Fix You
Coldplay
…..
"You did this to me…." Jacinta screamed at him.
Dave could not a word as mind could not register the agony he was feeling.
"Because of you I can never walk again." She cried.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He kept repeating over and over again….seeing her lay in the hospital bed.
"Too little too late. Sorry won't bring my legs back. And those tear…are only fake. You wanted me here…away from Alli….away from you…you think she is going to want to be with you…..an attempted murderer….."
"I didn't mean to…you have to believe me….you have to…you have to…" He dropped down on his knees by his hospital bed
"How does it feel Dave…that raw feeling in the pit of your stomach…to know that you took advantage of someone and threw them away….I hope it burns…..rots…
…..
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" He screamed.
"Dave…" Alli saw her love toss and turn…violently.
Unable to control his tears…his breathing…his moans and staggered cries.
"Dave…wake up please."
She cried rocking him back and forth…whispering in his ear gently like a mother to a child….afraid of monsters. She was trying to keep his monsters away.
She hated seeing him like this. She hated seeing him like this….weak...broken….unable to breathe….unable to feel anything….except the pain…the grief…his mental frustration….his mental beatings
His guilt….his conscious wouldn't let him forgive himself.
"Shhh." She held him…feeling him wake up all of a sudden.
"Alli I told you to go home." He pushed himself out of her arms as if the dream never happened. He still felt the shock, the anger, the rage…toward himself…the cold sweat.
"Please do as I say" He gritted his teeth as sat on the edge of the bed balding his fists. Hearing the bed sheets move, he heard her footsteps. Good. She was leaving. He didn't want her to see him like this. He was pushing her away for a reason.
But she didn't leave. She rested her head on his shoulder…grabbing his hand…lacing their fingers together. It broke his heart even more.
"No…for the past weeks…I've given you space…and refused to talk about it…because I didn't want to talk about it myself."
"And I have been ignoring your calls because I know eventually it would end up in this conversation." He said sternly.
Alli began to tear. This was not her Dave…her easygoing, goofy, light-hearted Dave…and she didn't know what to do.
"You know what. You can say anything that you want to me…but I'm not leaving you." She said looking in his eyes…the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep...the stress on his face.
"We've been through too much….." He kept trying to ignore her words that he knew were true…but it just made him madder…and shake more.
"Why not?" He jumped up ….exploding. He was trying to scare her but her face did not budge…she did not budge. She let him yell at her…at least he was saying what he kept to himself for so long.
"Baby…it's ok…" She walked over to him…hugging him. "It was an accident….."
"No….Alli. She didn't deserve that. No one does….I'm here right now and I can stand….walk…and she can't. I deserve this punishment. I deserve to feel THIS…."
"It's ok. I'm here…." She touched his face gently….wiping away the tears.
"But you shouldn't be here…with me. I don't deserve you. I never did. You're too good for me. I mess up everything. I hurt you so much…..how can you love me….how can you look me in the eye." He shook as she rubbed his arms.
"Because I've hurt you too…."She led him back to the bed.
"But not like I have….." Dave laid down on her chest…holding her.
"Alli when Jacinta got hit….I felt powerless…there was nothing I could do…if I had of handled it better….if I would have handled it better…" He gripped her tighter.
How could Alli still love him? How could she be here right now with him…at his lowest moment….and still not leave his side? He was overwhelmed by her big heart. She wasn't going to leave him again…and he wasn't going to leave her.
"You didn't know what was going to happen to her…" Alli only rubbed his back.
"She asked me did I really you…..and she knew the answer…that's why she walked…into the street…she was…"
"Dave…you can't keep…."
"no you don't understand….because…when she was hit…my heart dropped…and in the back of mind…..I was glad that it wasn't you….even though her injury is on my conscious…I'm glad it's her and not yours. Alli do you know what I would do if I caused anything to happen to you?" He looked up at her.
"Alli…you are the only girl that I have ever loved." His words brought tears to her eyes.
"Dave I love you too…but you have to talk to me like this…you can't shut me out. It will drive me insane.
"I don't want to weigh you down." He said.
"That's not the point….when one is weak…the other has to be strong. Right now….I am your strength." She said sniffling.
Dave could only nod and hate himself more that Alli was this good to him….and strong for him…but he would not let her go because they had been through so much together. Not only was she his girlfriend but his best friend. He needed her now more than ever.