This is so different from what I normally do but I had to write it down on paper, my boyfriend and I just broke up after two and a half years and this is what I was feeling.

I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTORS!

For the person I watched go from a boy to a man, and the only person who I have ever loved.

To live

My mother had once said to me that to feel is to live, that to be human we had to feel it all, the happiness, the pain, the joy, the despair, the love and the loss.

Suddenly I wished that I was not human.

I had never wanted it to end like this, in fact I had never wanted it to end at all. In my dreams we would stay together forever, get married and have children but some how I did not think that my childhood dreams of the perfect relationship were going to come true just yet. I loved Ron, with probably everything that I was but we both understood that it was not going to work, we were fighting all the time and on occasions it seemed like we could not stand to be in the way room as one another.

The hard thing was that I did not blame him for this one bit because I knew that it had been me that was to blame this time. He had done nothing but love me, look at me with admiration and try to make me a better person but every time he got close, every time that he tried to get some where with me I would push him away and shut myself out from him.

I would lie, cheat and act like I did not care…and I had no idea why.

I was laying on my bed, crying and trying to stop my heart from hurting, something was twisting it, making me bend over in pain, it was like I could not think straight and I could see myself being sick from it. I wanted to run to scream and yell but at the same time I was horribly aware that I could never move from this bed, my mind was screaming to go some where, any where but the pain in my heart was weighting me down.

He had been my boyfriend, me best friend and everything that I ever thought that I would need and now he was gone because I had been stupid enough to walk away and think that I would handle it but it was scarily plain to see that I was falling apart. That if I could do it again that I would get down on my knees and cry, beg for him to stay with me and never let go.

That night I prayed, I was prayed that I would see him again, even if it was with another girl, just so I could see him smile, the smile that I took away from him.

I had loved.

I had lost.

I had lived.

Review please!

Haraldzidla