Reincarnated Poet: Alright, so I know, deep deep down, I should be working on The Conduit, but sadly, this urge hit me as I was reading a fanfiction. Someone (I'm not quite sure who) had brushed the idea of loving someone enough to do anything for them. It was a simple enough idea, but one that I thought more on and eventually this little doozie erupted to life in my mind. Its just a one shot, so don't worry, I will be back to The Conduit by the end of the night.
You always hurt the one you love.
Someone once told me that. The thought seemed foreign, false, and forbidden. Foreign because I'd never loved a soul other than myself in my life, and I hurt plenty of people. False because why would you hurt someone you loved? Forbidden because I knew. I knew it was true on some level. Deep down, I didn't really care, I just wanted to run from it.
Years passed and I didn't really think too much on the subject until it was thrown roughly back into my face. He might die tonight. He might walk out that door, clad in his tuxedo and dress shoes, and never again grace us with his presence. That might sound cold, but it wasn't meant to be. I might never fight with him again. I might never be thrown recklessly into a stack of bottles just to stand up and stomp off in a huff again. I might never again look him in the eye and know what he was thinking simply because I knew him.
My stomach churned. How was I supposed to stand idly by and watch that happen? How did he expect any of us to? Pogue, in all his rough and rumble glory hadn't been able to stand against that bastard. How could Caleb, our sweet and gentle Caleb, stand against him, alone and at a disadvantage to protect us?
I love you and I'll do anything for you.
That was another thorn in my side. It made sense, sure enough, but no one ever really meant it. If they had…If they had we wouldn't be in the predicament now. I'd thought it before, once or twice. Thought about telling him that I only fought with him because it was the only time I had all of his attention. That would have been too easy. Far far too easy. So now, as I sit back against this building, eyes black beneath my pale eyelids, I'm watching them. I'm watching him stand, alone and battered, as Chase Collins, or was that Chase Pope, beat him to within an inch of his life.
My insides rolled. Tyler wasn't watching. I'm not sure he wanted to know how it was going to turn out. If you didn't know, there was always a chance things could work out better than you'd hoped. I wanted to know. I wanted to know every time that good for nothing laid a hand on what was mine. Sarah's. What was Sarah's. I shook inside. Hers. Like hell.
If you love something, let it go.
Maybe that made sense. Maybe. Give the person you loved the freedom to be happy. But it also had a double meaning, like now, when Caleb was standing alone, one or two slow dodges away from willing away his birthright, his power. I crumpled inside when the power hit him, forcing him into the air as he ascended. If you loved something, how could you live with it gone?
I made the decision then, as I watched them fight, Chase throwing him through the door of the barn. I made the decision that no one else was willing to make because I was Reid Garwin. I was the outlier. I was the unpredictable. I was the one that wasn't willing to listen to the things people have said. I was the one that turned to my brother and clasped him into a crushing hug because I knew. I knew what I was about to do. Eyes still black I turned from him, leaving his blue eyes to stare at me in confusion. I growled as Chase crouched over Caleb's form, laying helpless in the mud.
"I." I echoed both Chase and Caleb.
"Will." Tyler took a step forward behind me. I heard his voice, strong but scared as he yelled at me.
"You." I looked up to the dark sky, watching as lightning danced back and forth.
"My." Tyler's hand closed around my shoulder and spun me around. He was scared. His face was drawn, but I knew that if one of us was going to go, it wasn't going to be Caleb. It couldn't be Caleb. They needed him too much. I needed him too much.
"Power." I expected it to sound and look cooler. I'm not quite sure what I expected. I death rattle? A low growl of energy as it left my body? Maybe. It didn't really matter that I didn't get my out in flames exit because my eyes were still watching Caleb. I saw it and felt it as my power left my bones, tearing through my muscles and went to him. It was fair, I reasoned. He'd be alright. They were on a level playing field. That was all he really needed.
My world went black and Tyler tried to keep my on my feet. I felt my knees hit first, then my chest. Subconsciously I was grateful I'd fallen like that. Its how the hero fell in the movies. I wasn't the hero, however, but I was close enough. I was all the world was going to get.
You always hurt the one you love.
I love you, and I'll do anything for you.
If you love something, let it go.
They've always said those things to me. Always, for as long as I can remember, I've heard those three statements about love. I couldn't understand them then. I really can't say as I do now, maybe it's the feeling of being more than myself now. The feeling of dieing for something greater. Finally being about more than just Reid Garwin. I'm not sure. I do understand something though, and I'll tell you what it is. I am Reid Garwin. I am a son, a brother, and a friend. That's what's carved into my headstone now.
I can see him. Standing over my grave. It's really unfair to him. Me and his old man. I couldn't care less. He needed it. He's crying.
You always hurt the one you love.
I understood that now. I did hurt him. Not physically. Not on purpose, but I did. The second one I proved to myself as well. I did love him, and I died for him. Then again, I also proved it wrong, along with the last. I couldn't trust him. I couldn't live for him. I couldn't watch him die. Maybe I didn't really love him then. If that's set in stone maybe I didn't love him enough. Who knows. I loved him just enough to do what Reid Garwin does: the easy thing.
I am Reid Garwin. I was a son of Ipswich. I was a brother. I was a friend. I was a lady killer. I was a player, a cheat, and a liar. I was quite a few things. All of those didn't matter in those last seconds before my body dropped like lead. All that mattered was what he was.
He was Caleb Danvers. He was golden, a brother, a son, a friend. He was in love. He was truthful and brave and talented. They say you can't weigh one life against the other. I say you can weigh your own life against another. I always have, and made the appropriate decision. This time, I came out a bit light. This time, I found someone more important than myself, and for once in my life, and my death, I'm okay with that.