So this is not my first fanfiction, but it is my first Mass Effect one and it's been a long time since I wrote anything so please be gentle.
A story based on my FemShep, Colonist and Sole Survivor background, I may well do other stories with this same Shepard so if you like it please let me know, reviews are very much appreciated and this wasn't Beta'd so bear that in mind, thanks :)
Toombs.
I can see his face even when I close my eyes; tanned skin, dark hair, and chocolate brown eyes. Only, the Toombs I am seeing in my mind is certainly not the same man I met on Ontarom, the man I'm remembering is the Toombs that I knew before Akuze.
He gives an easy laugh, his head leaning against the wall of the shuttle as he relaxes in his seat. Bentley, another member of the squad has just told a joke about a Turian and an Asari Commando, I smile and shake my head, I've heard that one about ten times before during Alliance training, Toombs probably has too, but he's polite and laugh's anyway.
I sigh and roll over on my bed pressing my face into my pillow, I've tried so hard to forget my past, to move on from what happened to me as a young girl on Mindoir and then as a young woman on Akuze, but seeing Toombs again has brought all those buried memories flooding back and it's painful, very painful.
We are riding in the Mako now, Toombs is sat beside me and I am driving, I've always had a knack for manouvering the sometimes unpredictable Mako. Joker always comments that I should have tried out to be a pilot "You'd probably be almost as good as me" he says raising a cocky eyebrow.
This memory of Joker only makes things worse. My life has been sectioned into two; my life before Akuze and my life after, that way I can distance myself from the pain of my past otherwise it might well overwhelm me. And now the two parts of my life are colliding and jumbling, making the painful memories far more real, before I could almost pretend they were just nightmares. My throat tightens and I have to bite down hard on my lip to stop tears from surfacing.
Coombs, Bentley, a couple of other marines and I had gone out to do some recon of the area surrounding our camp but hadn't found anything of interest and now we were on our way back to camp.
I think over the man I had met again just a few hours previously, holding a gun to a scientists head, he had been deranged, driven insane by the inhumane experiments performed on him. But yet, when he told me what the scientist stood in front of us had done to him, it took every single ounce of my willpower not to blow the guy's head off then and there. What had stopped me wasn't my conscience or one of my squad mates reasoning with me, it was the thought of what they had put Toombs through, a kind and caring man turned into murderous shell. The scientist deserved to suffer; death was too merciful for a sadistic torturer like him.
But what about me? I left him there, if I had gone back for him then I could have saved him from those horror's, I'm as much to blame as the scientist. These troubled thoughts swirl around in my head until I somehow fall into an uneasy sleep.
"Nearly there Shepard" Toombs comments, eyeing the nav screen.
The ground rumbles "What was that?" I ask, my voice edged with worry, back then I wasn't as good at hiding my emotions as I am now.
"Some sort of mild seismic tremor probably" Toombs shrugs, ever the calm optimist.
It is 20 seconds later that the Thresher Maw appears, rising from the earth like a serpent charmed from a basket. It lets out a deafening roar and I freeze with a mixture of shock and terror, it's only thanks to Toombs reaching across to yank the steering wheel that we manage to miss smashing head on into the beast.
"Crap!" Toombs exclaims as we spin around and come to a stop, he immediately programs the guns, trying to take the monster down, but the bullets do little except to make the beast angrier, it turns its body so that its ugly head is facing us and I get my first good look at the creature.
Its segmented body seems to be encased in a mixture of bone and flesh, it has bony protrusions near the top of its head that look like arms, but the most notable feature is its mouth; open wide with a long blue tongue and what look like rows of razor sharp teeth further inside. I don't get much time to inspect further however, as out of the Thresher Maw's mouth comes a pool of green acidic spit, my foot hits the accelerator and we just manage to dodge the nasty substance. I carry on driving hoping we can get away from it, the next time it spits however, we aren't so lucky, it hits the back of the Mako and the display screen shows significant damage, add to that the fact that I can see black smoke billowing from the back of the vehicle through the rear window and we aren't in a good position at all.
But I carry on driving, faster and faster, feeling the Mako strain under the heavy fire it's received. At last I think we've managed to escape and I allow myself a sigh of relief, but just a few seconds later my relief is proved premature as I feel another rumble and the Thresher Maw bursts through the ground again, right from underneath us.
The Mako goes flying, turning over a few times in the air, I let out a cry of terror and feel Toombs take a hold of my hand, I turn to look at him, but before my brain can register his facial features we crash to the ground.
"Shepard..." Toombs voice rouses me, my eyelids flutter open, everything is slightly blurry, Toombs face is hovering in front of mine, a look of worry across his normally calm features. He smiles in relief however when he realises I am awake.
"Thank God Shepard I thought I'd lost you"
It takes me a minute or so to take stock of my surroundings and remember how I came to be lying on the soft dirt of Akuze's surface, the last thing I remember I was in the Mako and... My eyes widen in horror but before I can twist my head around to look for the Thresher Maw, Toombs grabs my shoulders.
"Don't worry, it seems to have disappeared, can you get up?"
I try to push myself off the ground experimentally and I feel an intense shot of pain in my ribs, I figure I must have broken one or two, not to mention the heavy throbbing in my head and the cuts and bruises along my arms and legs.
Toombs sees my face scrunch up in pain and leans forward to help me gently to my feet, I wince a few times but my ribs feel slightly better when I stand up, only now, not only is my vision blurry but I feel dizzy as well.
"I reckon you have a couple of broken ribs and a pretty nasty concussion, I gave you some medi-gel but between both of our injury's we've got none left so you'll just have to put up with the pain until we get to camp, okay?"
I nod slowly, something is wrong with his words, but it takes my addled brain a while to figure out what it is.
"The others...Bentley..." my voice is hoarse and cracks, but before I can go any further, Toombs drops his eyes and shakes his head sadly.
"They didn't make it"
A knot wraps itself around my stomach and I turn to see the crumpled and burning Mako a short distance away, my eyes sting and tears threaten to make an appearance, but instead I take a deep breath (and instantly regret it when another stab of pain shoots across my ribs). Toombs nods and we begin to walk solemnly towards our camp, luckily where we were attacked is not far from it, we walk for just under ten minutes when we hear the shouts of terror.
It is as if an ice cold bucket of water has been poured over my entire body, Toombs and I exchange a glance before setting of at a sprint towards the campsite. This should have been agony for my ribs but my fear for the other marines and my determination to get to them seems to negate any pain I should be feeling.
We arrive at the campsite and I almost collapse to the ground, I'm not sure if it's due to my head injury or because of the massacre happening before my eyes.
There are Thresher Maw's, at least three of them and they are tearing the campsite apart, I can hear shouts and gunfire from all angles, punctuated by roars from the beasts themselves, I can see my crewmates being swallowed whole and others being pulverised into the ground.
It is only when I feel Toombs move from my side that I come back to my senses; I have to fight, I'm a soldier, that's what I do. I run over to a discarded Assault Rifle, point and shoot, easier said than done considering I'm now seeing double and feel like I may well topple over at any moment. I can see others in my peripheral vision doing the same, but it's pointless, one by one every member of my platoon is being slaughtered, I begin backing away, fast, towards the nearest undamaged Mako, searching frantically for Toombs, for anyone left alive. But it's hopeless, there is no one left...just me.
I drop the assault rifle to the ground and scramble inside of the Mako and peel out of the camp, desperate to get away from the monsters before they kill me as well. Out of my window I get a last glimpse of the camp site and wish I hadn't, I'm too far away and too badly wounded to see anything clearly but what I can see will haunt me for the rest of my life, the lifeless bodies of my comrades scattered and bloody.
My eye's snap open as I bolt upright on my bed, a cold sweat covers my body and I am shaking violently. I take several deep breaths and try to will the horrific images out of my mind, naturally it doesn't work. I strip off my sweaty clothes and step into my bathroom, hoping that the hot water of a shower will stop my trembling.
I feel a bit better as the hot droplets of water pound against my skin, but it doesn't last long, my memory returns and I am confronted with images of my comrades lying dead before my eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and tighter, desperate for anything that will make the images leave my mind's eye.
The tightness in my throat returns, and this time I cannot stop the tears, they roll down my cheeks, indistinguishable from the shower water, involuntarily I let out a soft sob and it's as if a dam has burst, my entire body begins to shudder and torrents of noisy tears fall down my face, grotesque sobs escape my mouth and I press my forehead against the tiled wall of the shower cubicle and wait for the waves of indescribable emotion to subside. It is then that I realise that I don't need to be punished for abandoning Toombs, I have already paid my dues by reliving the nightmarish events on Akuze over and over again inside my head.
It's at least an hour later by the time I have dried myself and gotten changed, ready to do my rounds and check on the crew. By then my devastation has all but disappeared and the grisly images no longer plague my vision, I practice a smile in the mirror, it looks genuine enough and more importantly I don't look like an emotional wreck. I still have a way to go before I defeat Saren, and until my mission is over I cannot afford any lapses of judgement, any moments of weakness, I have to be strong because the fate of the galaxy rests on my shoulders.