Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or anything associated with. That goes to Russell T. Davis and the brilliant people at BBC. If I had, all of them would be alive and well.
Note: Takes place after the 456 have left with Jack wallowing in self-pity and Gwen trying to cheer him up.
He had never felt so empty as he did at this moment, staring at his full glass of the strongest drink they had at the tiny pub not far away from the old Torchwood hub in Cardiff. It was about two months after the 456 had left and Jack Harkness was still feeling the weight of a heavy loss on his shoulder. Ianto, his friend and lover, had died in his arms on the floor of the government building no more than a few feet from the glass case that held the monster. Ever since then, he had searched for something to fill the void that not only Ianto's death created, but also his grandson's death. Jack would be the first to admit that he had made some mistakes in his life, but killing his own grandson while his daughter watched was, in his mind, the worst of them all. But, if he could go back and do one thing over again, he knew that he would make sure that Ianto was nowhere near that building when all the oxygen was sucked out. He would give anything if it meant saving his Ianto. Even give up his immortality.
"Jack?" Gwen Cooper asked gently, walking over to sit next to him, placing her hand on top of his, "are you alright?" she asked.
Jack looked up at her and Gwen could tell what the answer was immediately. No, he wasn't alright. She could tell by the hallow look in his eyes, the purple shading and bags around them showing his sleepless nights with dreams of the dead haunting him. So, she did the only thing she could think to do: she hugged him. "I miss him too, you know. He was my friend. But, it doesn't do to dwell on what has happened. We're British. We carry on" she said, a slight teasing tone coming to her last sentence.
Jack smiled despite himself, "You're not British, Gwen. You're Welsh" he countered, wrapping an arm around her waist.
"Yes, but you get the meaning" Gwen countered, stepping back a moment to look at him, "You don't need to feel so bad about it though. There's nothing you could have done" she whispered.
Jack shook his head, "No, there were many things I could have done. I could have chosen a different child than my own grandson, I could have made Ianto get out of the building, I could have done a lot of things, Gwen, I just didn't decide to" he growled, turning back to his drink.
Gwen sighed, closing her eyes before opening her mouth to try and say something to make Jack better, but nothing came out. "Rhys and I are going to go out for some dinner. You want to come with us?" she asked.
Jack shook his head, "I'd rather wallow in my self-pity" he replied, a slight smirk and teasing tone to his voice, reminding her of the old days when it was just them and Owen, Tosh, and Ianto.
"Very well then" she said, reaching down to kiss his cheek before walking back out of the pub into the cold September air, a light misting rain clouding her vision of the steps in front of her.
"How is he?" Rhys asked, leaning against the railing that separated the body of water from the docks.
Gwen sighed, "Not good. He thinks he could have done something to stop it, but it's more just self-pity than anything else" she said, frowning as she leaned back against the railing as well, looking through the window of the pub at Jack's slumped form.
"Just give him some time. I'm sure he'll be better soon" Rhys said, wrapping an arm around her, "He was like this when Tosh and Owen died, wasn't he?"
Gwen shook her head, "No, this is worse" she said quietly, taking one more look at Rhys before she started walking toward the restaurant, suddenly needing a distraction.