Title: Baise-moi aussi, s'il vous plaît!
Author: LM Simpson (Kady the Red Panda)
Pairing(s): Haddock/Calculus, Haddock/Tintin (or rather, Haddock/Calculus/Tintin)
Rating: M
Warning(s): Slash aplenty, language, anal-oral
Disclaimer: To quote a famous REM song: "Collar me, don't collar me/I've got my spine, I've got my orange crush/ We are agents of the free/I've had my fun, and now it's time to serve your conscience overseas:"
Okay, Moulinsart, I'm a twenty year old redheaded autistic, part Cajun girl living in that state that's famous for its peaches and peanuts. I'm just doing this for fun, that's all.
Other tidbits: My first ever threesome, written or otherwise. Oh jeez, I hope this doesn't suck. Written for the Tintin_kinkmeme community on Dreamwidth.
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Haddock skulked cross-legged at the foot of his bed as Calculus and Tintin made out with each other, legs, arms, and tongues entwined. He was not angry that that the "lovebirds" were snogging stark naked on his bed, but rather frustrated. This was supposed to be a threesome, thundering typhoons, not a twosome! But the professor and the reporter evidently forgot that minor yet crucial detail.
Of course, he should've been grateful that at least his homosexual threesome fantasy was coming true, for the most part. He wasn't sure how Tintin did it, but the lad managed to seduce the professor and start having sex with him in the captain's bedroom. Even better, the professor seemed to be enjoying it! It was going so perfectly… except that the main mastermind himself hadn't been able to participate short of stripping naked in his room.
Haddock's elbows rested on his knees, while his right fist supported his chin. He was sure that he perfectly emulated Rodan's The Thinker, if the man in the sculpture was sitting cross legged, that was.
Now, Archibald! Think! How are you going to join them without ruining it all? Hmm…
Haddock left the bed and snuck behind the redhead. He attempted to clasp the boy in his arms and began sucking on a freckle sprinkled shoulder. When Tintin did not even so much as turn his head around in response, the captain let go and took a couple of steps backwards in disappointment.
Time for plan B then.
He climbed back to the queen bed and stopped right in front of the couple. Tintin moaned and pressed his fingers deep into the professor's shoulders. Calculus, meanwhile, was now reveling of how alluring he found redheads to be as he stroked Tintin's lipstick red erection.
"I agree with you Cuthbert," Haddock interrupted. "It's such a shame that there's so much discrimination against redheads, especially when so many of them are as beautiful as our reporter friend."
"End? You want this to end? But Captain! We can't end this just now! We just got started! Oh, and Tintin—"
"Enough!" Haddock said, before realizing how angry he just came across. "I mean… Time to change positions!"
Haddock stood beside his nightstand and uncapped a bottle of lubricant. Tintin loosened his grip and gently pried open Calculus's fingers from his precum oozing prick.
"What's wrong Tintin?" Calculus asked. "Was I too firm?"
"No, professor," Tintin replied, "The Captain just wants to make room for him, that's all."
"All right, then, I'll promise I'll use a softer touch next time, my friend."
Haddock got back on the bed with a greased up, more than ready for action erection. He further pushed the two away from each other to lie down against his back and to have a pillow elevate his head.
Now which one should I take first? I know that I definitely want to have sex with both of them. Tintin's younger, so he should be able to keep it up longer, or even more than once if he can! As for Cuthbert… Not so much…
"Tintin, I want you to ride me! Cuthbert, how about you sit on my head?"
"Give you head? But how I can do that when Tintin is inserting it into his rectum as we speak?"
"No Calculus, sit on my head head!" He pointed to the head attached to his neck.
"Oh! For a second there, I thought that you were daft enough to believe that someone could copulate with you anally and to lick and suck about your member simultaneously!"
As much as Haddock hated to admit it, a part of him was often greatly amused by moments like this (when the situation wasn't important, that was). He crushed upon Tintin for how intelligent and mature the boy was for his age, and he crushed upon Cuthbert for how intelligent yet charmingly childish the man was for his age. The two were a wonderful contrast from the easily tempered and pessimistic him.
Calculus's ass hovered a couple of inches away from his face.
"Are you sure that I won't suffocate you, my friend?" The professor asked, obviously a tad nervous.
"Yes! Just don't press down too hard!" He replied before reaching for and placing a dental dam over his mouth.
"… How would my rump taste like lard?"
After some final adjustments, all systems were go. Tintin thrusted himself up and down Haddock's seven inch long cock, hitting the captain's balls each and every time. The professor initially yelped in surprise when Haddock first licked around his opening, causing the captain to grasp his cheeks and pull him back down to reach him better. Once the initial shock wore off, he began to enjoy Haddock's slick tongue sliding the latex barrier about his cheeks and just around his opening, but never inside the anus itself. Then, Haddock shoved him a half foot up with one muscular hand and shoved a wet finger up his asshole.
"Oh my!" Calculus cried.
He groaned as Haddock moved and swirled the finger about inside him, and he moaned as he watched an extremely sweating and red Tintin cry out with pleasure, his own cock and balls swaying up and down with each thrust. Calculus's own penis ached, desperate for something to touch it and unload its burden.
"Captain! Captain!" Calculus cried. "I feel I'm about to—"
"Like hell you're coming right now," Haddock groaned between his own pleasurable sensations. He removed the finger and called "Time!"
Tintin stopped and groaned. "But Captain, I was feeling so… Full! And I was so close!"
"Just stay a little longer, lad; then it when you do climax it'll be more intense."
Tintin slowly lifted himself off the captain. His legs shook slightly. "Y-you have a point…"
Haddock applied more lube and pushed the professor so that he was on all fours, ass ready for entry. Calculus cried out with a mixture of pleasure and pain as Haddock shoved his entire shaft inside with one stroke and began rhythmically thrusting. As the captain repeatedly struck his prostate, Calculus finally found himself reaching down and locating his dark violet-red erection to play with it. Haddock himself was trapped in a world of lust and bliss when he felt someone attempting to position himself against him. Tintin's hands were clasped against his chest when he inserted his own penis into the captain.
The room blurred. His two partners blurred. He blurred. All he was aware of was the escalating arousal swirling all about his veins and sinew throughout his body. As he sprayed into Cuthbert, as Cuthbert spurted all over the blue quilt, as Tintin slipped out and painted his backside with splotches of white seed, Haddock was unaware that he was crying out with joy and without a care in the world:
"I'm free! I'm free! I'm free! …"