'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. The quote came unwelcome into Seiji's mind. He felt a sudden surge of resentment towards that old English poet. How could he say such a thing? Surely he'd never been rejected like this.
"It's Kaoru, isn't it?" Seiji demanded, both impressed and amazed to find his voice come so sharp. Anger burned inside him, and betrayal did not linger very far behind. Tears blurred his vision, distorting Sentaro's face. His breath came short as his body began to shake. But at least his voice was clear. That was something.
Sentaro hesitated for a moment, then shook his head and sighed. "I'm not doin' this 'cuz there's someone else." He sounded so sincere, and Seiji had to believe him. He wished there was someone else. It would have been so simple, and simplicity was always so much easier to deal with
But matters of the heart were never simple.
"I'm doin' this for me. For- for you." Seiji thought Sentaro might say something like that. He took a breath and steeled himself, waiting for the rest of Sentaro's explanation, the explanation he never wanted to hear.
"I don't love you. Not the way you love me. And I-" Sentaro's voice caught, and only then did Seiji realize that this must be hard for him as well. Good. Breaking his heart shouldn't be something that came easy.
"At all? You never loved me?" Seiji hated the desperation in his voice, but he could not hide it, not even if he wanted to, not even if he tried.
"Yes- No. I don't know." Sentaro's hands moved restlessly at his sides, a nervous habit Seji used to find endearing. Still did. Memories of hot, sleepless nights and tangled, sweaty bed sheets came unbidden into his mind.
"I don't know, Seiji," and the sound of his name on Sentaro's lips still sent a thrill up Seiji's spine. "I thought I loved you. I tried." Sentaro said, throwing his hands in the air, expression mirroring the desperation in Seiji's voice. Why did he look so hurt? Seiji was the one who loved a man who didn't love him back.
"But I don't wanna lie to you. I respect you too much for that. So…"
"So we're breaking up." It wasn't a question; merely a simple statement of fact. He no longer had to steel himself against his emotions. The fire he felt was dwindling; the steel forged and hardened.
Sentaro's face broke into an uneasy smile, shoulder's sagging in relief. "Thank you." It seemed like such an odd thing to say, given the circumstances. But Seiji thought he understood.
After all, 'Tis better to have loved and lost…
[And Fruityloo writes more angsty fanfiction. I promise there are happier fics on their way!]