I had to write this for a class and...well it just had to be posted.
"The Night Before Christmas" Futurama style
The night before X-mas, when all through the jail
Not a prisoner was clanging,--not even a loose nail
The stockings weren't hung on the bars with care,
In hopes that St. Nicolas soon wouldn't be there.
The inmates were nestled all cold in their beds,
While visions of knives and hookers danced in their heads;
And the warden in her sweat suit and I in my stripes,
Had just put up our fists for our daily fist fight
When out on the floor there arose such a clatter
I rolled from the floor in fear of what was the matter
Away from the stairs I flew like a flash
Leaned over the rail and threw up the meat mash
The moon on the floor through the bars did shine
And dazzled my eyes for a second or nine
When, what to my fearful eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
With a big metal driver, so coldhearted and quick
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick
More dangerous then lions his courses they came
And he laughed and cackled while they spat out flame
"Now, DASHER! Now, DANCER! Now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On COMET! On CUPID! On DONDER and BLITZEN!
Let's kill the naughty! Let's kill the bad!
Now hurt the people before I get mad!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
When they met with an obstacle, mount to the sky
So up to the house top the devils they flew
With the sleigh full of guns, and St. Nicholas too
And then, with a bang, he burst through the wall
Then prancing and pawing ran through the hall
As I ducked and hid, and was turning around
Down the sleigh, St. Nick came with a bound
He was dressed all in metal from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all shiny, made of steel and soot;
A bundle of guns he had flung on his back
And he looked like a killer just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they glowed so fearful and cold
His cheeks were like pans so heartless and old
His creepy little mouth was drawn up in a scowl
And the laugh of his voice made everyone scream, now
The gun he held tight in his hand
And the smoke it let off as he shot over the land
He had an ugly face and a round belly
That shook, when he launched his missiles like a bowl of stale jelly
He was chubby and plump, a right evil old robot elf
And I peed when I saw him in spite of myself
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I was going to be dead
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And killed all the inmates. Then turned with a jerk
And laying his finger aside of his nose
And giving a nod up from the smoke he rose
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle
But I heard him exclaim, as I hid out of sight
"Grief-filled X-mas to all and to all a dead night."
Well I hope you enjoyed that. It was rather funny to me. See ya