"Come on Kiba, I swear I didn't mean to! It was a joke, a stupid little joke!" A young blue-eyed blond screeched, dodging various flying objects as he was chased by another young male. This male was followed closely by a pink dog, both snarling and practically foaming at the mouth with rage.
"You dyed Akamaru pink!" Kiba roared, grabbing a lamp and chucking it at the boy. Akamaru barked as the blond jumped out of the way, rolling behind the couch.
"H-Hey, you know lamps are expensive right," He said, poking his head out from behind the couch. His eyes widened as he ducked back behind it, narrowly avoiding a small chair from smashing his skull in.
"You're a dead man Uzumaki!" Kiba shouted, lunging over the couch towards him. He squeaked in fear, leaping out the window before Kiba could strangle him. He scrambled to get up off the lawn as Kiba stood up from the floor, a massive encyclopedia in his hands.
"Die Naruto!" He hissed, chucking the book straight at his head. It made direct contact with the back of Naruto's skull, causing him to fly forward a few feet before landing directly on his face. Kiba smirked in triumph, picking up Akamaru and heading towards the bathroom.
"Come on Akamaru, let's try to get this dye out of your fur," He said before disappearing out of view. Naruto groaned, propping himself up on his elbows as he rubbed his head.
"Ugh…What in the name of ramen hit me with such celerity?" He moaned, pushing himself back up on his heels. He blinked, looking around the yard in shock.
"Whoa, when'd I learn that word?" Naruto asked, scratching the back of his head. His stomach growled, causing him to glance down and shrug.
"Ah well, no use thinking on an empty stomach," He announced, standing up and heading towards Ichiraku, "Time for some delicious nutritious ramen!"
"Chouji you pig! Stop dragging us to this stinking barbeque pit all the time!"
"Yikes," Naruto thought, his finger inserted into his ear, "Even from far away Ino makes ears bleed."
"Troublesome woman, stop your incessant shouting and nagging," Shikamaru's monotone voice came from the same direction as Ino's, a soothing balm on Naruto's abused ear drums after Ino's screech.
"I will not! It's the same place every damn time," Ino shrieked, "Just because certain pineapple headed people bring along books to ignore the setting doesn't mean I will stand for it any longer!"
"Hey Ino, are you PMSing?" Chouji asked, his mouth obviously full of food even from far away.
"Chouji!"
"Oh boy, better save poor Chouji from the maelstrom that is Ino's wrath," Naruto thought, racing towards the barbeque pit. He was far too focused on saving Chouji's life to notice that he had used another word that was normally unfamiliar to his vocabulary. He entered the restaurant out of breath, just in time to see Ino being restrained by Shikamaru as she attempted to strangle Chouji. Chouji sat there, pressed as far back against the chair as he could get, eyes clearly wide with fear as he watched Ino carefully.
"Uh, hey guys!" Naruto shouted, heading straight for their table. Ino shot a glare at him while Chouji and Shikamaru both said silent prayers of gratitude for the distraction.
"What do you want Uzumaki?" Ino growled, her arms crossed over her chest. Naruto frowned as he slid in beside Chouji.
"Hey, I didn't come here for you to accost me Ino," Naruto said, raising his hands in defense, "I only came for a nice afternoon chat amongst friends."
Ino scoffed, turning her head to the side and pouting in a childish manner. Shikamaru on the other hand lazily glanced up at him, a hint of surprise in his eyes. "Hey Naruto, since when did you start using words like 'accost'?"
"Huh," Naruto asked, suddenly realizing that he had used another unknown vocabulary word, "I'm not sure. Ever since Kiba threw this encyclopedia at me, I've been talking kind of funny lately."
"Uh-huh…And what prompted him to do such a thing?"
Naruto grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Well you see, I might have sort of dyed Akamaru pink in an effort to be funny. And he might have sort of been a little pissed about it."
"Might have," Shikamaru asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Okay okay, so he was," Naruto confessed, removing his hand from behind his neck, "But it's not my fault he's too myopic to see the humor in it!"
"Myopic huh," Shikamaru inquired, resting his chin on his hands, "And what, pray tell, was the humor behind it?"
"Well, Akamaru's now a pink, male dog!"
"…You just wanted to annoy the hell out of Kiba, didn't you?"
"Well when you put it like that…"
Shikamaru sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You do realize that when push comes to shove and you're on a team of his, he's going to vote that you be sacrificed first, right?"
"You mean he's going to pull a gambit just because of a stupid joke?" Naruto shouted, slamming his hands on the table as fear pumped through his veins. Shikamaru nodded, causing Naruto to groan and slam his head on the table. "I'm doomed!"
"Oh stop being such a baby," Ino scolded, glaring at Naruto. Naruto glared back, picking his head up off the table.
"She who doesn't act histrionic first may cast the first animadversion!" Naruto shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Ino. Ino's eyes narrowed, causing Naruto to gulp in terror as she grabbed his collar.
"I don't know what the hell you just said, but I'm kicking you out just because I didn't like the sound of it," Ino scolded, dragging Naruto out from the table and towards the door, "So go find some other group to bug the hell out of!" Ino screeched, tossing Naruto out of the restaurant and into the street. Naruto groaned as Ino walked back to the table, picking himself up and dusting himself off.
"And this is what I get for deviating course," Naruto thought as he began his course back to Ichiraku again.
"Ah…" Naruto thought, the air around him slowly becoming tainted with the tantalizing scent of ramen, "I've finally reached my halcyon haven."
"Naruto," The chef greeted, looking up from his pots as Naruto entered, "How've you been boy?"
"Been a rough day old man," Naruto said, sitting down at an open stool, "But it's nothing that can't be fixed by a big bowl of Ichiraku ramen!"
The chef laughed, already firing up his burners, "Well, I better prepare my best customer's regular order, right?"
"I like how you think old man," Naruto said as he gave a big grin, "As soon as I come on the scene you're summarily preparing my order!"
The chef laughed again. "Quite a vocabulary word you're using there. Been hitting the books I see?"
"More like the books are hitting me," Naruto laughed, rubbing the back of his head. The chef grinned as he handed Naruto his first bowl of ramen.
"Here you go son!"
"Thanks old man," Naruto said, grabbing his chopsticks and breaking them apart, "Well, bottoms up!" Naruto announced, picking up a large amount of noodles. He blew on them to cool them off before slurping them up quickly. As he got halfway through sucking them up though, his face changed to a troubled expression as he cut off the noodles, chewing what he had before swallowing slowly. The chef noticed his expression immediately, concern washing over him.
"What's wrong Naruto?"
"I-I don't know…" He began, staring at his bowl in horror, "The smell is still a delicious undulating aroma, but the noodles…Th-The noodles, or maybe the broth…"
"What about them Naruto," The chef asked, urgency entering his voice. "If my favorite customer doesn't like them, I'm ruined!" He thought, fear slowly creeping up.
"Th-They taste so…so…so brackish!" Naruto wailed, slamming his head upon the counter in misery, "How is the ramen that I'm such an avid fan of going to cheer me up if I can't even eat it old man?"
"Now now Naruto, don't panic," He said, trying to console the boy, "I'm sure there's a way around this."
"How," Naruto wailed, pounding his fist on the counter, "How can I even begin to think of a way around this when my only fix in the world has gone from wonderful to pejorative?"
"Well…M-Maybe Lady Tsunade has an answer for you."
Naruto's head shot up as hope lit his eyes with a new fire. "Grandma Tsunade! Of course! Thanks old man, I'll be back before you know!" Naruto shouted, jumping from the stool and racing off towards the Hokage tower. The chef sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he watched him run off.
"If that boy doesn't kill me, I don't know what will," He thought, going back to his cooking.
"Grandma Tsunade," Naruto shouted, busting down the door to her office. Tsunade sighed, a bottle of sake already open and within drinking distance.
"How many times do I have to tell you, stop calling me Grandma," She scolded before taking a swig from the bottle. Naruto ran up to her desk, both hands slamming down onto the table.
"There's no time for that! Please, grandma, you've got to help me!" Naruto begged, falling to his knees in front of her desk. Tsunade looked down at him, an eyebrow raised in question.
"What's so important that you're already groveling about it," She asked, watching as Naruto looked up at her with pleading eyes.
"My brain! Something's wrong with my brain!"
"Naruto, we've all known that for a few years now."
"No! I mean, something's really wrong with it," He said, waving his arms frantically, "I've been using these really big words all the time, and-and I tried to eat Ichiraku ramen and I couldn't!"
Tsunade stared at him, genuine surprise on her face. "You couldn't eat it?"
"I know right? That's like Kakashi using his books as some kind of incendiary! It's a sacrilege!" Naruto slapped his hands over his mouth, eyes wide with terror. "See? There it goes again! Help me grandma, I'm begging you in the most suppliant manner I can get! Gah!"
"Hmm…Describe to me the events that led up to this change in your language."
"Well, I was at Kiba's and I decided to dye Akamaru pink. So-"
"Stop right there," Tsunade said, raising a hand to stop him. Naruto instantly shut his mouth, waiting for her to speak again. "When I said events leading up to this, I meant any head trauma or anything. Not your stupidity which most likely led to any head trauma."
"Ooh…Well yeah, Kiba threw this enormous encyclopedia at me and it hit me right in the back of the head." Naruto said, gesturing to the spot where it had hit him. Tsunade nodded, rubbing her chin thoughtfully as she stared at him.
"Well, I would say that that blow to the head caused a certain personality shift," Tsunade concluded, leaning back in her chair, "Not a big one, but enough of one to…well, put it bluntly, make more of your brain cells work to full capacity."
"Hey!"
"Anyway, the only cure I can prescribe is another blunt blow to the head, preferably one with chakra involved, so that your personality can shift back to its original self."
"Great! So uh…Who's gonna knock my lights out?" Naruto asked, wringing his hands together nervously.
"Well…It's got to be someone with quite an arm on them, and since Sakura is busy…"
"Whoa wait, what's Sakura-chan doing?" Naruto asked, already dreading where this was going. Tsunade looked down at the papers on her desk before answering.
"Treating Uchiha for some minor stuff…Apparently the story involved Kakashi and his books, some words and phrases being tossed around, next thing I know I've got Kakashi practically in tears carrying a pile of ashes and Sakura with Sasuke hooked around her looking like she just had an intense romp with the devil down in Hell."
"…Why wasn't I invited to this?" Naruto exclaimed, eyes wide with disappointment. Tsunade looked at him, giving him her best serious expression.
"Because Naruto, you decided your time could be better spent dyeing Akamaru pink."
"Oh yeah…" Naruto said, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "But wait, shouldn't she be done by now?"
"You can't rush precise medical attention Naruto," Tsunade said, signing off on one of the many papers littering her desk.
"I'm not rushing medical attention Grandma! What I'm rushing is that stupid teme's revelation of how he wants Sakura-chan in bed already! Christ, after the first wet dream it's pretty overt that he wants her as the matriarch."
"Naruto, why are you telling me this?"
"I'm just saying, if that gurney in there becomes their like baby-making talisman, don't be surprised if you're suddenly always hearing moans and groans in there."
"Sakura has some standards you know." Tsunade said, her eyebrow twitching at the thought.
"Well yeah, I'm not questioning the propriety of Sakura-chan's towards hospital rules or anything, but she's human too you know."
Tsunade sighed, standing up so as to put an end to the disturbing images crossing her mind. "Naruto, would you mind standing over by that open window over there?"
"Hmm? Oh sure Grandma," Naruto said, standing up and going to the window. He stopped, looking out at the view before turning to look at her. "Hey Grandma, why'd you ask me to stand here anyway?"
"Oh, to give you hope that one day you'll be normal again and be able to look out at this view as Hokage yourself someday." Tsunade said, standing up and stretching her back. Naruto shrugged and accepted the answer, turning back around to stare at the scenery. Tsunade clenched her fist, chakra immediately surrounding it as she walked slowly towards Naruto.
"Now Naruto, did you say Kiba hit you in the back of your head?" She asked once she was within a good distance from his head.
"Yep! Right here too," Naruto said, pointing at the exact spot without turning around. Tsunade nodded, slowly taking aim and winding her arm back. Once she was dead on, she released her punch, her fist colliding harshly to the back of Naruto's head. Naruto was suddenly sent flying out the window, flipping continually through the air as he flew.
"Thank you Grandma Tsunade," Naruto called out, voice growing fainter with every mile he went. Tsunade waved, sighing as she watched him go.
"Maybe that was a little too hard…" Tsunade thought, watching as he flew off into the distance.
"Wow! This is some fantastic ramen," Naruto said, quickly slurping up his seventh bowl, "I had no idea that the Land of Snow had a stand that could compare to Ichiraku's!"
A/N: Yep, another fanfic using my vocabulary words. I doubt I'll be able to use all eight units, considering it takes a long while to come up with this fantastic stuff…Maybe if I have time in the morning and decide not to go back to sleep or something if we go in two hours late. (Calling for ice storm!) Review and you get a cookie in the shape of an encyclopedia! Until next time, JAA MATA!
Disclaimer: No one wants to own Naruto right now. Not even Kishimoto.