I pull the already red knife across my red angry wrist just to release the pain to feel some control to feel safe
A:N/ This is a one shot so just tell me what you think. I have got anonymous reviews on so EVERYONE leave a review don't care if it's an "OMFG this story sux!" Hey I was bored that's why I wrote it.
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I pull the already red knife across my red angry wrist just to release the pain to feel some control, to feel safe. I read in the papers about people who cut themselves, how they died and how they only did it because of the immense pain that they felt after traumatic experiences such as rape and the death of a loved one. Well fuck the papers, they don't know shit all. I do this 'horrible, pain reliving' thing because I fell into a hole years ago, ever since that case I dealt with. I just can't deal with it any more! They don't understand me at all; I look after kids and adults who do this every other day. Somehow that one case got to me, I shouldn't have let that one girl get a hold of my emotions, I shouldn't have let her mean so much to me, even if she was only sixteen with a kid, I shouldn't have been so connected.
At work I hide my scars always wearing a long sleeved uniform, never the short sleeve, not even in summer on the hot days. Gina looks at me like she knows what I'm going through, she tells me to keep my head up and just work my way through the pain one step at a time. If she really knew what was happening then she would have told me to stop it and have sent me to talk to someone. I don't think anyone in the station really knows what I'm going through, except maybe Mickey from CID, he might. I mean after his rape he just closed down, he knows how I feel.
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Beep, beep, beep. It took them too long to figure it out. Now I'm laying here in those bleached white sheets, the smell of disinfectant hits my nose. I hate it here, I feel too weak to even move my arm. The doctor put a plaster on the wounds, like that'll stop me. Now Gina and DI Manson come to see me. I pretend to sleep. I can hear them talking about me, how it's "such a shape I didn't come and talk to them about it, they could have helped me" screw them! They know nothing about me. They leave after a few minutes, they have to go do other things.
When they release me I go straight home to get rid of the pain and regain control, but I can tell Gina's already been there. All of the sharp objects have been removed and placed into a box, a metal box. She locked it. It says so in her note. Bitch. Ahhh, but she hasn't realized that I can still do myself harm. I take off the plasters and scrape my nails down across the angry red welts cause by my cutting. It feels even better then before.
At work Gina keeps an eye on me, she pairs me up with Callum to keep an eye on me out on the beat. It still won't stop me, every chance I get I make the welts worse, they haven't figured it out yet. They think the smiles on my face are from me getting over it, but their wrong, I am in control. That's why I smile.
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A:N/This is a fic about Smithy, it is after episode where Carly dies I think it was Witness: Silent something or rather. It was on Saturday the fifth of July 2008 in Australia.