Hey howdy hey! Welcome to my next fanfic, Stupid Courage! Lousy title, I know, but I couldn't come up with anything better (titles aren't my strong suit), and it was either this, which became a sort of unintentional theme in this fic, or "A Link to the Future!", which is just... even more lame (and I can say that because technically it was one of my brother's ideas that he came up with during one of our usual, lame, random, goofy conversations... he also discussed the idea that Epona could be a motorcycle. Now you know what I have to live with).
Now I know at the end of my last fic (The Imprisoning War) I said I was going to do more comedy/parody stuff, but then I got this idea, and it kept bothering me day and night that I had to write it first! I hope you enjoy, I am very very excited about this fic and I hope you like it! As always, any comments, critiques, and thoughts that you have about it are welcome, I love any kind of feedback so don't be shy!

Just to clarify a few things: this takes place after Spirit Tracks (much much later, but that'll become clear in a bit). There will be futuristic type technology in this fic, so if you feel that that doesn't belong in the Zelda universe then I'd advise you not to read this because you probably won't like it much.

Also if you're confused about anything feel free to ask me about it; I promise I'll answer any questions you have if they won't be answered in the fic... if they will be then you'll just have to wait like everyone else :-D

There will be SPOILERS! for Wind Waker, Phantom Hourglass, Spirit Tracks, and Ocarina of Time.

WARNING!: This fic is rated M for mild curse words and some rough patches that I put the main characters through. Originally I planned to make it T, and I'd probably be safe keeping it at T, but I'm a worrier and it does get rather dark (in my opinion) later on so I decided to go with M just to be safe. If you are offended by the curse word that starts with an h, and another that starts with a d, then don't read (and if you don't know what words I'm talking about you probably shouldn't be reading this either...). Also, there are some suggestions of torture later on in this fic. Nothing graphic, and barely any descriptions are given, but I don't want anyone freaking out on me, and I don't want to upset anyone, so I'm warning you now. There is also a lot of fighting with guns, and explosions (as in buildings being blown up). If you're easily upset by these things, don't read, please! I really don't want to upset anyone, and I know such things can trigger depression/other problems in certain people, which is why I'm writing such a long warning.

Disclaimer: I don't own TLoZ or any of its characters, but if I did Link would have a rocket launcher. Or his horse would. Somebody would have a rocket launcher!

Stupid Courage

Prologue

Arlene leaned back against the wooden wall behind her. Her small, thin arms crossed over her chest, and she peered out of the window, a small pout growing along her young face the longer she looked out. All that met her eyes was blue. Blue was everywhere. Blue ocean, blue sky, even blue fish that leaped from the waves playfully. It had been blue yesterday, and the day before, and it would still be blue tomorrow, and she was tired of it. She missed the green grass that surrounded her real home, and the browns of the trees, and grey of her best friend's cat. She missed any color that wasn't blue.

As if sensing the hate that Arlene was thinking towards it, the ocean replied back by spraying a thin mist of water through the window, hitting the young girl in the face. With a surprised squeal, Arlene pulled away from the window, wiping at her face with her shirt's sleeve as she did so.

"There you are!" a cheerful, familiar voice made her turn. There, poking his head into her quarters, was her older brother. "I've been looking for you everywhere! Why are you hiding down here? It's such a nice day outside!"

Arlene scowled at him as she walked across the room and plopped down on her narrow hammock. Swinging absentmindedly, the young girl gave a forlorn sigh. "I want to go home. We've been sailing around for almost a year now. We're never gonna find it!"

Her brother took a few steps closer. There was a twinkle of amusement in his dark eyes, though why that was there Arlene had no idea. "You sure about that?"

Arlene rolled her eyes; sometimes her brother could be a real idiot. "Yes, I'm positive. If we haven't found it now we never will. It's not even real! Why is Mom and Dad wasting their time with this?"

Her brother shrugged. "I don't know."

Arlene narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. There had been something odd in his voice. "What do you want, anyway?"

"What?" her brother asked in an innocent tone.

"Why were you looking for me?" Arlene asked impatiently.

"Oh, I don't know... there was something I was supposed to let you know, but..."

Arlene gave an annoyed growl when he drifted off and didn't continue.

Her brother laughed. "Alright, alright, calm down! Mom wanted me to let you know we found a landmark."

Arlene blinked. "A landmark?" Then realization dawned on her. "A landmark!? You idiot, why didn't you tell me right away!"

"Hey," her brother said defensively as he raised his hands in front of him. "You're the one who was so sure we wouldn't ever find anything. I didn't want to disappoint you."

Arlene scrambled off of her hammock. "Linebeck the twenty-second, just shut up and get out of my way!"

Soon the two siblings were racing each other up towards the main deck of their parent's ship. Above them large sails flapped casually in the winds, and a cloud of dark smoke rose towards the sky from a large chimney-like device that rested on the very center of the deck. Skirting around the cylindrical funnel, Arlene spotted her father in a conversation with some of the crew; they were huddled over the wheel and discussing something about the charts that lay around them. Her mother, however, was separated from the group and leaning over the starboard side's railing, peering through a small spyglass at something only she could see.

"What did you find?" Arlene asked breathlessly as she and her brother joined the older woman.

Arlene's mother pulled away from the spyglass reluctantly and handed it to her daughter. "Take a look for yourself. Straight that way." Placing one hand on Arlene's shoulder, the older woman used her free hand to direct Arlene's gaze as the young girl peered eagerly through the eyepiece. "You see it?" the excitement could barely be contained in the woman's voice as she waited for Arlene to spot what had the rest of the ship in such an animated state.

Arlene squinted through the bright sunlight and then finally found it. It was small, barely visible in the distance, and Arlene was surprised anyone had noticed it at all. Just above the waves, and every so often disappearing underneath them, was what looked like an old piece of pitch black stone. It stood out against the blue, forcing Arlene's color depraved mind to wonder at it far longer than any sane person should.

"That's it, right?" the voice of her brother pulled her from her awe. "It's a piece of the tower?"

She could feel the excitement coming off of her mother in waves as she answered. "It may very well be. We've looked at the charts, and from what I can tell it's in the general place that all the myths say it should be. North of the forest, south of the volcano, and somewhere between the old statues."

Arlene finally pulled away from the spyglass and handed it to her brother, who quickly peered through it with a large grin plastered on his face. "But we never found any statues," she protested.

Linebeck gave a weary sigh. "Come on, Arly, don't be such a spoilsport."

"I'm just saying," Arlene complained, crossing her arms and glaring at her brother's back.

"But," Arlene's mother began patiently. "We did find some remnants of one. Granted, we should've had three to help triangulate the point better, but we still found at least one."

"So..." Arlene started. "Are we going to check it out? Today?"

The deep voice of her father answered her question as the burly man joined his family. "We'll arrive there just before night fall. We can do some preliminary examinations of the area, just to make sure it's not a small piece of it that broke off."

Arlene's shoulders slumped. "What if it is?"

Linebeck closed the spyglass and handed it back to his mother. "Then at least we know we're close! Right, Dad?"

"Well, we'll see. If it is just a piece we'll need to start charting out the currents in this area, and..."

Arlene let her father's low voice turn into a hum in the back of her mind as she buried herself in her own thoughts. They had found pieces of old stone floating around in the ocean before. All that had meant was spending weeks sailing around in larger and larger circles to explore the currents, and then finding out the stone could have come from anywhere. She sighed and peered out towards their destination. Was it really it this time? Would they finally find it?

Her parents were ridiculed by the other archaeologists back at New Hyrule Kingdom for even planning this trip. The tower wasn't real, after all, none of it was. It was just a story to make kids want to be like the legendary - but still fictional - Hero of Winds. Even Arlene had wanted to be like the noble hero when she had been younger; she had cut out a green tunic out of her mother's curtains for herself and everything. But now she was older, and now that she was nine years old she considered herself to be smart enough to know that myths were just that: myths. Why her parents were wasting all their time trying to find something no one else believed in was beyond her.

But... maybe. Maybe this was really it. Arlene tried to quench the flitter of excitement that was rising in her chest, but it refused to go away. As the ship drew ever closer to that tiny piece of black stone on the horizon, and the rest of her family chatted away almost feverishly, Arlene let a smile grow on her face. Maybe it really was real, and then her parents would prove the rest of the world wrong. Wouldn't that be something?

They were anchored quite a long distance from the stone. They didn't want the large ship to scrape against it and break anything, after all. Now the small family of four was on a smaller boat, powered only be a small engine that had them crawling towards the rock at a painfully slow rate. Finally they reached it. Arlene could have touched it if she wanted to, but she had been on enough of her parent's expeditions to know that was a bad thing.

"The oils on your fingers could damage something, Arly! Don't touch!"

Arlene rolled her eyes at the familiar memory before bringing her attention to the present. Her father and mother were already suited with the gear they needed: flippers to help them swim, underwater breathing apparatuses, and small, easily portable boxes of archaeological tools. Arlene knew that she and brother had to just watch this part, to make sure their small boat didn't drift off on them, but it was still frustrating to watch the adults get to have all the fun.

"Don't look so mad, Arly," her father said cheerfully as he sat on the edge of the boat and dipped his feet into the warm ocean water. "If this turns out to be the place, we'll all get to go down!"

"Promise?" Arlene asked. She had asked this several times already, but she still liked to make sure.

The man nodded. "The goddesses strike me down if I don't!"

Arlene giggled, and then her father and mother were off of the boat, swimming towards the rock.

"Can you see?" Arlene asked anxiously of her brother as she tried to get a better look at the rock.

"Not really, it's too dark," Linebeck answered.

"It doesn't look like it's moving," Arlene whispered, as if afraid that if she spoke any louder the volume of her voice would be enough to shake the rock free of whatever was holding it in place. "Maybe it really is part of a pillar!"

"Maybe," Linebeck answered, just as quietly.

Their parents were soon diving down, and eventually they were completely out of sight as they dove deeper into the dark depths below.

It was what they were looking for. Arlene's parents had returned to the boat just a few minutes later, expressions on their faces the likes of which Arlene had never seen before.

"It's a pillar all right!" her mother had said.

"How far down does it go?" Arlene asked as she helped her parents climb back aboard.

"Down!" Arlene's father answered. "Very far down! We went as far as we could before it got too dark, and it goes... down!"

Arlene and Linebeck grinned at each other. Maybe this really was from the myth.

They were ready now. It was early morning, and already they had loaded their submarine with everything they needed. Arlene had barely slept, and now, finally, they were all seated and buckled in and being dumped into the water by their ship's crew.

The submarine went down, very far down, and eventually Arlene stopped keeping track of how deep they were going. Soon they were so far down the sun didn't even reach them, and they were solely dependent on what little light they had from the submarine's headlights.

"There!" Arlene's father suddenly exclaimed.

There was a mad rush for the front of the boat, and neither adult seemed to care that their children were now unbuckled. Arlene pushed past her brother and peered through the warped window that made up the entire front of the boat.

"It is real," Arlene breathed in amazement.

A black tower rose before them, partially hidden by old rocks and steep hills that were once mountains. Sea grass waved at them as they drew closer to the tower. It had a flat roof, just like the myths described. The myths of where the Hero of Winds had battled Ganondorf. The tower was crumbling, centuries of erosion had done its damage to the ancient site, but it was still standing, almost as if the spirit of Ganondorf was still there, refusing to be beaten. There was a small lump on the roof as well, which Arlene at first thought was just something that had fallen from one of the nearby mountains, but as they drew closer she saw it take the form of a person.

"Look at that!" Arlene shouted, pointing at it.

"Could it be...?" Linebeck whispered.

Their father pointed the boat's light onto the lumpy figure and everyone inside gasped audibly. It was a statue. A statue of a very large man in a long robe and cloak, resting on his knees, his back arched upwards and his face, though not visible, was pointing upwards towards the surface. His hands clutched what looked like what used to be swords, but the blades were long gone. There was another sword, which looked to be in much better shape, sticking out of the statue's head. It seemed to glow in what little light there was, casting eerie shadows around the statue.

"We have to get that inside," Arlene's father mumbled excitedly. This was what they had been searching for for so long. Now, finally, they would be accepted by their colleagues again.

Very carefully, the older man started to lower the submarine so that the statue was surrounded by the walls of the boat's second compartment. It had been made for just this sort of task: underwater archaeology. They would close off a section that they wanted to explore, and then the submarine was capable of pushing most of the water out of the compartment so they could walk around and stay mostly dry.

All the same, as soon as the compartment was cleared for entry, the family pulled on thick boots before entering. The floor had a few inches of sea water still swirling about on it, and a few small fish scattered around every time anyone took a step. But Arlene didn't even notice the fish, even though they were a different color other than blue. Her eyes, just like the rest of her family, was on the statue.

"Look at that sword!" Linebeck said with awe as he took another step closer.

"Don't touch anything," their father reminded them. "Let's get pictures of this first!"

"Goddesses," their mother breathed. "Just look at its condition. The stone looks just as old as the tower, so it must have been built around the same time, but it is perfect. Not even a single barnacle stuck to it! And just look at the detail!"

A shiver ran through Arlene as she watched her parents document the statue's condition. Movement in the corner of her eyes turned her attention away from the statue and towards her brother, who was moving a box closer to the statue.

"What are you doing, Linebeck?" Arlene asked wearily; sometimes she wondered if maybe her parent's had lied to her, and she was actually the elder sibling.

"I just want to see if it's a real sword or not," Linebeck answered matter-of-factly. "It looks real."

Arlene frowned. "You're not supposed to touch it!"

"Blah blah blah, I can't hear you!"

Arlene glanced at her parents. They were at the other side of the statue, and its wide back and flowing cloak was blocking their view of their son. Arlene sighed and turned to watch her brother. She was curious herself.

Linebeck grabbed the hilt with the careful grip of an archaeologist before giving it a gentle tug. The blade slid out easily, screeching against the stone loudly as if protesting being moved. "Whoa!" Linebeck shouted in surprise; he lost his balance and fell back to the floor, nearly impaling himself with the sword as he landed.

"What is going on over here?" the exasperated voice of her mother reached their ears. Their parents came around the statue and then stopped short when they saw their son with the sword in his grasp.

"What are you doing!?" their father shouted. "Do you want to damage priceless artifacts beyond recognition!?"

Arlene shrunk closer to her mother. She had never seen her father this angry before. As her father continued to yell at her brother, the statue gave a sudden sigh. She glanced towards it, and felt her eyes widen. The rock was crumbling away. Bits of color appeared underneath the parts that had already fallen, and even more of it was collapsing at an alarming speed.

Arlene quickly gripped her mother's hand as she watched the statue fall to pieces. It left behind a man. A real man.

"Goddesses," Arlene heard her mother whisper, but she couldn't take her eyes off of what used to be the statue. "Linebeck."

Hearing his name was enough to make the older man stop his scolding. He turned. "What?" he snapped. Then he saw, and he nearly choked the next time he tried to swallow.

The man slowly got to his feet; he moved stiffly, and Arlene was certain that was understandable given he had been stuck as a statue for who knew how many centuries.

The man was even larger standing, and he looked about himself with a curious expression on his face. Finally he noticed the family next to him. A large grin began to spread across his face. Suddenly he burst into laughter; it was loud and deep, and it shook the walls of the submarine. Terrified and barely thinking, Arlene covered her ears and hid behind the box her brother had used to climb the statue just a moment ago.

Then the laugher stopped, leaving their ears ringing with its harsh echoes. "How long?" the man asked. Arlene couldn't see what was going on because of her hiding spot, but her father soon answered.

"Um... do you mean... how long..."

"How long have I been sealed away by the Master Sword!?" the statue man shouted.

"At least... five centuries. Possibly longer..."

The man began to laugh again. "Perfect. That means everyone will have forgotten about me. They will... underestimate me." Another bout of laughter.

"Who are you?" Arlene heard her brother ask. But she didn't need the man to answer. She already knew, and a small part of her horrified brain wondered why her brother didn't. They all knew the stories. She gripped her knees tightly, wanting to cover her ears and not hear the answer when she heard the statue man take in a breath to answer her brother.

"I... am Ganondorf."

Arlene covered her face with her hands, wishing the horrible situation away. They had just proved the rest of the world wrong. Wasn't that something?

If you skipped the super long author's notes at the beginning of this chapter, please go back and read through the warnings that are there. They're easy to find, as the word 'warning' is in all capitals, underlined, and in italics; please please read them if you haven't yet! They're really important, so thanks!

Also, I have most of this already written out (I'm currently working on the last few chapters), so updates should be fairly consistent. I'm hoping to update at least twice a week, however since this is the very beginning I'm going to do three chapters this week, so y'all can decide sooner if you want to keep up with it or if reading this is just a big waste of your time :-D

I'll be posting the next chapter tomorrow, and then the next one a few days later. See you all then, and thanks very much for reading!