If you were gay
Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were now both thirty year old bachelors sharing a two bedroom apartment on Manhattan's west side.
The unlikely duo had become friends during their final year at Hogwarts after events forced them to put aside six years of hostilities. The pair was no nearly unseperable as friends. It had surprised both the faculty at Hogwarts and their friends.
Harry had decided to get a muggle job as a temp worker at an ad agency that was trying to find ways to market towards the magic world. He was enjoying work in marketing. He was living a very lax life and lived quite the life of a slob.
Draco had a more regular job. He was working on Wall Street as a stock broker. He handled the accounts of wizards who were hoping to hit it big in what had been a bear market.
The two friends were amazingly close, but there was one thing that bothered Harry. The two friends could discuss almost anything and had few secrets. Harry had however discovered that Draco was a closet homosexual. He wasn't so much bothered by the fact that Draco was gay as much as he was that Draco kept this from him. There were supposed to be no secrets from friends.
Harry had thought it over as he rode the subway one day. He had to try to get Malfoy to talk about his feelings. How was he going to do this?
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At the Apartment:
Draco was done with work and decided to settle down on his lounge chair. "Ah an afternoon alone with my favorite book, Broadway Musicals of the 1940s. No roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this?" he asked himself.
Just then Harry barged through the door. "Oh! Hey Draco!"
Malfoy was aggrivated by the disturbance. "Oh hi Harry."
Harry started speaking excitedly, "Hey Draco, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me."
Draco was becoming increasingly aggitated by the disturbance. "That's very interesting."
Harry started to talk again immediately. "He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!" Which would be a shock to many because Harry certainly didn't look like a stereotypical gay man.
Draco sensed this was all a lie by Harry to get to a rather touchy subject he wanted to avoid. He began to talk and his words showed this. "Ahem, so , uh why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care? What did you have for lunch today.
"Oh you don't have to get all defensive about it, Draco..."
"I'm NOT getting defensive!" interrupted Draco, who certainly was being defensive. "What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read." He hoped that last sentence would end it.
Harry didn't let it stop. "Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Draco. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about."
"I don't want to talk about it, Harry! This conversation is over!!!"
"Yeah, but..."
"OVER!!!" Draco yelled.
Harry began singing as the next words came out of his mouth. "Well OK, but you should know – If you were gay, that'd be OK. I mean 'cause hey, I'd like you anyway. Because you see, if it were me, I would be free to say that I was gay, but I'm not gay."
Draco was now in shock. "Harry, please, I'm trying to read."
Harry continued, "if you were queer."
"Ah, Harry!" yelled Draco.
"I'd still be here."
"Harry I'm trying to read this book."
"Year after year."
"HARRY!"
"Because you're dear to me."
"ARGH!"
"And I know that you"
"What?" asked Draco.
"Would accept me too"
"I would?" once again asked Draco.
"If I told you today, 'hey guess what! I'm gay!' But, I'm not gay. I'm happy just being with you."
"high button shoes, Pal Joey..." read Draco aloud as he tried to concentrate on his book.
"So what sould it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?"
"Harry that's gross!" exclaimed Draco.
"No it's not!" responded Harry. "If you were gay, I'd shout HOORAY!"
"I am not listening."
"And here I'd stay."
"la la la la la!" sang Draco trying to drown out the lyrics.
"But I wouldn't get in your way."
"AAAHHHH!" yelled Draco as he covered his ears.
"You can count on me to always be beside you every day, to tell you it's OK, you were just born that way, and as they say it's in your DNA, you're gay!"
"But I'm not gay!!!" shouted Draco.
"If you were gay," Harry corrected himself.
"ARGH!" yelled Draco as the song ended.