The Pianoman
Disclaimer: All Characters, places, companies, songs, and so forth belong to thier own creators (much to my displeasure because not only would I be filthy rich I'd own so pretty awesome stuff). Enjoy!
Hello all. So I just wanted to let you all know, before I get complaints that the words are wrong for the song, I know. I changed a few so it would fit a bit better, but the words from the original song fit just as well. I was feelling nitpicky. Also if there are in any grammer or spelling mistakes I'm sorry. I didn't have a beta read through this. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writting it.
Oh and this is for Lizzie, just because she hates Edward/Bella. hehe.
I needed to get out of the house. I needed to breathe, and it felt like the stuffy air in the house was chocking me.
"I'm going for a drive dad." I called down the stairs as I grabbed my jacket out of my closet. I headed down the stairs and grabbed my keys off of the kitchen table.
"Be home before dark." My dad called from the living room, most likely not even looking up from the game that was on the TV.
"Sure." I called back over my shoulder as I closed the front door behind me. I ran through the light rain and hopped into the cab of my truck, slamming the heavy door shut as I got in.
I put my key in the ignition and threw it into reverse and backed out of the drive. I turned east and trudged down the road in silence, well as in much silence as my car would give me. I reached the first stop sign I decided that I wasn't going to think about where I was driving, I just was going to drive and let my truck take me where it wanted to go. I really hoped that the drive would clear my head.
~*~
I soon noticed that I was driving down a road that looked fairly familiar, in a way that made my stomach knot. I had a sinking suspicion why. I had driven own this road with him before. The moment I realized this I pulled over and turned the car around, not wanting to go any further and there was no way I was going to keep driving along here.
I was having trouble concentrating on driving so I pulled off onto the first turnoff I found and drove far enough away from the main highway so I wouldn't be able to hear the sounds of the passing cars. I pulled over again, but this time I parked, and I rested my head on the steering wheel. I couldn't keep running away from everything that reminded me of him. I sighed in my frustration and got out of my car. I figured cars rarely drove down this road, the asphalt still looked new. I pulled my hood over my head and shoved my hands in my pockets and started walking down the side of the road.
~*~
I must have been walking for about thirty minutes before the trees finally started to clear up, but as the trees cleared up the rain came down harder. I quickly tucked my head down and walked a bit faster down the road. It wasn't until I was walking up the steps of a house that I realized that I had just put myself in the worst possible situation that I could have possibly ever put myself in. My heart had fallen into my stomach and I was able to process why that road had looked so damn familiar. It was the highway that led to his house, the house that I was now standing on the front porch of. I shut my eyes tight and worked on pushing back the memories that threatened to crush me. I thought about turning around and running back to the safety of my car, but I couldn't get my feet to move. This was not going to be good for me in any way, especially for me getting better. I was going to fall to pieces for sure. Everything that I had tried to get away from was standing just in front of me, and I couldn't just turn around and run away from it. It was as if I was being pulled here by some unseeable force that only existed to cause me pain. No matter how much I urged my feet to turn around and run, they would take a step forwards in the opposite direction, in the direction of my demise.
I was standing at the front door my hand resting on the door knob. I didn't know what I would find on the other side of that door, for all I knew, it would be and enormous empty house. I think that would be harder for me, because then there would be no hope of them returning for me. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and turned the door knob, it sent a shock through me when it turned, causing me to let go. The door slowly opened before me, casting a dim light in the dark entry way.
I let the door swing all the way open before stepping over the threshold. I cold shiver went up my spine and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to remain calm and not have a mental breakdown, in the middle of nowhere, where no one would be able to find me. I held on tightly to the little sanity that had left and walked into the middle of the living room. It was a relief to see that all the furniture had been left and covered with white sheets. I looked around the room and saw his piano. I stepped closer and grasped the sheet in my hand slowly pulling it off, letting it fall onto the floor. The piano looked just as grand when I first saw it. I ran my hand along the closed lid and slowly shut my eyes, remembering the times that he had played his piano for me. It brought a small smile to my face. I opened my eyes and saw the dark room before me; it was so much different than when they were here. There was hardly any light, seeing as the windows were covered in heavy drapes, and not one of them was here to brighten up the room as they so often did.
I shook these thoughts away from me and made my way over to the piano bench and sat down. I carefully lifted the lid that covered the piano keys and sat back and just stared at them. How many times had his hands brushed over these keys and made sweet melodious music, mostly his own compositions. I couldn't let that effect me the way I knew that it could. I took another deep calming breath before gently running my fingers over the keys, careful not to press any of them down, not yet.
Why the hell was I here? I must really be some sick kind of masochist in order to put myself through this kind of pain and misery, sure it wouldn't be now, but latter, tonight especially, I would be pretty much cationic. But it felt like I had to do this, that if I could get through this then I would be better in the long run. I stood up and made my way to the bookshelf where I knew that he had kept his sheet music and grabbed the first one I saw. Sure I didn't really know how to play music but I was sure I could figure it out. I knew where middle C was on the scale so I could figure it out from there, as long as I picked out a simple song. I walked back to the piano with the book clutched tightly in my hands. I sat down and started flipping through the pages looking for a song. I soon realized a problem with my plan as I sat there looking for a song. Every song in his songbook was long and complicated and I doubted that there was going to be anything simple and easy in the book that I could play. With his vampire speed and decades of practice, there wasn't a song that he probably couldn't play and so I sighed as I continued to flip through the book. Nothing looked simple but I was determined.
I was in the middle of the F's of the third book that I had pulled off the shelf before I finally found a song that looked somewhat easy, mostly repeating notes it seemed. I quickly took the book and placed it on top of the piano lying open so I could read the music. I played the first series of notes and it a sour note once I hit the next line. I started over. I was going to get this right no matter how long it was going to take me. I would come back here everyday if I had too.
~*~
I had finally played through the entire song twice without hitting a foul note and that made me smile. Now I figured it was time to add the lyrics. I played the top line slowly trying to learn the tune, silently singing the words to myself, but I caught myself short one I reached the words of the third line. I sucked in another breath before slowly reading the rest of the words.
I couldn't breathe. Everything seemed to fit almost too perfectly, everything that I was feeling was laid out there in front of me, already written into song, as if someone was expecting me to come here and find this.
Alice? It couldn't possibly be; if she had known about this she would have told me something, right? I quickly pushed that thought out of my mind and turned back to the song. If I had any sense then I would have stood up and run out of the house right then, but I guess I was too much of a masochist to do something that would be beneficial for me. I shut my yes for only a moment before opening them with great determination. I wasn't going to let this song get to me. I wasn't going to let him control everything that I was going to do with my life and everything I avoided. I played the top line all the way through until I had learned the tune well enough that I could play the bottom part and sing the song without really thinking about what notes I needed to sing.
I slowly started the song, plunking out the intro. I paused briefly at the note before the first word and took a deep calming breath. I wasn't sure I could handle it, but I had to try. So I slowly began singing.
I tried to steady myself as my finger hit the last key and the note hung there in the air, echoing in the silence of the empty house. I softly closed the lid on the piano and gently laid my head on the cool wood. I was trying so hard to keep myself together, not caring that it was getting dark outside, and that my dad would probably be worried. I didn't care anymore. I had lived long enough to understand that life couldn't always be about trying to make sure that other people were happy even if you were miserable and I was tired of trying. I gave up, again. I wasn't going to try to be better for anyone, not for my friends, not for Charlie, not for him, not for anyone. I buried my head in my arm and cried. I didn't know if I was ever going to be able to stop.
I was sitting on an airplane letting my mind wander. Letting my mind wander was a dangerous thing these days, I frequently almost gave into my own needs. This then resulted in having to beat them back with such a harsh furry that if I was human I would have killed myself a hundred times over.
Unfortunately, death was no easy feat for me. I couldn't let these thoughts bother me. I was on a mission and I'd be damned if I would be stopped by my own selfishness. Pun aside, this was like I was sentencing myself into a personal hell, it was entirely my fault that this entire mess had started. If I had only stayed in Alaska after that first week…
No, I'm glad I didn't, I wouldn't have traded those months for anything in the world, despite my misery now. It was all worth it, I had never been so happy in my entire existence. I only hoped that my beautiful Bella was alright. A clean break, that's what I had given her no matter how much it pained me to do so. How much it had hurt for her to believe my lies so easily. I could never forgive myself for that tortured look that I had placed on her face, it looked so wrong there, and I was the one who did it to her. I only hoped that she would be able to move on quickly. Her friends would help her.
"We will be landing in Seattle in just fifteen minutes. The weather is cloudy and there is a light drizzle. On our decent there might be some slight turbulence so please make sure all trays and seats are in their upright position and please remain buckled in your seat until we have pulled up to the terminal. We here at American Airlines hoped you enjoyed your flight and that you travel again with us real soon." The voice from overhead broke my train of thought and reminded me why I had come back here. Victoria. A low growl rumbled in my chest, causing the old woman next to me to give me an odd look, before shifting a bit further away from me.
I repressed a frustrated a sigh as the plane taxied into the terminal. This was the part that I hated the most of flying, getting on and off the plane took to long for my liking, especially when I had so much to take care of as soon as possible. I couldn't let anything bad happen to the people here. We had left a huge mess behind us, and I felt extremely responsible for that. It was my fault after all.
I tried not to murder the old woman next to me, who liked to people watch and so let everyone else get off the plane before her. I had to wait longer than I would have liked by far, and by the time I got off the plane I was in quite a murderous mood. It would be great if I could find Victoria today and finish her off. That would be quick work for me. I headed over to the Car Rental station at the airport and persuaded the young woman there to get me a nice, dark, fast car. I would trade out this car for one of the other cars back at the house when I got there.
I started the car and stepped on the gas, letting the tires squeal before heading out to the open road. I didn't really notice the looks of the people I had left behind me, Carlisle would have scolded me for not trying to blend in but I didn't really care anyways. I pushed the car around a hundred and ten before feeling somewhat content at the speed as I bobbed and weaved out of the traffic that was slowly letting up as I got closer and closer to that little town. I took the exit from the main highway that lead to the highway that lead to the road to our house here. I was worried that I would run into Chief Swan, I didn't think that I could bear to hear or see Bella through his mind right now. That would only make it harder to keep my selfish desires in check, I had to remember that I was here for Bella, I was here to make her life safer and then I would leave, just as silently as I had come.
I turned off the mountain highway and onto the side road that lead to my house and drove through the woods, making it to the house in a minute. I parked in front of the house and was about to walk inside when I figured that I ought to put the car inside the garage, it wasn't mine after all. I opened the garage door and pulled the car shutting pressing the garage button before heading back into the house. As the door shut however, I turned quickly so I was facing the front of the house. I heard what seemed to be and extremely loud car approaching the house, but the sound was cut off before I could place the familiar sound. I tried to shake it from me and figure that it was just someone who was having car trouble and pulled off on the first opening that they found. It made sense. If anything I was trying to find excuses, and trying to keep myself in control. Being here, only miles away from her, and not able to see her, talk to her, hold her, which was straining on me. It was clouding my brain and leaving hardly any room for planning out what I had come here to do. That had to take priority over anything else. I had to keep her away from the horrors of my world. It's why I had left her in the first place; it was the reason why I was so completely miserable.
I headed up the stairs to my room, I put on some of the loudest music that I had still here, and turned it up so that it was blaring in my ears, which in reality wasn't really all that loud. I got the maps out of the town of Forks out of Carlisle's den and laid them out over my desk, plotting the areas where I thought that Victoria might try to get to. I circled all the areas that I knew where Bella had been and would possibly go. I figured that I could try and sneak around the La Push Reservation and see if I could find her hiding out there, the wolves where gone now, so I figured that there would be no threat truly for me.
I spent the next half an hour working on plotting all the possible areas where Victoria might be and how I would go about not being seen by not only Victoria but also by anyone else who knew that we where here. I poured myself over the topographical map searching for hidden nooks that Victoria would hide or if needed where I could hide myself in case of an emergency. It wasn't easy trying to think like James, it made me feel sick, but his mind was the only taste I had on how a tracker thinks, and that's what I was trying to do at the moment. I had to think like James.
I was startled out of my work when I heard a door softly close below me. I at first thought that it was something in the distance, but then I heard the loud footsteps on the first floor and quickly knew otherwise. There was a human in the house. It was probably the one who had broken down back on the highway. I, frustrated, ran a hand through my hair, making it only messier. Pushing myself away from the desk, I walked at a normal human pace down the stairs, when I heard what sounded like that person taking off one of the sheets that was on the furniture. Now I was curious. I understood someone walking here looking for help with their car and then finding the door unlocked, but I didn't think that it was common human behavior to then start uncovering the furniture in what looked like to be an unoccupied house. Who knew maybe this person was somewhat uncivilized, hell it could be Newton then.
I got to middle of the last set of stairs and froze. My nostrils faired and an extremely large burning sensation roared up in my mouth and throat. I knew that smell and that feeling like the back of my hand, and the burning I was able to repress, not as quickly as I once had, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I wasn't about to let that bother me. I was stunned, I wasn't sure if I should run back up the stairs and jump out of the top floor window and run for it or if I should walk in there and see what her reaction would be. Although it didn't really seem to matter at the moment, I couldn't move, to stunned by shock. I was paralyzed. I listened though, trying to figure out what on earth she was doing here, of all places.
I heard a scrape against the wood floor and her heavy steps as she walked over to the other side of the room. She stood there for a while before making it back to the middle of the room, scraping her chair once again against the wood. She set something down on what sounded like a table and started to flip through what sounded like a book. It was nerve racking to be only a room next to her and know that I had to stay here, I had imagined that it would be difficult to stay away, but now that she had basically come to me what was I to do? How could I run away when every part of me wanted nothing more than to be next to her? I didn't think that it would be easy for either of us, it would be awkward. I had broken her heart; I don't think that she would forgive me for that.
My breath caught and she surprised me again when I heard a brief series of notes, along with a sour note at the end. I heard her curse under her breath and I chuckled softly, she was still as stubborn as the day I first saw her. That made me smile, she was still the Bella I knew and loved. I heard her try again and again until she finally got through the entire song perfectly twice. It was so simple and so beautiful, but I wondered where she had gotten the song. I hadn't heard it before; did she come here often to play the piano? Did she bring that song with her? These were all questions I needed to know the answer too, besides the basic ones that would be answered with out a word uttered by either of us.
I heard her breath catch, and my attention was once again completely focused on the beauty in the next room. There was silence, I almost thought that she had disappeared or that I had imagined everything, wouldn't that be wonderful? A vampire who has started to hallucinate, I didn't think that I had heard of such a thing before in my existence. But I was quickly brought out of my thoughts once I heard the song start up again, slowly and almost as if she was using extreme caution and then I heard the most wonderful thing in the world. My beautiful angel was singing, I didn't think that I had heard anything more pure.
I, once again, brought myself out of my own thoughts and focused them on every single delicate sound and word, trying to commit them to memory. I wanted this to reflect on later when I was lying about letting the misery have at me. I listened, and then the words hit me. I didn't think that I could have heard something so anguishing.
Your fingertips across my skin,
The pine trees swaying in the wind.
Images.
You sang me a gentle lullaby,
The sweetest sadness in your eyes.
Clever Trick.
Well I never want to see you unhappy.
I thought you'd want the same,
For me.
Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back never turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do.
We walked along a crowed street,
You took my hand and danced with me
Images.
And when you left you took my life.
You told me you would never ever forget
These Images.
No.
Well I never want to see you unhappy,
I thought you'd want the same for me.
Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back never turned on you.
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do.
I cannot go to the ocean,
I cannot drive the streets at night,
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind.
So your gone and I'm haunted,
And I bet you are just,
Fine.
Did I make it that easy,
To walk right in and out
Of my life?
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I've tried not to think about you
But I just can't let you be.
So long my luckless romance
You've turned your back on me
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Cause almost lovers always
Do.
I stood there shell shocked. I didn't know, I had no idea. And the feeling that she put behind every single word, it was like my unbeating heart had been wrenched out of my chest, not an easy feat when you're talking about a stone hard vampire. What had I done to this picture of perfection? I surely deserve a place in hell if I had caused her so much misery. I know she would be heart broken… but this? I never expected this. I found it harder and harder to stand there, and the now empty space in my chest panged for her. It was open now.
A sob sounded from Bella as she tried to breathe through her tears, and that one sound woke Edward from his paralyzed stated and made up his mind right there. He couldn't hurt her any longer, and cursed himself for doing so in the first place. So, cautiously, he moved further down the stairs and rounded the corner to the living room. He saw her and stood there for a moment trying to comprehend what he could possibly do, not wanting to startle her and wanting to hold her delicately close to him. The sight of her made him wish that he could cry. Her sobs felt like his own and each tear that fell was like a stab at his heart that she held. He took an unsteady step and deliberately stepped down hard enough so that the floorboards underneath him squeaked.
Bella's breath caught once more and she quickly looked up, her face stained with her tears. Bella couldn't believe what she was seeing, and quickly closed her eyes and opened them expecting Edward to just disappear, and was surprised every time that he didn't.
"Bella?" Edward asked in a hoarse voice. He took one slow step forward, unsure of what to do exactly. It scared him more than he liked.
"Edward is it really you?" Bella whispered, she too was also unsure of herself. Both Edward and Bella were so sure that the other was just a projection of their weary minds, both grief-stricken, that as soon as they touched the other would disappear into thin air. Edward however was going to take the chance, more than willing to hurt himself than to cause her misery, he quickly took the few steps closer to her and grabbed her extended hand and pulled her up to him, bringing her lips to his, his arms tightened around her, not wanting to let go. The kiss deepened and was obviously urgent, and it was Edward who ran his tongue along Bella's bottom lip, making Bella gasp in surprise. Both gave into their desires and selfish needs. It wasn't long though until both were gasping for air, Edward's head rested gently against Bella's.
Bella pulled back slightly so she could look into Edward's dark topaz eyes, her eyes watering. "Edward why are you here? I didn't think that you—" Edward brushed his thumb over her lips, loving how soft they felt.
"Shh, I know. I'll explain everything to you. Can we—" Bella cut him off as well, smiling slightly.
"Just enjoy the moment?" Bella offered.
"Yes." He breathed, before pulling her back into another kiss. Once they pulled back apart worry was etched across Bella's face and Edward looked concerned.
"It is you right? I mean if this is just my imagination trying to—" Bella started before silenced once again by Edward.
"It's me and I'm never leaving you again."
"Edward, I don't know what to think."
"Don't think then." Edward smiled down at her, finally feeling complete again, there was no hole in his chest but only a large swelling feeling that felt like it would make his heart explode. Bella, who was leaning against his chest, could have sworn she heard just one heart beat.