So this is my first time writing something =\ I'm debating on whether I should continue this or not, it was just sort of swimming around in my head. Comments of any sort are most definitely welcomed.
I own nothing, just renting for a while.
Her solution was staring her in the face.
The thought was not foreign to her, having flitted through her mind throughout the past few months. When the idea had first come to her, she dismissed it almost as quickly, citing a recent bout of sleeplessness for her obviously irrational thoughts. But now, as she sat at her desk mindlessly staring at the TV while her thoughts were concentrated on something much more decisive, it didn't seem so taboo.
She wondered what her roommates would think, as she overheard their chatter about recent sorority drama in the next room. Their trials and tribulations seemed so inane compared to what she was contemplating. Would they be shocked? Frightened? Upset?
Would they even notice?
She tried to ignore the unwavering stare in her direction.
How had she gotten to this point? She had been reassuring herself over and over that she was making the right decision. That she loved him, and he loved her, and they would have their happily ever after. It had become her own personal mantra. She had her doubts, of course, but anyone in her position was entitled to have doubts. Everyone gets cold feet at some point during their engagement. Right? But even she had to admit to herself that this wasn't an ordinary instance of cold feet. She remembered how crazy in love they had been in the beginning, how the mere thought of separation couldn't be fathomed in either of their minds. Now, with 300 miles between them, she struggled to find that connection, any connection. She sighed. It was no use, it just wasn't there anymore. She knew there was no going back to those days.
She glanced towards her solution, quickly regretting the decision. It was so simple, sitting there right in front of her, calling to her. An escape from the heart crushing monotony her days had become. Stuck between a fiancee who had drifted away and a best friend for whom she had been denying her feelings far too long now, all she wanted was to be able to get away. Faced with the prospect of spending an eternity with someone who didn't love you, or loving someone you were sure could never love you in return, there was no other option.
Checking her phone for the eighth time in as many minutes, the resolve that had set in earlier in the night seemed to strengthen. It had been weeks since their last real conversation, since anything more than "yea", "no", or "what are you doing?" She had typed the message out countless times without ever finding the courage to actually send it.
I can't do this anymore.
She repeated the sentence in her mind, meaning more than just her relationship with Edward. Getting up from the desk she walked into the bathroom and finally returned the stare that had been taunting her all night. Her solution was staring her in the face. A handful of Percocet chased with a few shots of Jack later, she was lying in bed murmuring what she had hoped to be her last words as the numbness she had so desperately been searching for started to take over.
I love you Jasper. Please forgive me.