A/N: so this is how I pictured my Shepard going through mass effect two, and I decided to start my story on Horizon, since it made the most sense to me. If all goes according to plan, I plan this to be a three parter, this one, a sequel, and a prequel (which would include the beginning part of mass effect 2.) I had a heck of a time starting this chapter, (the beginning is always the hardest part to write,) so enjoy, and review if you can!

Chapter one

Kaidan's POV

"Commander Shepard."

There she was. She turned to me, her long red hair down from its usual tight bun on the top of her head, rolled down to her shoulders, shorter since the last time I saw her. Her face was covered in scars, and she looked far too malnourished. Altogether she looked awful, but what did he expect from a woman two years dead.

"Kaidan..." she breathed

Behind her were her two companions that helped her clear out the base, a black haired woman he had heard her call Miranda, and surprisingly Garrus. He had wondered what had happened to the turrian when they had all gone their separate ways after Shepard's death.

She straightened up, and started to stumble towards him, but stopped when she saw his expression.

"Kaidan, I can explain…"

"You were alive for all that time and you never even thought to let me know?" I Shouted.

"I was dead! I died in the Normandy crash, but Cerberus –"

I turned away shaking my head angrily. "I can't listen to your excuses. All I need to know is you're not the woman that I loved." I started to walk away.

"Kaidan, no I-" then there was the thud as she hit the ground, and I whirled around. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I couldn't bring myself to hate 'Ponine Shepard, I still cared about her. Far too much.

Garrus and Miranda crowded around Shepard as she convulsed on the ground, and held her chest, crying out in pain. Before he could think he was by her side, looking at Shepard for an explanation.

"Quick Garrus, the medi-gel!" cried Miranda, and Garrus hurriedly stabbed Shepard's upper arm with Medi-gel.

Finally I spoke up. "What the hell is going on?" I demanded, glaring at all three of them.

Shepard had stopped convulsing, but was lying on the ground, curled on her side, whimpering in pain.

Garrus shot him a venomous glare that made me look away; Miranda wiped the sweat from her brow and sat back on her heels.

"Shepard died in that Normandy crash Kaidan. Cerberus then took her and launched project Lazarus in an attempt to bring her back. It took nearly two years, but getting spaced does not simply leave you unscathed. When we recovered her, most of her vital organs were too damaged to be functional again. We fit her with prosthetics and replacements, her heart is mostly prosthetic and her lower bone structure was welded back together with replacements, unfortunately we did not expect her body to reject the implants. Her system is failing, and as a result she often times cannot do menial tasks without her body shutting down."

Garrus had put Shepard into a sitting position, with her leaning against his knee. She was breathing heavily and red faced. Garrus eased up so he was sitting on his haunches, and offered Shepard a hand up. She drew in a deep breath and pushed Garrus' hand away looking frustrated. She set a hand in front of her, and with painstaking sluggishness, shakily pushed herself up to her knees, then to her feet. She immediately fell back against the wall behind her. Miranda and Garrus immediately turned their attention to her, rushing to help her. She shooed them away irritated.

I'd never seen Shepard this weak and vulnerable. I'd known her since I'd assistant taught at alliance training when she was only 15. I'd been surprised when they had let someone that young join alliance training, as the usual recruitment age was 18. I found out later that she had been caught trying to pickpocket Anderson, and he'd given her two choices to reprimand her for her actions, be sent to a refugee camp for juvenile children, or start training in the in alliance military.

I remembered the first time I had seen her, I had just started helping train new recruits at the alliance headquarters, I was only 23. I knew that she was earthborn, and had no family to speak of; she grew up on the streets, and that had made her the ideal candidate for an alliance soldier. I could hardly take my eyes off of her when she walked into training that first day. Her dark red hair cascaded past her hips, her pale skin glowed, she appeared to have a sort of permanent smirk on her plump pink lips, her striking blue eyes seemed to pierce through the stares everyone was giving her for being so young, and she had only zipped up her alliance jumpsuit to just below her chest, revealing enough to make any man blush.

Commander Gaeddart had disapproved, and had made me, of all people; go tell her to wear her uniform appropriately.

I remembered barely being able to stammer out the alliance dress code before her blue eyes captured mine and her smirk grew even wider.

"Tell ya what soldier boy, if it's so important to you, we'll duel for it. If you win, I won't cause any more problems, but if I win, I won't be taking orders from you anymore." A sly grin crept across her face as she took in my shocked reaction to her defiance.

I still don't know what made me say yes to this day, whether it was the promiscuous erm – skin showing, or the way that her eyes challenged him to take her on.

The alliance military commissioned everyone in training a pistol with a stun setting, why they thought letting recruits shoot at each other at all was still beyond me.

After I agreed, the other recruits backed off, leaving us room to move. Commander Gaeddart was preoccupied at this point; otherwise both of us would have gotten a reprimanding action without continuing any further.

I drew my pistol, ready to knock some sense into this terribly over-confident girl. She turned and faced me, in a crouching position, leaving her pistol strapped to her side. The fight had been terribly short. I only got one shot in, and it hadn't even been remotely close to hitting her. With blinding grace, she had dodged it, and before I could even react, I was lying on my back, wind knocked out of me, by this tiny teenage girl, who now stood over me with my pistol twirled between her fingers, her eyes sparkled playfully, and she tossed the pistol next to me.

"I'll be seeing you around, soldier boy."

The next few days every commanding officer tried, without success to reel her in. Eventually, they had all given up, and Captain Anderson had been called in to try and 'get a handle' on the situation. Not to say that she wasn't progressing. She had only been beaten once in combat practice, and she passed every single test with ease. She was an adept biotic and soldier, fierce, and tactical on the battlefield, but would not, or could not listen to commands. She disrespected her superiors, and challenged their ideals openly. There was no way this tiny girl would last for much longer here.

But much to our surprise, as soon as Captain Anderson showed up, everything changed. She listened to orders, and followed them, and stopped talking back as well.

"It's amazing the effect you have on that girl, Anderson." Commander Gaeddart commented.

He gave a half smile. "Do you know anything about her situation Commander, Lieutenant?"

We both shook our heads, and he turned to look back on the class of trainees. "She was earthborn, her parents never wanted her, and that caused them to mistreat her. They abused her, and treated her as a slave, until she ran away when she turned five. She then took to making money any way she could on the streets, stealing, begging, eventually got involved in the mob when she was ten, and started selling her body when she was thirteen."

I looked towards the girl, suddenly feeling ashamed of my blessed childhood.

The captain crossed his arms and turned to face both of us. "Her name is 'Ponine Shepard, she got her first name from one of the mob leaders who became quite fond of her, and not in a fatherly way. He named her that because the childhood she had is similar to a character in an old earth written book called 'Les Miserables', about a girl who is eventually killed saving the man she loves, who doesn't love her back." He looked at both of us, the commander looking a little unsettled, and me, looking mournful.

"That's the reason I let her join the military at such a young age. It might be dangerous and selfish of me, but at least you know that I did it for a reason." He turned away, and started heading towards 'Ponine, and then paused. "I should also tell you that the council is very interested in her. If all goes according to plan, she should be promoted to lieutenant just before her 16th birthday!"

The commander's jaw dropped so fast, that I almost burst out chuckling. I knew now that I wouldn't be seeing the last of 'Ponine Shepard for a long time.

That was the woman I had fallen in love with. But she was no longer here, and might never come back.

A/N: sorry for the long ass flashback, I just wanted to establish characters, story, background, and all that good junk. I also realize that Shepard's age might anger some people, but I'm sure you'll eventually get over it.