Hellhounds for Hire

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

A/N: For Felix. He knows why.

Tanuki are not raccoons exactly as some people seem to think…they're animals like the kappa. Japanese legends. They're most famous for being…shall we say, well endowed.

Plus. Title is a Samurai Champloo episode name because oh my god, love.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

In the red mist of death, Gaara's beastie was getting desperate.

"He's going to die, Kyuubi!"

"Oh shit, whatever shall we do."

Shukaku gnashed his teeth as Sanbi cracked up. The king of tails sat on a crumpled throne, his head lolling in one paw and the other one performing the gesture for wanking oneself from sheer fucking boredom.

Hachibi said, "Shukaku it's your own fault your host got caught and trussed like a pig, so don't come here crying. It's embarrassing."

"He's fused with me!" the tanuki yelled, fury rising in his voice, "If he dies, I die! You have to care about that!"

Kyuubi eyed him distastefully. "Your mistake. Fusing with your container? Fucking bring a plague upon us, we'd bear it better than this shame."

Nanabi roared his approval and all the other tails wagged in accordance with the gang leader's pronouncement. Shukaku gritted his teeth against a bark of impudence. Gaara was beyond saving if Kyuubi wouldn't cooperate. Kyuubi's vessel was hell bent on winning back the young Kazekage, but even his iron will could be swayed by the nine tailed fox's absolute hatred. And if Gaara died…if Gaara died…

"If I die," Shukaku calmed their stormy sounds, "The power of the world will be thrown off balance. I'm the weakest," a word he detested, "But I'm still one of you."

"So now you remember?" Kyuubi needn't speak for something like this; Rokubi would suffice. She looked down at the tanuki, the picture of unforgiving apathy. "Where's all this team spirit coming from suddenly? Where was it when you allowed your host to call on your power to attack Kyuubi-san's little boy? You were happy enough to be your own man then, I recall…"

"It's been years," Shukaku said.

"Three measly human ones," Rokubi agreed, "Hardly the sort of span our kind considers a passage of time worth a second thought. But maybe fusing with a container brought you down to his level, Shukaku-kun? Though it's hard to believe you could've descended lower."

An appreciative round of laughter. Shukaku's shoulders tensed horribly. Kyuubi watched with half-lidded eyes, amused and mystified. Worthless shit though the one-tail was, he couldn't stomach the total willingness to not bite back Shukaku was displaying in order to save the jinchuuriki. Even the fox's own container was fixated on Gaara. Was the redhead that special? Kyuubi preened. He had a thing for redheads. Call it narcissism, call it a quaint kink.

"Rokubi, don't bait the fat bastard." He leered at the tanuki, who warily met his gaze. "Alright, Shukaku, I'll lend the kit power if it comes to it and see that your pathetic cocoon is left intact. What'll you pay as a fine though?" Kyuubi stretched hard, and eyed his subordinate. "This is a transgression of our law."

"We have no law," Shukaku growled. Nanabi snapped at him threateningly. "Just 'cause you're traitor enough to not know doesn't mean we run solely on anarchy. Listen to the boss."

"Lemme fuck your vessel."

The otherworldly conference room, draped in damask curtains and smoke, went wide with surprise. So did Shukaku's eyes.

"Wha—!"

"Kyuubi-san," Rokubi seemed uneasy, "What are you saying…"

"Shut up, am I talking to you, cunt? Shut the hell up. Shukaku, strap on a pair." The fox grinned. "Never mind, yours are big enough. But what—is your container's life less precious than his virginity? He is a virgin, right? You would know all about that." Kyuubi had a talent for cruelty, everyone knew that, "You would know all about noises he makes when he cums. Does he sound good? I'm into screamers, m'self. Does he scream?"

Shukaku's insides boiled away into the ultraviolet, but his face stayed passably unreadable. "You can have 'im."

Kyuubi's voice was smooth as a frozen sea. "Swell."

000

Fox in a can can't materialize for sex, but Gaara wasn't materialized either, was he? He was stoppered as well as the tailed beasts were in that handy statue of Akatsuki. It was really a marvel; even Kyuubi was faintly impressed. It was a miniature universe unto itself where all nine bijuu could be contained and used. Chakra walls, dense and powerful, pulsed ominously, discouraging approach.

Gaara thought, what am I.

Kyuubi thought, fresh meat.

A horrified shout ripped from his throat as the too large animal leapt, pinning him down to the floor with large, clawing paws on his chest and snout snapping at his ears.

"What the—"

"I'd say 'relax, it'll feel better' but I doubt you'll listen," Kyuubi drawled as the shocked teal eyes tore through him, "Let's be quick and dirty about it, okay?"

Biting down on the boy's pants he ripped them from his legs, as well as the cheap cotton underwear concealing his penis. Gaara yelled and tried to scramble away as the animal licked at him, but Kyuubi's paws on his thighs dug painfully in if he moved so he fell back and howled his dismay.

"Holy shit, you are a screamer." The fox didn't dare nip at any skin lest he draw blood, at the sight of which he couldn't guarantee control over himself. He worked his tongue hot and tight at Gaara's entrance, arousal warming his body. The redhead (which one? Damn it! The human) arched his back, whining harshly, and deep in his black heart Kyuubi rejoiced at the anger that must be coursing through Shukaku.

"What—what's going on," Gaara's voice was surprisingly steady for all his noises, "Shukaku! Get this thing—off me—Shukaku!"

Kyuubi raised his face to stare at the boy. "Your faith in him is fucking touching. But he's the one that sold you out. So say my name instead," a smile jerked his lips, "You can call me Kyuubi."

Those devastating eyes latched onto him. "The Kyuubi no Youko?"

"Damn I'm famous."

"But then—you're in Naruto," Gaara blurted out, "Where's Naruto?"

Kyuubi ripped his shirt with a deft claw and casually licked his nipple. (Only Kyuubi. I swear, only Kyuubi could casually lick a stranger's nipple.) "Let's not talk threesomes so soon. Say, kid," snarling, his lips nuzzling Gaara's neck, "Seriously. Say my name."

Gaara had been Kazekage for two years now and had made some, if not friends, at least acquaintances amongst the youth of the nation. So the next reply came heavy with their influence. "Fuck you."

A grin and a movement like certain death or a sacred combo. The movement was Kyuubi's cock pushing into his unaware asshole, pain roaring up his spine to eject itself from his mouth in a tortured scream. Gaara's hand shot to Kyuubi's shoulders, grabbing fistfuls of fur and biting his own lip to try and bear the intrusion. The fox demon laughed in the face of the boy's subjugation.

"So. Ready to cut down on that attitude of yours?"

"F-fine…anything…just get out…"

Kyuubi leaned down to lap at his lips. "I already told you what I want you to do."

"Kyuubi…" Gaara murmured fitfully. The beast snorted, unamused, it's tails coming into play. They rubbed over the Kazekage's fair flesh, teasing and tweaking where required. Gaara opened his mouth wide in surprise, and Kyuubi nearly choked him with his tongue. Drawing back, he growled.

"Louder. Scream it." He pushed on the boy's legs, pulling out and rolling him over with a paw and a nudging snout. Gaara was on his knees, hips high in the air and elbows supporting his torso's weight, a downward slope from waist to neck.

"K-Kyuubi!" he shouted, shamed rage pooling in his eyes, "Kyuubi!"

000

In the hall of hell, Sanbi snorted.

"Your boy—when he gets going, he really gets going, huh Shukaku?"

The tanuki seemed to have lockjaw. Rokubi replied for him. "Come off it, Sanbi-kun. Kyuubi-san's will is enforced everywhere. The human can't help but be acquiescent, can he?"

"Acquiescent? He's enjoying himself, the sick fuck. Look—look at that face he's making! He likes Kyuubi-san's cock."

"No, Sanbi," Hachibi rolled his eyes, "You like Kyuubi-san's cock. You're just painting that face on in your imagination. The kid's in pain."

"He's biting his lip to stop screaming."

"Out of agony."

"Out of lust."

"Tell you what, you're out of your mind."

"Whatever—look! You see? He's cumming."

"That fucking proves jack squat."

"Proves that he's turned on, don't it? What more do you want? For him to declaim love to the boss?"

"Heh, that'd be hilarious…"

"Kyuubi-san might do that as well, if he's not having fun enough."

"I think he's having fun aplenty," Sanbi cackled, "Ain't seen the boss that hard since he used to fuck you, Cat."

The two tailed beast raised an eyebrow and her head before dropping back into an unconcerned nap. Shukaku dug his claws into his own thigh.

000

"Shit, kid. You're still hard."

"Am…not…"

Gaara's breath was exhausted and his voice hoarse but Kyuubi was right: his cock was still straining against the stroking paw that nurtured its arousal so tenderly. Kyuubi licked his neck and said:

"I'm fucking done with you. Damn but my ears are ringing—maybe I'll get Shukaku to let me back someday but for now—heh. I'll take your leave, my sweet pink asshole."

Gaara yelped as the fox nipped lightly at his backside before sauntering away on all four legs. Laying spent and somehow achingly needy in that place still, Gaara went into a coma from which he did not get up till Chiyo found him.

Kyuubi glanced back and chuckled to himself. "Shukaku, I'll definitely help him out. An amazing lay. You're forgiven completely."

Which pleased the tanuki not at all.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Kyuubi didn't have a very large hand in rescuing Gaara after all, did he…? Well, still. For Fee the rules shall bend (over :D).