The following is a bit of a take on Video Game Confessions which belongs to the comedic genius of Doug Walker of Channel Awesome. Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT, and Dragon Ball Super belongs to Akira Toriyama, Funimation, Fuji TV, and Toei Animation. And to make this more fun to you the reader, I suggest putting on the theme from Video Game Confessions ( /watch?v=tCrrZ1NnCuM )
A/N: Thank thatsmybusiness43 for breaking the tie! Now it's Goku time!
Another thing, Chronoa is the Supreme Kai of Time, just to remind you and inform newcomers.
Anime Confessions – Son Goku
You're introduced to a young Saya-jin male of African descent about 5'9'' with a lean frame. His hair spiked and black with eyes of light gray. He wears a typical outfit of a bartender for a fancy restaurant.
"This is Ryo Nazo, a semi-retired Time Patroller. Ryo works in the seven-star restaurant known as the Tori Dragon Palace (which is two blocks away from the Pixel Palace). There, some of anime's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories, and even secrets. Because—as we all know—what the bartender hears is confidential... isn't it?"
Goku
So here I was sitting tending the bar with in walks in my former master, Son Goku. When I was a Time Patroller, I had…questionable loyalties. I trained under many masters while defending Toki Toki. I went from master and master. Funny enough, that Hercule was one of my mentors. He's dead to me. Although, there are five people that have my utmost respect as a teacher; Android 18, Krillin, Cell, Vegeta, and Goku. However, Goku and I were pretty close. He was my last mentor, and let's just say I impressed him well enough that he asked me to join his family. Of course, I had accepted. Rather that then be a teacher at Hercule's dojo. So I make him a piledriver (He and Naruto share the same favorite drink!) and pour myself a shot of sake.
"Goku, it's good to see you again." I said warmly taking a drink. "How's life treating you?"
"It's been great! With the new series and all, I'm so excited for what's next. How's being semi-retired?" He asked his usual cheerful demeanor.
"Can't complain. Wealthy now due to one of my patrons dying from alcohol poisoning. Poor kid, you'd want to hug him and maybe kill his father." I said blankly.
"That bad? Think I could wish him back with Dragon Balls?" Goku asked with a sip of his piledriver.
"As sweet as that is, I think he would prefer to stay dead. I don't think he has anyone wanting him alive anyway." I said sadly before perking up. "So how's Gohan?"
Secretly, I kind of disliked Gohan. I did like he was a family man, but hated he completely got to be weak by Super. Considering Goku's a grandpa, I'd think he'd pull his share to became Earth's main hero, but he fails at this. He failed in the Majin Buu Saga, failed in GT, but is getting better now in Super. If anything, him not taking part in the Universe 6 tournament was a misstep. That and wearing those glasses! Videl's ok though.
"Oh…he's good." Goku said excitedly. "He just wrote a bestselling book, "Groundbreaking Science". I helped in the editorial."
This excited me. Finally, it'll make Hercule look like a big liar for making ki attacks look like a trick. When I was training under that rat bastard, I made a better version of his Dynamite Kick. I pummeled him all through our training.
"And what about Chi-Chi?" I asked pouring him another piledriver and setting a plate of ice cream cake.
Chi-Chi and I had a real…bizarre friendship. If you wanted to motivate a person to train and fight, I'd be your guy. I also guess that because I had intelligence with my combat experience, she respected me a lot. I was Goku's to-go guy on matters of his wife. Kami knows he needs a wingman.
"Well I noticed something off about Chi-Chi. When I went to use the bathroom, I found this weird purple object in the desk. The head of it reminded me of an overgrown Frieza. I see it in Chi-Chi's drawer sometimes, but it was in the sink. And it was covered in something sticky smelling of Chi-Chi." Goku said to me. "I would have looked closer, but Chi-Chi came in looking panicked. Took it and bolted out of the bathroom."
Now Goku is pretty much innocent, but I sure as hell wasn't. I knew what that was. My dilemma was now should I even tell Goku what a vibrator is. I was red faced trying so hard to repress the image of that. Too bad, I use Tumblr, deviantART, and read fanfiction. So I sigh and down a shot of sake, I was going to need it.
"Goku, that thing is a tool for self-pleasure. Women use it to feel good…but it's usually for single women." I remarked. "I think I have a way to get her to stop using it."
I went to the back to my locker, looking for something that would help. Tablet that can spawn stuff, nope that's mine. Make-Out paradise, too smutty for Goku. Doujins, yes. I returned and drop a book on the counter for him. The cover had him holding Chi-Chi with a goofy grin.
"What is it?" He asked me.
"[Harunaga Makito] Flirting Practice. It's a doujin. Read that, and you can learn some techniques to use on Chi-Chi. Once you go, she'll toss that thing out." I said to him.
"Techniques!" Goku said excitedly. "Thanks, Ryo. I'll tell Chi-Chi you said hello. Think you can join us for lunch on Friday. We're planning to get dinosaur meat!"
"Of course, I wouldn't pass up your wife's cooking. Is Chorona coming?" I asked concerned.
"Um…no." Goku said blankly.
"Oh, then I'll definitely be there!" I said excitedly.
Of course, I covered for his drinks as I couldn't bring myself to charge my mentor. My little plan worked a little too well. Gohan had come in the next to ask what the hell did I do to his father. Apparently, Goku's become an instant expert in the arts of "sexual fighting" thanks to that book and Chi-Chi can't get enough of him. Gohan screamed at me of how he couldn't get any sleep. I looked at him and asked about Goten, Pan, and Videl. Gohan says they're sleeping just fine, but I tell Gohan to quit his bitching. Eventually, he moved out to Hercule's mansion to sleep. On Thursday, Goku returned with a package for me. Seems, Chi-Chi wanted to thank me for my help. He told me he had to go though, Chi-Chi wanted to him to deliver it and take her out shopping. I had a real rotten feeling about the package, but I completed my shift heading home. Thankfully, a certain someone isn't home. So, I open a package and in it was a letter.
Went something like this,
Ryoshiro,
Thanks for your help with Goku and I. He's a lot more attentive now than he usually is. At first, I wanted to tear your balls off when he told me you gave that book to him, but that was before he's shown his new "techniques". I owe you a very large debt. So, I've asked Goku to let me personally reward you for your help. I had not realized you were giving advice to for him to work to be an even better parent and husband, and I want to rectify this. You'll find something you'll like just for you in that box and you'll get something extra on Friday.
Sincerely,
Son Chi-Chi
So, I went into looking inside the package, and I found some photos. Some swimsuits photos…and some of a very shy Chi-Chi doing a lot more not safe for work photos of herself. And I'm not even going into the DVD she gave me. I'll put it this way, she knows how to reward a person!
You see a lot of strange things as a bartender, see a lot strange things at the Tori Dragon. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Tori Dragon, and that isn't no lie. Swear to it!
Now if you excuse me, I must be off to get that "dessert" Chi-Chi said she had to me.
(A/N: This one might be my most perverse. I am a huge GoChi fan, and I had to admit that I originally wanted to talk of the issues about Goku's mixed feelings about Gohan, but Chi-Chi took over. I just love the ship…and I admit I've wanted to write DBZ for a while. With Dragon Ball Blackthorned on a slowdown, I've been thinking of a new idea for what I could do. I might have something. Either way, what's on those photos and that DVD are up to you to decide. I hope you readers caught on to a certain hint. ;) Edit -8/22/17, A small alteration to match up with Ryo vs the Xenoverse canon. 10/13/17 – Final Edit)