One Winged Angel Institute
Warning : Contains insanity, AU, Madness, Chaos, and Sephiroth-bashing. Oh yeah, and Sephiroth Fans-bashing too… Mid spoilers for FFVII, evidently, if you don't know who Seph is. Then why the hell are you reading this ?
Disclaimer : Don't own.
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"Estuans Interius Ia Vehementi
Estuans Interius Ia Vehementi
Sephiroth !"
Grandmaster Clare sighed as the music filled his private office. The Founder of the One-Winged Angel Institute – a secret organization dedicaced to every aspect of Sephiroth – took his cellphone and answered. It has been decided for every member of the Institute to have One-Winged Angel as a ringtone, which was quite confusing for the poor members – who never knew which cellphone was ringing.
"Grandmaster Clare speaking. What is it yet again ?!"
"Great Priest Gabriel speaking here. We have problems with those fools from the Artistic Department. Please come to the Meeting room, Grandmaster."
Clare sighed again, as he put his leather Sephiroth Cosplay. These were forbidden for lower-ranked member, only the highest administrators could wear it without it being sacrilegious. Then again, it was the Religious Department – the Church of Jenova – that caused problems with its multiple taboos and precepts. Another sigh and Clare went to the meeting room.
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On the left side of the Meeting room, there was a boy – around seventeen years old, which was quite old compared to the members' average age. He wore glasses, and a long, black robe that looked like a giant bed sheet. He supported multiple pieces of jewellery, mostly silver. They included (but were not limited to) a meteor-shaped pendant, a ring engraved with a giant "S", and a bracelet that read in small characters "Ille Iterum Veniet". The boy himself looked furious, and he was glaring at a person on the other side of the meeting table.
This person was a girl – just fourteen years old. She was the kind of people you'd expect to find in a lunatic asylum : very messy hair, hysteric eyes, clothes covered with various colors of paint. In her left hand, there was a sheet of paper, and in the other hand, a pencil with which she was frenetically sketching on the sheet.
When Clare entered the room, he only heard the end of a furious sentence from the strange-looking boy :
"…our Lord above All, Sephiroth, naked ! Blasphemy and sacrilege !"
Clare stared at the scene for a moment. He blinked – once, twice – and noticed an even stranger detail : a pencil was stuck in the wood of the table, a few inches from the boy's hand – and it looked exactly like the girl's pencil. The Grandmaster blinked a third time, just to assure himself that he wasn't dreaming.
The boy turned himself to face Clare – and he calmed himself down as he smiled.
"Grandmaster Clare – here you are. Praise be to Sephiroth !"
"Of course. Why did you call me again, Gabriel ?"
The Church of Jenova's High Priest opened his mouth; only to be interrupted by the girl who screamed abruptly :
"This thing – this pathetic excuse for a priest – wants to prevent some of our members from drawing and painting Great Lord Sephiroth ! Oh, and by the way- praise be to Sephiroth, Grandmaster."
"Is that the truth ? And what ab…" Clare said, only to be interrupted by the Priest, whose eyes sparkled with religious fervor…
"She wants – yes, she wants to allow herself and her department to represent Our Lord naked, sometimes in embarrassing positions – with various people, ranging from the artists themselves to the Devil – Cloud himself !" And at the mention of the Devil's name, he shuddered.
Clare facepalmed himself. Here it was again. For some reason he couldn't understand, the Artistic and Religious department never got along well. Between the religious fanatics and the rabid fangirls, there was always a war. This time, however, it was much more important – the Administrators of the departments themselves were involved.
"That's perfectly justified !" The Administrator of the Artistic department screamed. Suddently, she throwed her pencil which embedded itself in the wooden chair on which the Priest stood. "His body is so perfect it deserves to be represented !" she squealed. Calming herself down, she turned herself to face the Grandmaster, who expected the worst. "And when we draw Sephiroth and Cloud together, Sephiroth is the dominant one. That shows the triumph of our god on the Devil, doesn't it, Grandmaster ?"
"Thanks, I really wanted to know that." muttered Clare, who was now ready to cut both admins' head off with his replica of the Masamune – made in Japan, of course. "Just try to find an agreement, okay ? Then…"
"Estuans Interius Ia Vehementi
Estuans Interius Ia Vehementi
Sephiroth !"
At once, all members took their cellphone. They found out quickly that Clare was once again the called one.
"'Sigh' Grandmaster Clare talking. What AGAIN ?"
"Φ = WUγ + RUρ + SuγUρ… Come quickly !"
"What the heck ?"
" RUρ, not RUp, dammit ! Grandmaster… It's fantastic ! We discovered it ! Come !"
Before Clare could say anything, the phone communication ended. "Scientific Department ?" the Priest asked. Clare nodded, mumbling something that sounded like "Insane Asylum" and quickly left.
Of course, when he passed in front of the girls' dormitory, when he saw a giant "OUR VIRGINITY BELONGS TO SEPHIROTH" poster on the wall, it didn't help. Even if he was the founder of the Institute, he could never get used to such weird things.
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Facing the massive "SCIENTIFIC DEPARTMENT" door, Clare hesitated to open it. Indeed, it was risky – previous incidents had proven it. Let's just say that the lab had already been destroyed five times. He opened it and…
…Found himself in front of a giant 2D modelisation of the Solar System. Before he could understand anything, he was pushed aside by a white blur.
"Beware, you almost stepped on Saturn ! How could you do… ? Oh, it's you, Grandmaster. My apologies."
Puzzled, the Grandmaster looked at the young scientist – approximatively ten years, a prodigy – who bowed to him in respect and fear. "What's happening here ?" Clare dared to ask.
"W = -SuγΦ."
"Excuse me ?"
"Oh, I guess our Admin didn't inform you ? That's a fragment of the mathematic formula used by Our Lord Sephiroth to summon the Meteor. We discovered it and…" the scientific hesitated. "And our Admin wants to use it to… to cause a meteor to fall on the Earth."
"WHAT ?!"
"He'll explain it better. Come this way, please, Grandmaster."
Now completely shocked, Clare followed the apprentice scientist. Surely, the Head Scientist and Administrator – "Dr." Isaac – had got many insane ideas in the past. Such as the time when he tried to clone himself. Or the time he went to the girls' dormitory to find "a subject" for his new "Mako" experiment. Or that other time, when he spent three whole days in his office looking at representations of the ADN to find the gene responsible of the "Silver Hair" trait All failures, evidently. But now, he was pushing it a bit too far.
The Administrator of the Scientific Department looked himself like an atrocious experiment : the hybrid of a no-life geek and a mad scientist. His glasses – what remained of them, to be a little more precise – were stained with different chimicals. His labcoat, too large for him, was torn and burnt. He was looking at a complicated mathematical formula, with a perplex expression that reminded Clare of a hippopotamus. Near him, there was a Priest of the Church of Jenova, smilin- Wait, what ? Why would a Priest be there ?
"Yes…" said the Priest. "Soon the wishes of Our Lord will be…"
"Shut up ! Can't you see I'm trying to concentrate ?!" replied Isaac.
"Yes ! Can't you see he's trying to concentrate ?!" chanted all scientists around, with an expression of absolute admiration on their face. This caused both Isaac and Clare to facepalm simultaneously. Only then did the Head Scientist notice Clare's presence.
"Hello, dear Grandmaster. Praise be to Sephiroth !" he said. The priest near him bowed at the mention of the God's name.
"Hello Isaac. What's that story with a Meteor ?"
"Oh, I guess they didn't explain it to you. We found the formula used by Sephiroth to calculate the Meteor's trajectory. Considering that the first line calculates the Sun's attractive force, if the second is the expression of the other planets' attractive force, we can study the third and most important force, the Earth's attractive force. Then there's the last formula, but I don't understand why the area of a circle would help us in that. But if we calculate the impact of those forces on a Meteor, we can predict exactly where and when the Meteor will fall on the earth, given the attractive…"
"Enough scientific blabber !" said a very tired Clare. "What's about making a Meteor fall on the Earth ?"
"Well, that's that if we do calculate those forces and the distance between the nearest asteroids and the other planets, with quite simple calculations considering its diameter and…" Clare glared at him "…we could provoke the Meteor's fall upon us !"
"Okay" said Clare in a dangerously calm voice. "Let's settle things. Why the heck would we need to get a Meteor on the face ?"
The priest answered : "Grandmaster, the wills of Sephiroth shalt be respected. This is the least we can do to thank Him for saving our souls – guiding them to His own." (It was accepted as a dogma that Lord Sephiroth, like He claimed Himself, would merge with the souls of the ones that venerated Him, while the others would endure eternal torment by His hand.) "Only by granting thy Lord's wish can thee hope to ascend to a higher plane of existence !"
"…" was all that Clare could answer. This extremist priest – which was quite proud of his speech and smiled as if Sephiroth had visited him – bugged him to death. He sought only an excuse to get away from there… Escape this madness…
"Estuans Interius Ia Vehementi
Estuans Interius Ia Vehementi
Sephiroth !"
"Not my cellphone, mine has the Advent version. You know, the "Noli Manere in Memoria" song ?" explained Isaac. The priest near him jumped on him. "You mean," he said, eyes shining with anger, "that you use a ringtone that hasn't been approved by the Church of Jenova ! You heretic !"
"Get off me ! I haven't done anything wrong !" screamed the poor Admin.
"Yes ! Get off him ! He hasn't done anything wrong !" chanted all other scientists, looking at the fight, captivated.
Clare ran away and shut the door close. He had almost lost the remains of his deficient mental sanity in there. His cellphone was still ringing, getting at the "Ne me mori facias" part.
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"Grandmaster Clare speaking… 'sigh' what is the problem ?" Not even able to be angry anymore, Clare answered with a monotone voice.
"…Master… My life… ends here…"
Would he ignore who was talking, Clare would had thought it was a joke. But the Administrator Gabriel was the most serious person in the organization – and he was the one who was calling ! "What do you mean ?!"
"…Stabbed… to death… by multiple pencils…"
"… … …" Clare stared dumbfounded at the cellphone, trying to find some common sense in the statement.
"…Master…" The voice continued, as Clare was too shocked to reply.
"…Do you think… I will be considered by Him… as a martyr ?" the weakening voice asked.
The cellphone was violently thrown to the floor, where he broke into multiple pieces. Clare slammed open the door of the "SCIENTIFIC DEPARTMENT" and shouted : "Whoever listens to me in this goddamn world, please go to the meeting room and heal the wounded person that lies here. If he dies, go give him an appropriate burial in the name of Sephiroth. And call the Fangirl Controlling Squad, we have an issue…" Then, Clare did the only sane thing he could do at this point – run away from all of this madness.
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The End – maybe I'll add some other chapters.
Some details about the story :
*Created when I explained the basics of FFVII to a friend. Told him that "Sephiroth has attracted countless fans that venerate him. Heck, he has so many fans tthey could take over the world in his name and they don't do anything except drawing him !" and the idea randomly popped out. The Sephyist movement also inspired me. No offence, Sephyists.
*Clare is the founder of the One Winged Angel Institute, but he himself is not a die-hard Sephiroth Fan. Instead, he founded it as a pretext to have an organization at his disposal. He suffers badly from delusions of grandeur, but excluding that, he's the sanest person in the institute.
*The main departments are Scientific, Religious, Artistic, Economic and Virtual. The first three had been already presented, while Economic takes care of the Institute's economy and Virtual specializes itself in crafting video games.
*The Fangirl Controlling Squad is a special commando created to prevent fangirlism-issues, which is necessary in a Sephiroth-worshipping organization.
Liked it ? So review if you want to.