Title : Confession of a Longing Heart (One-shot)
Author : Kawaii Nachan
Rating : PG-15
Genre : Romance, angst
Warnings : Cross gender, super bad English
Pairing(s) : Kaoru x Shinya, Die x Shinya
Band(s) : Dir en Grey
Disclaimer : Oh well, -I've locked them in the cage-unfortunately I don't own those beautiful boys, just the story... (TT w TT) *sob... sob...*
Summary : Die comes back to Japan from his study abroad and meets Shinya, his childhood friend, without even knowing that the next day is going to be Shinya's wedding day.
A/N : Written in simple present tense and the italic-ed words mean the past. In this story, Shinya becomes a woman... So try to picture him wearing women outfits and a wedding gown! XD
*~*Confession of a Longing Heart*~*
One sunny day in summer holiday, the sun shone its rays beautifully, brightening everything bellow it. There were two kids romping in the park, they seemed to be playing a family, the boy as the husband and the girl as the wife, spreading a small light-blue carpet on the grass and sitting on it. But, their play had to stop for a moment, since the boy was becoming a bit silent.
"…………………"
"What's wrong, Die-kun? You don't want to play anymore?"
"That's not it. I'm just wondering…"
"Oh, what are you wondering about?"
"Shinya-chan…"
"Umm?"
"Will you become my bride in the future?"
"…Un. I'll become you bride, Die-kun."
After hearing the answer, the boy smiled sheepishly as his cheek slowly shaded into pink, meanwhile the girl was chuckling. The boy then shifted his body a bit to get closer to the girl.
"Then let's make a promise, ne?"
He lifted his hand and raised his little finger, showing a serious look on his face. The girl responded to him immediately by tangling her little finger with the boy's.
"I promise."
**********
"Finally... I'm back to my beloved country..." Die lets out a satisfied sigh after stepping onto the ground. He has just finished his study abroad in the U.S.A. for about four years. He walks in the hallway, approaching the exit door. No one seems to pick him up at the airport, because he does not tell anyone that he is going to come home that day. He does that on purpose; he wants to give a little surprise to his parents and friends.
However, there is one person whom Die wants to meet the most. That person is a beautiful blonde woman named Shinya, his childhood friend. His best friend. His beloved friend. Truthfully, the study program took five years, but Die managed to finish it in only four years. That is because he cannot wait any longer to meet Shinya. He misses her so much he cannot stand it anymore.
Die quickly calls a taxi and heads home. On the way, he keeps thinking of how his family and friends will react if they see him. What expression they will wear. The thought makes him chuckle. After arriving at his house, the first person whom he sees is his mother, who happens to be picking up some roses from her lovely garden. "Okaa-san. Tadaima!" He shouts out as he opens his house gate. His mother then looks at him in disbelief; Die successfully makes a surprise, it seems.
"Daisuke? Is that really you?" She still cannot believe. "Mochiron! I really miss you, okaa-san." Die says as he walks to his mother's spot and then hugs her tight. His mother replies the hugging; still holding the roses, there is no denial that she also misses her son just as much. "Come in, dear. I'm sure your father and sister will get surprised to see you." That middle-aged woman leads the way into the house cheerfully.
~At afternoon~
Die thinks that he has had enough chat with his family, so he decides to take a walk outside. Actually, he wants to look for someone. That is Shinya, indeed. "Eto, I want to go for a while, but don't worry I'll be back for dinner." He promises while putting his tea cup on the table. "You want to meet Shinya-chan, am I right?" His younger sister, Nanako, smirks knowingly. "What are you saying, Ako-chan?" Die denies, but Nanako's word is enough to make him blush. His mother also cannot resist herself for not teasing his son. "So, Shinya-chan is the reason, nee?" She says teasingly, giving Die her I-got-you stare. Die's face gets even redder in an instant time. "Stop it, dear. You'll make his face as red as a tomato. Besides, he's already twenty two, so it's only natural if he starts to like a woman." His father says wisely, smiling. Both his mother and sister are only chuckling. "Well, jaa na." Die grins and then takes a leave.
Soon after Die closes the door, his sister realizes something. "Chotto. Isn't Shinya-chan going to..." She wrinkles her eyebrows, thinking. "Ah! That's right. We haven't told Daisuke about it, yet." His mother rubs her chin. They feel guilty for not telling Die something very important. "Let him know it from Shinya himself. We don't have to interfere." His father advices as he takes a sip of his green tea.
~Back to Die~
I''m going to Shinya-chan's place now. I wonder what face she will make when she sees me... Die thought.
To reach Shinya's house, he will be passing by a playground where he and Shinya used to spend their time together when they were still in the elementary school. In addition, that playground also became the only eyewitness when the little Die was indirectly proposing to the little Shinya to be his bride. That was not just a joke, that was Die's true feeling. Die smiles when remembering his childhood memories with Shinya. He looks up at the slightly orange afternoon sky and then inhales a deep breath, as if trying to absorb all the fresh air. How he misses the aura around that place so much.
He continues walking as he keeps humming some random songs. He feels very happy because he is going to see Shinya. That blonde woman's beautiful face does not want to stop flowing in his mind, but he gets curious to see the nowadays Shinya. Does she make any difference from the last time Die saw her? It increases his curiosity. He is strolling at sidewalk when he accidentally notices someone familiar standing not so far in front of him. He knows that that is a woman. But he cannot look at her face, since she is facing Die with her back.
Finally, Die's mind makes its stop from wondering whose figure is that and decides to walk a bit closer in order to get a clearer view. "Shinya-chan!" He shouts out after being pretty sure that the woman standing before him is definitely his special friend, Shinya. He will not make a mistake on identifying that person. There is no way he will forget Shinya's face. The called woman then turns her head, landing her gaze on the brunette man waving his hand at her. Shinya's eyes widen in surprise for she does not believe the view she is looking at.
"Die-kun?"
"Tadaima, Shinya-chan."
As Die says so, he walks towards Shinya and suddenly hugs her. Shinya is just standing without giving any response, her body stiffening as Die tightens his embrace. "I miss you so much! How have you been?" He questions and breaks the hugging, looking at Shinya lovingly. "Umm, I've been fine. Thanks. How about you?" Shinya asks back. "I'm doing fine, too." Die nods his head twice.
"It's a surprise to see you here. I thought that you would come home after five years." Shinya tilts her head a bit, thinking. "Well, I'm a bright student, so I was able to finish the study faster!" Die answers with a wide grin plastered on his face and shows a thumb up. Of course, he cannot tell Shinya the real reason, since he will be so embarrassed. "Nee, do you have a time now? Let's go to-" He adds but gets cut off by the sudden appearance of a handsome young man, circling his one hand on Shinya's slender waist.
"Shinya-chan, who is he?"
**********
The autumn wind blew lazily, so warm and soft, caressing your skin smoothly. "Nee, Die-kun, where're we going exactly?" Shinya let out a question, she had no clue at all, since Die had just asked her to follow him, then they both headed to their school backyard. And now they were standing near a small bench, facing each other. Only two of them.
Despite the comforting aura sent by autumn, Die gulped hard, sweat running down his forehead to his cheek. He seemed very nervous. Truthfully, he wanted to say something very important to Shinya, he had practiced how to say it in front of mirror many times, but when it came to the real one, he suddenly felt that he could not spill it out of his mouth.
"Die-kun, you aren't sick, are you? You're sweating and your face seems to be turning red..."
"...Eh? Don't worry, I'm just fine."
"Yokatta desu ne. So, why are you bringing me here?"
"...I want to tell you something."
"Oh, what's that?"
"Umm,"
Die paused as he noticed Shinya's beautiful black eyes staring right into his. The words he had prepared before stuck in his throat. 'Come on, Die! You're sixteen now and you've practiced for this for about two weeks! Just say it clearly! Now or never!' Die said mentally to himself. He bit his lower lip, he was getting more nervous.
"Boku wa Shinya-chan ga-"
However, the fact turned out far from Die's expectation. Before he could finish his sentences, a girl approached them and patted Shinya's shoulder. She was Shinya's classmate, if Die did not make a mistake. Shinya immediately turned her head to that girl, "Eh? Yume-chan. Nani?" She asked. The girl named Yume gave a sorry-for-interrupting glance at Die; she then told Shinya that the president of student council was looking for her, as she was the secretary. Yume also said that it was important and could not be delayed.
Shinya nodded her head then faced Die as she uttered, "Gomen ne, Die-kun. I have to go now." She made an apologetic face. Die felt a bit disappointed, but he did not want to be selfish and ended up making Shinya feel awkward, so he smiled, "It's never mind. I think it must be something so urgent. You'd better see the president now." He replied. Shinya smiled back, "Just call me later, okay." With that, she left Die, going to the student council meeting room.
Die was only silent, staring at her back. He did not know whether he could have a second chance to talk to Shinya like that, he felt weak. He did not have any encouragement left to confess his feeling to Shinya after that day. That was why his feeling remained unrevealed.
**********
"Shinya-chan, who is he?" That man asks as he looks at Die from the tip to toe, as if examining Die's body. "Ah, Kaoru-kun. This is Die-kun, my best friend. He has just come back from his study abroad. And Die-kun, this is Kaoru-kun. He's my fiancé." Shinya explains, gaining a shocked expression from Die. "Hi Die-san, nice to meet you." Kaoru bows his head politely, smiling. Die seems like turning into a stone when he hears the two last words. My fiancé. But he thinks that it is impolite for not replying Kaoru's greeting, so he bows his head as well. "Nice to meet you too, Kaoru-san." He says, his voice is a bit shaky and luckily, both Shinya and Kaoru do not notice that.
"By the way, Die-san, do you know that we're getting married tomorrow?" Kaoru says and Die shakes his head slowly. "Well, it's going to be held at the church near Yokan Park and get started at 10.00 a.m. Make sure to come, okay. We will look forward to your attendance, right Shinya-chan?" He invites, taking a quick glance at Shinya, who nods at his words. Die gets shocked for the second time that day. Hearing that Shinya going to get married tomorrow is like a nightmare to him. He cannot let even a single word out of his mouth. His throat feels dry out of a sudden. "Die-kun, daijoubu?" Shinya pats Die's shoulder tenderly, trying to get a response from him.
Die quickly regains his strength to say something, "Gomen, I'm just too happy to hear that. Of course, I'll come. I'm not going to miss my own best friend's wedding, am I?" He says as he makes an 'O' using his thumb and forefinger. "Okay then, I think that we have to go now. There are few things that still need to be checked out. See you tomorrow..." Kaoru bows his head a bit and turns his body around; soon Shinya follows him after waving her hand at Die, who just smiles bitterly. They walk away, leaving Die staring at them quietly, just like when Shinya left him right before he confessd his feeling to her.
~The following day~
"Ah! Die-san... Neither I nor Shinya saw you in the church..." Kaoru says as he realizes Die approaching him. "Really? Maybe because I sat on the last seat. I was a bit late, so I couldn't get the first seat." Die replies. Actually, he did not attend the wedding vow and ring exchange; he lies to Kaoru. He feels that it is too painful to see. Even he once thought of not coming to the wedding. "Omedetou..." He shakes Kaoru's hand, giving that happy groom his best smile. "Arigatou. Shinya must be feeling very happy seeing you come." Kaoru smiles back.
"Where's Shinya-chan now?"
"She seems to be talking to her family in the dressing room, but she will be here in a minute. I'd better get prepared to accompany her."
"Okay. I'll wait here, Kaoru-san."
Die takes a sip of his drink after Kaoru disappears from his sight. He is wondering how Shinya look like, as today is sure her very special day. Not so long after, he hears a lot of clapping come from the crowd, they seem to be welcoming something-someone. It makes Die's head full of curiosity; he then narrows his eyes, trying to find out what is so amazing there.
Time seems to stop as Die sees Shinya from afar; she is wearing a white wedding gown. No doubt, she looks so beautiful, fascinating. She captivates everyone's attention with that happy smile shaped on her rosy, soft-petal lips. Die is in a complete astonishment, for he has never seen Shinya wearing that sort of outfits before. But, there is one thing that makes him sad; the truth that he is not the one who stands by her side and that is not his hand that Shinya holds. Well, he feels happy for her, but at the same time his heart feels such an unbearable pain.
After receiving so much prayer there, Kaoru and Shinya seem to walk towards Die's direction. And now they are right in front of him. "Die-kun! I thought that you didn't come..." Shinya pouted cutely, earning a little pinch on her cheek from Kaoru. "Eh? Yesterday I said that I would come, didn't I? And now here I am." Die responses with a grin stretched on his face. "Omedetou." He adds as he pats Shinya's head, which is replied by the said woman's smile. "You two just like brother and sister, no?" Kaoru stares at both Die and Shinya detailly. "Well, sort of." Die replies, chuckling.
"Anyway, look at you now Shinya-chan, wearing this white gown... You must be feeling incredibly happy, since that's your dream when you were a kid, right?" Die says and it makes Kaoru laugh, meanwhile Shinya is just smiling sheepishly. "You know what Kaoru-san; she kept talking about it I just wanted to shut her up!" The brunette man speaks teasingly. "Hey! Don't say it in front of Kaoru! Besides, I think that that's a dream of every little girl!" Shinya defends herself and then those three laugh. After some chitchat, Shinya leaves Die and Kaoru for taking a drink. Die takes it as a chance to start a new subject with Kaoru.
"Eto, Kaoru-san... May I ask you something?"
"Yes, go ahead. I don't mind."
"...Can I borrow Shinya-chan for a while?"
"Eeh? Borrow her?"
"Yes. Don't worry, I don't bite."
"Hahaha. Sure. I trust you. I'm going to meet my friend over there, anyway. I'm counting her on you."
"Okay, then."
With that, Kaoru walks approaching his friends and not so long after, Shinya comes back to her spot near Die. "Where's Kaoru?" She looks around. "Oh, he's seeing his friend, there." Die replies as he points at Kaoru's direction. Shinya just hums as a response. "Shinya-chan, come with me, please." Without waiting for Shinya's agreement, Die suddenly grabs her hand and pulls her towards the crowd. "Die-kun, what's this all about?" The blonde woman asks confusedly, still following Die. But Die does not bother to answer her, he keeps walking. Soon, they are already at the place Die wants them to be; in front of the church. "Huh? What are we doing here?" Shinya raises a question. "You'll know after we get inside," Die simply answers. "Come on." He adds, grabbing at both the door handles and pushing them.
Having been inside the church, Die tells Shinya to stand near the fourth seat, meanwhile he keeps walking. He strolls to the front of altar and lifts up his head a bit, looking at the big wooden Cross hung on the wall. "I want to make a confession." He says, raising his pitch to make sure Shinya hear his voice. Shinya stares at his back silently, waiting for Die's confession. "God, I beg your forgiveness, for I've sinned." Die gulps, turning his head to Shinya's direction and smiles at her. Shinya gives him a questioning look. Die then turns his head back to look at the Cross; he continues his sentences.
"...for I've fallen in love with Shinya-chan once again."
Die bows his head; he can hear a small, surprised gasp coming out of Shinya's mouth, who is only ten steps away behind him. The red-haired man decides to go on his word; he stares back at the Cross. "She's so beautiful today. No, she has always been so beautiful. But I can't make her mine; she has already belonged to another man, a very lucky man. I can't do anything now... I can only regret my own foolishness for not telling her about my true feeling..."
He pauses as he realizes that Shinya calling out his name. She is really nearly to cry. Die closes his eyes and begins confessing again. "God, I never asked you anything in my life before, but now I want to ask you one thing. God, please bless Shinya with so much happiness, don't make her feel sad or even cry. Please protect her with your shield, so no one can hurt her. God, I wish you'll grant my prayer." He flutters his eyes open and then turns his body back only to find Shinya's tearful eyes.
He walks slowly to Shinya and when he is right in the very front of her, he touches Shinya's left cheek softly by his right palm. "I know this is too late, but I love you. I've always loved you the whole time... Now and forever." His voice is nothing but whisper. Shinya does not say anything; her tears keep rolling down from her eyes, wetting her smooth cheeks. "I used to think that we would get together, Shinya. But I was wrong; I can't be with you in the end." Die makes a smile, trying to stop Shinya from crying, but he is a bad actor because he still cannot hide the broken-hearted expression, which is obviously defined on his face.
"…I really am sorry, Die-kun." Shinya puts her hand on Die's, feeling its warmth as she presses it to touch her cheek more and then shuts her eyes tight. "Don't be, Shinya-chan, this isn't your fault. I'm the one to blame. I should have told you my feeling earlier, but now everything's too late, isn't it?" Die tries his best to resist his tears from flowing down. Shinya opens her eyes, "Die-kun, I thought that you would find another woman when studying in America, so I just give up on you," She says between her sobs, bowing her head a little. "I thought that you had forgotten our promise..." She adds.
"How could I forget such a promise? I've been keeping it in my mind since we made that promise."
"But you had never shown me you feeling, not even until our senior high graduation, so I finally concluded that the promise was just a joke and we even made it when we were still childs."
"Sorry for making you misunderstand. Honestly, the reason is I wasn't brave enough to confess it to you. Back then, you were so popular among the boys and it seemed to me that you were just seeing me as a best friend. So I was afraid of being rejected. What a pathetic coward I was..."
"Don't say that..."
"Back then in America, I couldn't stop thinking about you everyday. I decided to confess my feeling right away after coming back here and I even wanted to ask you to marry me. But now I know that it will never happen."
Die moves his other palm to Shinya's back, pulling her into an embrace. Shinya instantly releases Die's right palm and then pushes herself into that man, her trembling hands clinging onto his black suit. Slowly, Die's two arms wrap so possessively around her, as if do not want to let her go. They both close their eyes, feeling each other's existence. Die hopes time will stop; he wants to stay that way forever. But he is fully aware that it cannot last long.
"Shinya-chan, if I were really confessing my feeling to you, what would your answer be? I want to hear it, even though I know that it won't change anything."
"...I've always loved you too, Die-kun."
"Thanks... I'm relieved now. I finally know how you feel towards me."
"I wish we could go back to the past, when we were always together."
Die smiles hearing that, he strokes Shinya's back gently. Being able to know about Shinya's true feeling is more than enough to him. He tenderly pulls away from their embrace and then stares deeply at Shinya's face. He kisses her forehead lovingly. Shinya is only smiling bitterly when Die wipes off the trace of tears on her face by his thumb. "Don't put that sad face, be happy, Shinya-chan." Die lifts her chin to get a clearer vision of her pretty face. Shinya nods her head. "Then let's get back to Kaoru. I'm sure he's already waiting for you." Die offers his hand to Shinya and they walk to the door hand in hand, like they used to do when going back from school.
Just as Die has expected, Kaoru is already waiting for them at the promised place. His face turns happy when seeing Die and his wife approach him. "Ah. Die-san, I thought you forgot the place!" He says. Die laughs, "Of course, I don't." He replies as he pulls his hand from Shinya. "Here's your lovely wife." He adds. Kaoru puts a smile hearing that, he then offers his hand to Shinya in a gentleman way, gaining a chuckle from the said woman. She accepts Kaoru's hand, hooking her hand to it. "Well, Die-san. We're going to meet our newly-coming guests. There're so much of them. Bye." Kaoru bows his head a bit to Die. Before they go, Shinya takes a glance at Die; she then gives the brunette man the most beautiful smile he has ever seen. Die waves his hand at her; he is now happy knowing that there is another man who takes his place to be by her side, to protect her. He does not need to worry anymore.
After Kaoru and Shinya leave him, he takes a glass of wine from the rose-decorated banquet, "Hey Die-kun. Long time no see. I didn't know that you are already back from your study abroad." A familiar voice greets his ears. He turns his head to that voice owner and finds a handsome man walking to him. That is Shinya's older brother, Toshiya. "Oh, Toshiya-kun. I've planned to meet you after Shinya-chan's wedding, but now that I meet you here, it's even better." Die responses, grinning.
"Yeah. Let's toast!"
"So, Toshiya-kun how's your wife? I hope she's doing fine."
"Yes, she's. And we now have a baby girl. She's so cute."
"Woah, that's great! I want to see them later."
"Anou, Die-kun..."
"Yes?"
"Actually, I was a bit surprised when Shinya said that she's getting married to Kaoru."
"Why? You don't like Kaoru-san?"
"Well, he's a good man. But I thought that Shinya would be with you because you two are really close, right?"
Die is only silent. Out of sudden, all memories of him and Shinya appear in his mind, like a sliding show. Those remind him of how much he loves Shinya. Seeing Die's state right now makes Toshiya feel guilty, since he is the one who brings that topic up. "Gomen ne, Die-kun. I really didn't intend to-" Toshiya's word cut as Die says something.
"It's okay, Toshiya-kun. You were right, after all. I'm really close with her, but it doesn't mean that we'll get married."
"Sokka? You've another choice, eh? Then when will you get married?"
"I don't know whether I'll get married or not, because the only woman whom I really want to be my wife isn't single anymore."
*~*End of the story*~*
End Note : I have to say that truthfully, this fanfic was supposed to be Shinya's birthday fic, but I couldn't finish it on time.
Well, at least, I managed to get it done and post it.
So, happy be-very-lated birthday, Shinya-chan! XD