Never seen a blue sky
Yeah I can feel it reaching out
And moving closer
There's something about blue
Asked myself what it's all for
You know the funny thing about it
I couldn't answer
No I couldn't answer
Yeah - long time I've written anything in this. I guess I've been thinking a bit too much lately.
Not enough time in the day. Once more, I offered my services to Vincent Valentine to babysit his 'adopted family'. I don't mind it too much. Extra cash doesn't hurt. Babysitting the remnants isn't as bad as some would think. Behaving tends to be easy for them.
Tseng knows about it, but it's not such a big deal anymore.
He doesn't seem to care much about what I do in my spare time anymore. I'm grateful for that.
Things have turned a deeper shade of blue
And images that might be real
May be illusion
Keep flashing off and on
Managed to almost freeze my hands in the cold earlier while picking up the silver-haired children earlier today. Kadaj and his brothers.
The remnants, especially Kadaj, they've got mommy issues. Not that I blame them.
I never had much of a parent myself. I was on my own since age 7. Remember being shifted from place to place, never really fitting in anywhere. My older brother wasn't allowed to see me - he had a drug problem that kept him from taking care of me.
And people wonder what's wrong with me. Why I chose to make a name for myself with the Shinra Company. As a Turk.
Free
Wanna be free
Gonna be free
And move among the stars
You know they really aren't so far
I'm sure Kadaj loves his brothers. They've got their own family unit, their own little handshake - kiddy things. Secret family traditions that the normal family has. I envy them. Just watching them work together makes me a little jealous. It's like watching a part of life I never had. I'm not one to cry over trivial things, but I've caught myself close to tears.
Feels so free
Gotta know free
I've been caught crying by Kadaj several times. Made up the excuse that I've got something irritating my eyes. He always acted like he bought it, but I'm sure to Gaia he never has.
Please
Don't wake me from the dream
It's really everything it seemed
I'm so free
Been at their house for a few hours now.
Helped Kadaj make his Jenova-cell cookies, but didn't eat even one. Didn't feel like eating anything. Still don't want to touch them. Kadaj asked me if I wanted one, but I declined.
Another signature fake smile plastered on my face. A cracked one, since it's such an old trick.
Had to break up a fight between Loz and Kadaj over the choice of movie for their 'movie night'. Underworld 1 or 2. Suggested they watch both, which worked.
Wound up with a bruise on my shoulder, but I'll live. I always do.
No black and white in the blue
Despite dealing with the remnants almost every night, it's not that bad. They got used to a Turk babysitting them when 'Father' is away.
One other thing I didn't have.
Kadaj and his brothers should be grateful for what they have. Not all people are as lucky.
I'm sitting in my car writing this. I haven't left yet, but I just felt like I needed a breather. This is better than sitting inside that house, babysitting the missing parts of my life while holding back whatever emotion or sadness I feel. Watching the remnants is more painful than anything. I've been through.
Kadaj does seem to like me, but I'm not so sure he trusts me. I wouldn't be surprised.
No one tends to trust the Turks, on any grounds they can think of.
The stupidity of people.
Not only do they not trust me - the remnants are their newest targets.
The main reason they were out in the cold earlier. I could've just left them to freeze, but I wasn't gonna let that happen.
Don't feel like going back to get my coat. I figure whoever finds it can have it - I've got plenty back at the apartment.
The other reason for sitting out here - the carburetor broke and I'm stuck. And cold.
Maybe I should've grabbed my coat.
Everything is clearer now
Life is just a dream you know
That's never ending
Reno looked up, hearing a tapping on the window.
"Hey, Turkie - you forgot this."
A silver-haired remnant dressed in a thick parka stood outside his car door. The redhead closed the journal, stuffing it into the glove compartment, and slowly opened the door, catching a glimpse of his breath crystallized in the air.
Kadaj held up the dark blue coat in one hand, handing it to the shivering Turk. "Thought you might need it."
Reno nodded, quickly putting it on. "Damn, it's cold . . ." He glanced at the remnant, stuffing his hands into coat pockets.
I'm ascending
". . .Thanks."