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OK, so it is almost 5:00 am here and I just got this plot bunny stuck in my head and I had to type it out. Like always, I don't own TF2, Valve does.
Dinner, the one time of the day when you can eat until you explode and no one says a damn thing about it, because they are doing the same thing. As you finish what passes for food, you feel a gurgling in your stomach. This is not your normal fart bubbles, this feels like your intestines are going to rush out your ass at the speed of light.
Abruptly standing up, you knock the chair you were sitting on to the floor, and run to the toilet. Slamming Scout out of the way to the bathroom, you rip your pants off and slam your ass on the shitter. As the first gas explosions escape your ass, you moan in blessed relief. After the farts jet out of there, the first turds plunge into the toilet so hard, you fear that they may break the shitter.
After twenty minutes of grunting, pushing and causing your teammates to run from the base because of the toxic fumes, you wipe your ass (which takes another twenty minutes) and go to flush. As the sound of the rushing water goes to take your shit to the shit graveyard, it stops and makes the dreaded noise that no one wants to ever hear: the shitter is clogged.
In full panic mode, you run to Engie's work shop and despairing look for a plunger. Not finding one, you next run to Medics room and then to Pyro's room. After both of them giving you weird looks (I mean answering the door to Solly standing with his pants and undies around his ankles and demanding the plunger at the top of his lungs is a weird thing to see). Starting to give up hope, you run out the Snipers van. After tripping into the hot sandy ground and getting sand in your butt- crack, you finally make it to the van.
Standing at the door, you raise your hand to pound the door, when you hear to very manly men's voices moaning and groaning. "Oh yes, Sniper plow me like a field." "Yes... Yes... Yes... My french puff pastry...". At that point you just slowly back away from the van and go back to the base.
Walking back to the cess pit of despair with tears in your eyes and your pants still around your ankles, you encounter both Demo and Heavy playing checkers. "Aye, what are ye doin' with your hooded bandit all floppin' aboot mate?" Demo drunkenly slurred. All the while Heavy did not even want to know. "The shitter could not handle all-American shit" you shouted. Rolling his eye, Demo got up and got the plunger out of the storage closet (that was, by the way, beside the bathroom. I mean, like two steps away. You could actually see it from the bathroom door) and handed it to the Soldier and went back to his game.
Standing above the toilet with an insane gleam in your eye, you plunge the plunger in the toilet, with all the force of a million bald eagles. Sadly, you over estimated how much force was needed and broke the damn shitter. At this point, you give up, pull up your pants and go to the shooting range. Leaving the broken toilet, used toilet paper and shit water for someone else to deal with.