I've decided to continue with this story! I've just made a few minor changes to the first chapter and added a second. I hope you enjoy it - I think I'm going to have to try a happier piece after I finish this one.

So the basic idea is just a few short scenes on the moments in between the major missions in the game. I was to explore how Shepard would really deal with losing Thane. Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

'I hold on because I won't let go

Even though I know there's solitude below
I hold on because I can't let go
I refuse to let the hands of fate unfold
I hold on'

I Hold On – Slash

Disorientation. That was the main sensation that Thane experienced as he struggled to figure out where he was. All he could see in every direction was a certain blankness that was hard to describe, yet nevertheless unsettling. Unable to use the senses he had relied on for so long to gain his bearings, Thane turned to his memories to try and figure out what was happening.

His memories felt shattered and patchy. He remembered the flash of light on a sword moments before it buried itself in his chest; ragged breaths as he struggled to find air; a perfect prayer said in harmony by the two people he loved most; a feeling of extreme pride in his son and … the sounds of his last breath as it escaped his broken body.

He was dead, then. His life was over – a fact that he regarded with both relief and sorrow. He had long accepted that he was going to die, yet regret that he had left her behind filled him. How could he leave her alone in a world on the brink of destruction? How could he be so selfish as to let her love him when he had so little time left? These were questions that had plagued him for months but had never been so relevant now that he had finally, permanently left her.

As a counterpoint to his sorrow, a sound began to tease the edge of his hearing. How odd to be hearing something, in this unpainted afterlife. Thane cocked his head to the side in an attempt to identify the sound. Slowly, he realised that it was a quiet keening. An all too familiar sound filled to the brim with heartbreak and voiced unmistakably by Shepard.

He had never heard her cry before. How strange that he should hear such a haunting sound when he was meant to be at rest. Still, it was in his nature to try to protect those he loved and he frantically began to look for her. Slowly but surely, his empty afterlife began to take form. It seemed as if a lazy hand had begun to paint the details of his world and he realised where he was.

The first thing he observed was his own body, lying still and lifeless in the metal confines of a hospital bed. He looked at it with a strange objectivity – physical form mattered little to the dead. What really mattered to him was the disarray of vibrant red hair that contrasted greatly with the green of an arm. It was a sight that had once filled him with wonder, yet now filled him with pain. He had never seen Jane Shepard lose control, yet here she was, sobbing brokenly over the body of her lover. It was excruciating to see.

Kolyat stood at her back, hesitantly patting her shoulder, as he awkwardly tried to console her. His face was filled with a confusing clash of emotion. Even as tears rolled steadily down his face, he looked as if he wasn't sure whether to mourn his absent father or not. Another cause for regret, Thane thought.

The scene continued and Thane wondered why he was seeing this. He had expected his afterlife to be… different. He wasn't sure what he had expected, however it was definitely not this heartbroken scene of loss. Yet, there was nothing to do but watch.

Jane slowly pulled herself upright and took several deep breaths to calm herself. Her face was red and messy with tears but she seemed not to realise as she quickly turned and all but raced out of the room. Kolyat watched, shocked by her abrupt behaviour but said nothing. Grief was all too familiar to him.

Thane experienced a strange pulling sensation as he observed Jane depart. Almost a compulsion to follow her…

Realisation struck him. So this was to be his next mission, to look after Shepard in what could be the final moments of her life. He was unsure whether it was punishment for his sins or a reward for his attempt to make the galaxy a better place. Regardless, he was content with his fate and he had the notion that soon, perhaps, she would be with him again.