your letter has been added to a list, and the issues you have outlined will be addressed in our next meeting as soon as possible. I have enclosed the pamphlet, "Circle Daybreak: A Breaking History" and I hope you will enjoy this brief introduction. Further information about our organisation can be found at: ";.
Thank you again for your interest.
Thierry Descouedres
~**~
Dear Mr. Wolfe,
Despite the recent events between you and Kaitlyn Fairchild, our client, Rob Kessler, would like to establish a platonic relationship with you. Mr. Kessler is prepared to over look past rivalries, and he hopes that you will be able to do this as well. A letter is enclosed from our client, stating his intentions along with a box of chocolates.
Yours sincerely,
Rory Prince Lawyer at Branson & Prince
(enclosed letter) Dear Gabriel,
Look, I'm really happy that you got Kaitlyn and all, even if you are a murdering, double-faced, juvenile delinquent. I mean, it's Kaitlyn's loss right? Anyway, I felt bound by my morals and conscience, so I had to do this, and using a lawyer just made it that more impersonal.
I'm living in Antarctica now, which is far enough from everybody that I don't hear voices in my head. Unfortunetely, from here, I am unable to ride to the rescue like the proverbial white knight. Other wise, I'd snatch up Kaitlyn and lock her up in a padded room, because other wise she's going to hurt herself.
I'm allergic to chocolate. Thought you'd lik them
Rob.
Farm Boy- What the **** are you ****ing talking about, you ****? Kaitlyn is my ****ing woman and I'll be ****ed if some mother****er wants to **** with her! You better not put a ****ing foot out of An-****ing-tarctica, because if you do, you will be ****ed so bad that no one will be able to ****ing save your pathetic ****ed up ass.
By the way, Kaitlyn says hi and thanks for the chocolates.
~**~
Dear Damon,
Fell's Church is being attacked by purple, rabies-carrying, completely evil giraffes. We need your all-so-powerful self to help us out. Please come as soon as possible.
Love, your little brother, Stefan.
PS. I have been pondering over my meaningless existence again, and am now in a state of depression that is more annoying than usual. It is likely that I will reprimand you and accuse you of doing things that you never did, and attempt to draw you from the path of evil.
Dear Little Brother,
I am writing just to inform you that I will not be participating in your dreary plot to save the world (again). However, I will probably arrive unexpectedly near the end just to prove that I'm not as bad as everybody thinks I am. Further more, I would like to add that I am a complete bad ass and that I look good in leather. In fact, I have fallen in love with none other than my own reflection - it's a wonder that I don't waste my years just staring into the mirror.
Damon.
~**~
Dear Thierry,
I am pleased to say that your sorry attempts at my life have failed...yet again. I have survived Delos' blue fire, and am making progress to locating the fourth and last wild power. Then, when I have captured him/her, I will proceed to take over the world. The first to fall will be your pitiful Circle Daybreak, and my minions will bathe in your blood. Ha Ha Ha! Then I will put all the humans in pens and breed them like...like...dogs! Ha Ha Ha! And after that, I will think of more horrible and terrifying things to do to the world! Ha Ha Ha! In fact, I have had my secretary type up a list, which is enclosed in this very letter. Ha Ha Ha!
Yours sincerely,
Hunter Redfern (Ha Ha Ha!)
Dear Mr. Redfern,
On behalf of Circle Daybreak, I would like to thank you for sending your comments on how we can improve our service to you, the public. Your letter has been added to a list, and the issues you have outlined will be addressed in our next meeting as soon as possible. I have enclosed the pamphlet, "Circle Daybreak: A Breaking History" and I hope you will enjoy this brief introduction. Further information about our organisation can be found at: ";.
Thank you again for your interest.
Thierry Descouedres
~**~
Dear Mr. Wolfe,
Despite the recent events between you and Kaitlyn Fairchild, our client, Rob Kessler, would like to establish a platonic relationship with you. Mr. Kessler is prepared to over look past rivalries, and he hopes that you will be able to do this as well. A letter is enclosed from our client, stating his intentions along with a box of chocolates.
Yours sincerely,
Rory Prince Lawyer at Branson & Prince
(enclosed letter) Dear Gabriel,
Look, I'm really happy that you got Kaitlyn and all, even if you are a murdering, double-faced, juvenile delinquent. I mean, it's Kaitlyn's loss right? Anyway, I felt bound by my morals and conscience, so I had to do this, and using a lawyer just made it that more impersonal.
I'm living in Antarctica now, which is far enough from everybody that I don't hear voices in my head. Unfortunetely, from here, I am unable to ride to the rescue like the proverbial white knight. Other wise, I'd snatch up Kaitlyn and lock her up in a padded room, because other wise she's going to hurt herself.
I'm allergic to chocolate. Thought you'd lik them
Rob.
Farm Boy- What the **** are you ****ing talking about, you ****? Kaitlyn is my ****ing woman and I'll be ****ed if some mother****er wants to **** with her! You better not put a ****ing foot out of An-****ing-tarctica, because if you do, you will be ****ed so bad that no one will be able to ****ing save your pathetic ****ed up ass.
By the way, Kaitlyn says hi and thanks for the chocolates.
~**~