Ron took a deep breath as he leaned back in his office chair, glass of whiskey in hand. A few thoughts floated around in his head as he sat there. The first was that if it were up to him he would have used a completely different kind of lumber to construct his desk. This was something he had contemplated in great depth through the years while he pretended to be working. Mahogany. He definitely would have gone with mahogany as mahogany's durability is unmatched by any other lumber. Whatever idiot decided to go with cherry wood should never be allowed to make furniture again as far as Ron was concerned.
But, as hard as he tried, he couldn't stop his mind from wandering to the more pressing matter at hand. Diane was pregnant. He was going to have a baby. He had thought about having a son before, but only in the abstract. He'd name him Ron Jr., and he'd teach him everything he knew about fishing, and woodworking, and breakfast meats. But what if this kid didn't even like bacon? Good Lord, could he love a son that didn't like bacon?
He was interrupted from his internal dialogue by his dark haired assistant looming in the doorway. It was kind of spooky how she appeared out of nowhere like that, but her spookiness was one of the things Ron appreciated about her as an assistant. It drove people away, and he liked that because Ron hated people. They were, more often than not, idiots.
"Hey" April said, staring at the ground. To anyone else her tone would have sounded purely apathetic, but Ron had a suspicion that she was upset about something.
"Is there something you need?" he asked as he set his glass down and looked up at her.
"Yeah" she nodded. "I- um, need to talk to you about something."
"Alright" Ron sighed. "Have a seat."
April sat in the chair across from Ron, never once removing her gaze from the floor. This wasn't completely atypical behavior for April. She, like Ron, tended to avoid contact to remind people that they didn't really care what they had to say. However, the amount of dedication she seemed to be devoting to never removing her gaze from the carpet was bizarre.
"Is there something wrong, Ludgate?" he asked, interrupting the awkward silence between them.
"No" she answered, as if he had suggested something ridiculous.
"Then what did you want to talk to me about?"
April picked at a thread on the bottom of her sweater before taking a deep breath. "I have to quit" she finally shrugged.
Ron was taken aback by this statement. He had figured that she was upset because that creepy friend of hers with the black cape had finally gotten arrested for luring small children into his windowless van, or because she found out Jerry decided not to retire after all. The last thing he expected her to say was that she was quitting.
"I know it kind of sucks" she said, finally making eye contact with him.
Ron nodded in agreement. April was a great assistant. With her gone, who would be around to not answer his calls and schedule all of his appointments for Marchtober Oneteenth? Andrew served as a suitable replacement temporarily during her time in Washington because his incompetence lead to just as many calls being unanswered. However, after a month he figured out how to answer the phone without dropping the call, and was able to successfully arrange meetings. That meant that Ron had to talk to people, and that displeased him greatly. To make matters worse, he had never had an assistant aside from April who was able to make his coffee the way he liked it- black with a side of bacon.
"Why are you quitting?" he asked as he took a jackknife and a block of wood out of his desk. He liked to whittle when he was upset, he had ever sense he was a small boy.
"I got into veterinary school" she shrugged.
"You want to be a veterinarian?" he asked in surprise. April had never told him this before, but then again they seldom talked to each other more than they needed to. That was another thing Ron appreciated about April, there was no pointless chit-chat with her.
"I guess, I mean I've sort of dreamed about it since I was a kid. I like animals because they aren't people, so..."
Ron nodded. Once again he couldn't agree with her more. Generally, animals were less insufferable than humans…. except for cats. He felt strongly that cats were pointless.
"I just felt like it was time to go for it" she said shyly.
Ron looked at April and struggled to contain his grin. He had a lot of these moments with her, like when she discovered new ways to scare people away from his office or thought up one of her genius plans to prank Jerry. He'd never let the kid know it, but he was proud of her, as much as he was ever proud of anyone. He knew she'd do good out there. She was creative and tough, and unlike most people she wasn't an idiot.
"There's just one thing wrong here" he sighed. "You can't quit because you're fired."
"What?" she asked, glaring at him angrily.
"You're fired" he repeated firmly. "So you should expect to begin collecting your unemployment checks within the next few weeks." He knew that those two kids didn't have a lot, and they'd probably be even more strapped for cash with April in school. Plus, this way he'd be screwing over the government and that thought tickled him.
"Thank you" April responded, and he could have sworn she started to smile before catching herself.
"You were a good assistant" he nodded. "It's going to be hard to find someone as dedicated to avoiding work as you were."
"Yeah, well I'm pretty sure Orin needs a job" she suggested.
"No" he answered quickly. He'd never admit this either, but that freak seriously scared the daylights out of him.
"Andy told me that your girlfriend's pregnant" she said after a moment of silence.
"Did he now?"
"Yeah" she nodded. "So… congratulations?"
"I'm not so sure this is a good thing" Ron admitted, surprised by his own words as they made their way out of his mouth.
"Why not?"
"Before I met Diane and the girls I found most children obnoxious" he explained.
"Most kids are obnoxious" April agreed. "But, it doesn't really matter what you think of other people's kids, just your own."
"I suppose you're right" he sighed. "I'm just not sure how I'll be at this whole fatherhood thing."
"I think you'll be good" she shrugged.
"You think?" he asked, surprised by April's rare moment of interest in another person's life.
"Yeah" she answered. "I mean you're good at fixing things, and you aren't annoying like most people."
"I guess I am pretty cool" he agreed.
"I should get going now" she said as she stood to her feet. "Andy's waiting for me. He's taking me out to dinner to like celebrate and stuff."
"Have a great night April" he nodded.
"Yeah, you too" she said as she turned to walk away.
"Wait-" he called out as he quickly stood to his feet.
"Yeah?" she asked, turning back around to face him.
"I have something for you" he said as he reached under his desk and pulled out a laminated picture.
"What is it?" she asked as he handed it to her.
"I have an Uncle who's a bit mentally unstable" he answered. "He does yoga, but he works for a record company, and one of the musical groups they represent is called 'Neutral Milk Hotel'."
"You got me Jeff Mangum's autograph?" April asked as her face lit up. "Wait, how did you even know I like Neutral Milk Hotel?"
"Andrew came in here once and droned on for an hour about an argument you two had about them" he explained. "I was going to give it to you at the office Christmas party, but since you won't be here-"
"Thank you" she interrupted. "Seriously Ron, this is awesome."
"Goodbye April" he said as he placed his hand on her arm.
"Goodbye" she responded as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. Ron was surprised by April's sudden display of affection, and even more surprised that it didn't bother him. She quickly backed up and nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "So, I guess I'll like see you later or something" she said as she made her way to the door.
"Indeed" Ron replied as he walked back to his chair.
He hated change, and he hated losing the best assistant he'd ever have, but in a way April leaving felt natural. That was the way nature worked. He had taught her everything she needed to know, and now she was going out there on her own. She was the bird leaving the proverbial nest. It actually felt good. Ron picked up his glass and took a victory swig.
If it felt anything like this, maybe this fatherhood thing wouldn't be so bad.
The father/daughter dynamic between Ron and April is one of my favorite things about the show, and I wanted to capture that in this one-shot! Please Review and let me know what you thought, I love feedback!