My father was my hero. My idol. He was the man who I looked up to. He was the man who taught me the importance of family. He was the man who worked his fingers to the bone so he could provide for his wife and three sons. He was the man of the house, the person that everyone looked up to, and I was going to be just like him.
I'll never forget the time I became a man.
I was thirteen going on fourteen when I noticed that I had starting growing facial hair. It wasn't much really. It was just some light fuzz that covered my upper lip and chin, but it meant that I could shave my face, like my Dad did.
I made sure that I woke up early that morning. Dad got up before everyone else and I wanted to make sure that I caught him before he headed off to work. I waited until after he got dressed and headed to the bathroom.
"Hey Dad?" I asked. "Can I come in?"
"Sure Darry. Is somethin' wrong? You're never up this early."
"Look Dad." I traced my fingers along my jawline.
"Isn't that something," He said, and rubbed his thumb along my upper lip. "My little boy is growing up."
"Can I shave it off?"
"Well, of course!" Dad got out his shaving kit and showed me the correct way to shave, using his own stubble as example.
"Squirt a little shaving cream into your hand and spread it onto your face," Dad instructed. I did exactly like he showed.
"Then carefully bring the razor down along the side of your face." I tried to do as Dad said, but I ended up nicking myself a few times.
After I was done, I'll never forget what my Dad did. He crouched down so my blue eyes met his. He put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a look of approval. "You are a man now Darry. I'm real proud of the person you're becoming. You look after you younger brothers and I love you for that."
Seven years later and I hope my Dad is still proud of me. I've been doing the best I can, but keeping two teenage boys (plus four of their friends) in line isn't an easy job.
I'm in the kitchen, trying to scrounge up some food to cook for dinner. We don't have much because when I was supposed to going grocery shopping, I was pulling an extra shift at the warehouse so I could have additional cash for Ponyboy's incoming hospital bills. I managed to find a box of frozen chicken nuggets in the back of the freezer and a box of instant mashed potatoes.
Dinner was almost done when I heard four rowdy boys enter the house. Well, actually it was more like three rowdy boys and Ponyboy. He just hasn't been the same since the deaths of his two best friends and I couldn't help but have that nagging thought in the back of my mind saying "you did this." Maybe if I didn't lose my temper that night, he never would have ran out of the house. No. I pushed that troublesome idea and tried to focus on my brothers in front of me.
Pony and the rest of the guys took a seat at the table and horsed around a bit until I put a plate of chicken nuggets and potatoes in front of them. All of them loaded their plates with food, except for Pony, who just took one nugget.
"C'mon Pone, take a little more than that." Soda noticed that Pony wasn't eating. "Have some potatoes. They're your favorite."
He stared back at Soda and chewed his chicken longer than he should have. "I ain't hungry."
Soda decided not to press the issue any further. Smart move. I thought about saying something myself, but at least Pony was eating. It wasn't much, but it was an improvement. Besides, Pony and I have a better relationship now, but it still wasn't perfect. And if Soda couldn't get Pony to eat, then no one could.
The dinner ended with a quick food fight. It was quick because after a few spoonfuls of potatoes were flung, I put a stop to it real fast. I had a long day today and wasn't it the mood for any antics.
"Hey!" I barked. The guys jumped up from my harsh tone. "Potatoes don't grow on trees. I gotta pay for that food with money that I don't have, so I would appreciate it if you didn't toss it all over my kitchen!"
Soda understood the seriousness of my tone and grabbed a paper towel and proceeded to wipe the potatoes off the kitchen cabinet. "Sorry Darry," He mumbled, and the rest of the gang echoed his apologizes.
I left the boys in the kitchen and headed out to the front porch. The kitchen was becoming too cramped for me. The cool night air felt great on my face.
I was out there for a while, just sitting on the front steps on staring at the stars. Now I knew why Ponyboy liked looking at the stars. The way the sparkled along the dark sky was quite beautiful. Maybe I was too hard on Pony. He didn't use his head much, but I knew he wasn't doing it to be rude. That was just his personality and I would have to learn to live with it. Besides, there were worse things he could be doing.
The door slamming behind me caused me to snap out of my thoughts. Why does everybody have to slam the door around here?
"Hey Darry?" Two-Bit asked. He sat down next to me on the front step then chuckled. "You know you look like Ponyboy, with you sitting on the steps lookin' at the stars. And I know somethin's bugging you and don't tell me it's the potatoes because I know that ain't it. Tell me what's wrong Superman."
"Don't call me that."
"Why? We always do, what's wrong with the name now?"
"I haven't been feeling very much like Superman lately. I feel like everything I'm doin' is wrong," I admitted.
"Aw hell Darry, nobody's perfect. I sure ain't. But you, well, you're the best guy I know. Who else would give up their dream of playing football at a college university to raise their two younger brothers? You did. You could have been the first of your family to go to college, but you gave that up for Soda and Pony. And your brothers love you for that. They love you Darry, even if they don't seem to show it, I know they do. Your Dad would be real proud of the man you've become."
"Thanks Two-Bit. You're a real buddy for saying that," I said, and I really meant it. He may be the drunk jokester most of time, but he had his wise moments.
"You wanna go back in? The kitchen is clean now. We can start a game of poker."
"Yeah, that sounds like fun," I said. I had laundry to do, but that could wait. I deserved to have a little fun after a day of back-breaking work.
"We're sorry Darry," Pony said to me, once I came back in the house. The kitchen was sparkling. There was no trace of food crumbs anywhere, and it looked as if someone scrubbed the floor on their hands and knees.
"It's okay guys." I grabbed Pony into a hug, which he returned. "Let's play a game of cards."
The wound of losing my Mom and Dad will never heal, but moments like this, hanging out my brothers and best friends, makes the ache hurt a little less. I am the man of the house now and it is my job to take care of my family. We may not have much in this world, but we had each other, and that was enough for me.