The Comfort of Hidden Glances
Summary: And somehow no one connected Draco's abnormal behaviour with Harry's slight chuckling. Though he saw Hermiones smile, and Rons happy gaze at the sound, it was something they hadn't heard in a while. EWE, 8th year, depression, eating disorder
Rating: T. Merely because of the darker genres of this story.
Warnings: slash/yaoi, eating disorders, depression
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling may have written under a pseudonym, but she certainly isn't the one writing this. Meaning, no I do not own these characters nor the books this story is based upon. All rights belong to J.K. Rowling herself.
And last, a huge thank you to my wonderful beta MisaxMisa. You've been a great help.
Chapter one.
Noise filled the dank dungeon of Hogwarts as students were laughing and making their way towards their first class of the 8th semester. Some had eager smiles on their faces, while others appeared to be moping. Harry Potter was, unsurprisingly taking part in the latter. Double potions – first thing Monday morning. Really? Who would ever think that was a good idea?
With his faithful companions at his sides, sharing their usual banter, Harry could not help but sink further into his misery. Why had he thought coming back to Hogwarts for 8th year would be a good idea? He could easily have taken the generous offer from Kingsley to become a junior Auror. It was not like he dreaded the idea. Just a year ago he would have leapt at such an opportunity, but it's amusing how life can twist and turn in ways you don't expect it too.
But no, he knew why he had chosen to come back. To see Hogwarts come back to life, see the anxious first years enter the great-hall in awe. See the happy faces.
When he first arrived at platform 9 ¾ he'd had a sparkling hope those faces would, at least, lessen the effect of his nightmares. "Not really any impressive results with that" he grumbled bitterly under his breath.
And escaping the loneliness of Grimmauld place, which he had so desperately longed for the whole of summer, hadn't been a sparkling success either. Sure Hermione and Ron were keeping him company, but they were usually too engrossed in each other to helpfill that empty hole in his chest. And let's not forget the amount of awkward tension that had formed between him and Ginny. Along with that and her futile attempts at regaining his attention, she was certainly not helping. What they'd had had been nice, and his feelings for her had been genuine, but now? No. He let out another agonising sigh.
"Hey mate, what's with all the sighs?" Ron asked, though he didn't take his eyes of his girlfriend more than a few seconds.
"Did you have trouble sleeping last night?" Hermione asked, actually shifting her attention to him. "I keep telling you to ask Madam Pomfrey for some potions for it, it's horrible for your health!"
"I'm fine guys, you don't have to worry." A lie. "I slept great last night" Yet another lie, but he doesn't try to hide it. The dark circles under his eyes gave him away before he even opened his mouth. They didn't object either, silently exchanging a worried look instead. "I'm just so overly excited for potions that I can't hold the sounds of contentment in," Harry continues. That earns him a snort and snigger from Ron and a bemused look from Hermione. Their friendly gazes and the unsaid words behind them does make the pain in his chest lessen for one tiny moment.
"Well that's reasonable, it is potions after all" Ron answers, breaking the serious underline of the conversation, before turning to address his girlfriend once more. "Now, you said something about some book you wanted for-"
"Ron! It's not just some book, it's the-"
And so, Harry tuned out from their bickering.
His last statement had been a lie, something he's made clear with his sarcasm. Not only was it potions, but the different smells and aromas would un-doubtfully remind him of their previous stoic potions master. And he wasn't craving for that memory to arise.
The thought of the Slytherin git (though the man was still quite the git in his eyes, he felt a stab of guilt at addressing the man who'd loved his mother like that)brought his attention to something, or rather someone, that had been plaguing his thoughts since he boarded the Hogwarts Express.
Draco Malfoy.
Call it a habit if you'd like, but Harry hadn't failed to notice Draco's – wait, what!? Draco's? Okay, okay, backtracking! He hadn't failed to notice Malfoy's absence on the train, in the carriages or at the opening feast. In fact, Harry hadn't seen that head of blond hair since the war. That thought made Harry frown. Was that true? Had he really not seen Malfoy since then?
His hands had taken to cracking his fingers, a bad habit he had picked up. His joints let out several stratifying cracks, loud enough to distract his train of thought. He shouldn't direct his thoughts towards the war again, it had already kept him from getting precious hours of sleep.
The calling of his name brought his thinking to a sudden stop. When he focused on his surroundings again, he faltered in his steps, noticing his friends had stopped walking, and stood a little waybehind him with a group of amused Gryffindors by the classroom door. Blushing, he turned on his heel and staggered back, ignoring the sniggering Slytherins he had, unconsciously, headed towards.
The hall was filled, as both 7th and 8th years, had potions together. Sparing the snakes a second glance, he noticed Malfoy still wasn't among them. Where was that bloody git? His missing presence somehow kept him on edge. He wasn't worried, but rather…., curious and, irritated. Yes, that's it.
"A little dreamy today, aren't you Harry?" Seamus grinned as Harry stopped next to him, referring back to this morning's breakfast. Harry had spilled his pumpkin juice all over his roommates' plates, spread mayonnaise instead of butter on his pancakes and stumbled on his way out of the Great Hall. With a deepening blush Harry avoided his gaze, muttering something that sounded like a meek 'shut up'.
"Harry, is there something wrong?" Ginny said, striding up to him, putting a hand with pink nail polish on his shoulder, and standing too close for comfort. Harry, panicking, felt an extreme sense of relief when Steelia, one of the more popular 7th year girls, spoke up.
"Hey look, there's light coming from under the door." Several of the students frowned.
"There's no windows in there right? I mean, we're in the dungeons." Her friend, Nina, continued, getting several nods of agreement in response.
"Jeez, you Gryffindors with your dramatic tendencies. There are plenty of candles in there you know." A passing Slytherin snorted.
"Really? I couldn't have guessed! And for you to know? You who are all dark and afraid of the light" Dean retorted in a teasing tone, several of the Gryffindors laughing with him. Though, before the fuming Slytherin could shoot back another insult, Harry stepped towards the door.
What are you doing?! No, stop that! Slughorn isn't here, you know the door is locked! But despite him telling his brain the facts, something kept him moving. What? Why? He had no idea, though, later he figured it was simply nothing more than a gut-feeling. And that had served him well most times before. Not with Sirius, his mind reminded him – making his stomach clench unpleasantly.
But so, he ignores his housemates' questions and pulls down the door handle. For a second he feared this would only cause Seamus to witness yet another situation to tease him with, but then the door swung open.
He barely noticed the gasps of the students behind him as he peeked in the door. It was, indeed, candlelit.
At first his eyes didn't catch anything abnormal, and it made him wonder exactly what he was expecting. But then his breathing hitched and all thoughts left him. How had he managed to not to notice him? Draco Malfoy, seated perfectly calm at the first row, entirely to the left. Still as a statue, but still oh-so much there. Alive and breathing, playing as superior as always, and Harry felt relieved. Unconsciously, he smiled.
Thank you for reading. This story will be 5 chapters long, and they're all written and complete and will be posted over the following weeks.
Please, please tell me your opinion on this. I'm inexperienced and a beginner and I would love to know of ways to improve my stories.