I Won't Forget You
By: Maja
AN: Okay folks! Back by popular demand!
For those of you who have read my other story 'Don't Forget Me', this is the companion piece showing Kagome's POV. For those of you who haven't read it, shame on you! J/K ;D
But really, you should read both of them if you want the whole story. I think the other one comes better first, but if you read both you'll get the whole of the story no matter the order.
This one I'm dedicating to Bill and Tracy, my dear, dear friends who got me started on Inuyasha in the first place with a late night Thanksgiving anime marathon. (Okay, so it was just Cartoon Network's regular Adult Swim. So sue me. I'm a writer. Elaboration is my responsibility. Otherwise things get boring.)
Disclaimer: Alas! Alack! I owneth not the hottie half-dog demon known as Inuyasha! *dramatic sigh as I throweth my hand across my eyes* Not his golden eyes! Not his adorably touchable fuzzy ears! Nay, I own no part of him! But I cannot deny he owns my heart!
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"Kaede?"
The soft voice drew the attention of the elderly woman from where she sat by the fire. She hurried to the side of the young woman stretched out on the futon. The days since Inuyasha had brought Kagome back—covered in blood, pale as a ghost, and dripping wet from the raging thunderstorm outside—had been long ones for the aging priestess, but she had endured them with a patience learned over her fifty-plus years. Now her student was awake again and relief filled Kaede's heart.
"How do you feel, child?" she asked as she checked the bandages across Kagome's stomach. They would need changing in a few hours but they were fine for the moment. As it was the wound was healing nicely, though Kagome would always have a reminder of the final battle for the Sacred Shikon Jewel.
"Um . . ." Kagome took a moment to assess herself before answering. "I'm okay I guess. My head hurts a little and my stomach really hurts, but otherwise . . . I'll live I suppose."
Kaede chuckled softly. "Aye, child. That ye will. With the wounds ye sustained healing so quickly I'll venture to say ye will be up and about in just a day or two."
Kagome pondered that for a moment. As she did so her hand absently stole up to play with the jewel around her neck.
That is, she reached for it only to find it missing.
With a sharp intake of breath she looked down at where the jewel should be and felt around her throat for the necklace it usually hung on.
"Kaede, where did-" She stopped when the older woman reached up to her own neck and lifted the necklace over her head before holding it out for Kagome to take.
"Ye were thrashing rather fiercely these past days and nights. I did not want it to choke ye so I removed it for safekeeping. But it belongs to ye. Fate chose ye to be the guardian and I'll not cross Fate on this."
With the jewel back in her own hands, Kagome relaxed again, twisting it this way and that to study it. She'd been momentarily afraid that Inuyasha had taken advantage of her unconsciousness after the battle or in the time since then. She wondered where the hanyou had disappeared to, but wasn't sure how to ask without making it sound like she cared too much.
After all, she'd gotten the jewel back and the only reason she'd asked for Inuyasha's help in the first place was because he was a better fighter than she was and she never could have taken down those demons herself, let alone defeated Naraku. No, she'd required his help just to stay alive and . . .
She sighed internally. And none of that was true. She'd required his help in the beginning and she knew if he wasn't with her they'd be competing for the jewel.
In those rare moments of introspection when she was honest with herself she had to admit two things: First, if it came down to a fight between her and Inuyasha for control of the whole jewel she'd lose, no contest. Without him on her side she'd never have been able to succeed and if he really wanted to take the jewel now she couldn't stop him. The second thing was a little harder to admit, but she had only been able to justify her thoughts and actions for so long before even she couldn't deny the truth.
Somewhere along the dusty roads and ringing battles and blood and sweat and tears of the whole search for the jewel shards she'd fallen in love with the brash, arrogant half-dog demon.
That was part of the reason she knew if he tried to take the jewel by force she couldn't stop him. Kikyo had put an arrow through his heart to pin him to a tree in an eternal slumber. But being Kikyo's reincarnation didn't mean that Kagome could do the same.
Even if Inuyasha broke her heart and betrayed her trust by taking the Shikon Jewel away from her she couldn't do it.
But the last few days—however many they had been—had been enough time for her to think about things and make a few very hard choices.
She swallowed a sudden lump in her throat as she recalled what she'd decided. There was no time like the present though and she had to do it soon or her resolve would fail and she'd never get it back. She gripped the jewel and took a deep breath.
"Kaede?"
"Yes, child?" The old woman had retreated when Kagome had become lost in thought but returned to her side now.
"I'm going to need your help with something . . ."
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Kaede protested until Kagome made it clear that she wasn't asking permission but informing Kaede of her plans and requesting her help. With a sigh Kaede reluctantly agreed to do her part, but only because she knew Kagome would do what she wanted with or without her help.
First Kagome needed her backpack so she could get out some paper and a pen. The first hour and a half was spent writing letters to Miroku, Sango, Kouga, and Shippou. Those were the easy ones. She'd miss each of them and said so in her letters along with a personal note to each.
Then came the hard part: Inuyasha's letter.
It took her most of the afternoon to write the single page's worth of neat lines, her pen tapping thoughtfully whenever she paused to consider how best to phrase her words. Eventually she was satisfied and she read it through one more time to make sure.
She wiped the tears from her eyes that writing the words had prompted and sealed it in the envelope she'd set aside.
"Kaede?"
The old woman appeared, wiping her hands.
"Aye, child?"
"Can you make sure these letters get to the appropriate people?" She held out the stack with everyone's but Inuyasha's.
"Aye, Kagome, I will."
Kagome hesitated and bit her lip, then held out the last letter. "And this one is for Inuyasha, but . . . Don't give it to him unless he asks, okay?"
Kaede nodded. "Aye."
Kagome blew out a breath and looked down, smoothing her skirt with her hands. "Is Inuyasha nearby?"
"Aye. He's just outside in a tree thinking, I believe."
Kagome nodded and pushed herself to her feet. She wobbled for a second before she managed to lock her knees into a standing position. She probably shouldn't be up just yet, but she had to do this. Slowly, taking support from Kaede and then the door, she made her way outside.
She stopped just a few feet from the door and spotted him.
He was sitting on a low branch, arms crossed over his chest, one leg bent, the other hanging down and swinging absently. His ears twitched back and forth, but he seemed to be lost in thought, his brow furrowed slightly. She watched him for a few moments—partially because he had a nice profile and she never tired of just studying his face—but mostly because she wasn't sure she could step forward without falling and if she showed any major weakness he might stay close by until she was stronger.
Not generally a bad thing, it would, however, complicate her plans.
Finally she felt she could walk the short distance to the base of the tree on her own and she set out, moving slowly, but with determination. She reached the tree and almost dropped then and there. But that wasn't part of her plan so she steeled herself to remain standing and looked up at him.
He must be really deep in thought, she decided, if he hadn't even noticed her yet.
"Inuyasha?" she said, willing her voice not to shake like her arms and legs were.
He looked down and his amber eyes met hers, surprise and concern flickering through them as he looked her over. After a brief second's hesitation from shock he leapt down and stepped to within arm's reach of her.
That was good thing, she decided, since for all her determination not to appear weak she wasn't sure she could stand up much longer. At least he'd be there to catch her though.
"Kagome, you shouldn't be out of bed yet," he scolded, though his gruff tone was clearly laced with concern. "Kaede said-"
"I'll go back in a moment," she said, her voice weak from her efforts to remain standing. "I just needed to talk to you."
He snorted in an attempt to appear tough. "And you couldn't do that lying down? Let's go back." He started to reach for her but she put her hand on his arm causing him to freeze. With an expression reminiscent of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming semi his eyes flicked down to her hand and then back up at her eyes.
She futilely fought the tears that welled up and spilled over and blinked against the sudden tightness in her chest. It was now or never. She had to get through this or she'd never forgive herself.
He interrupted her before she could speak though. "You're not going to cry are you?" he said, still trying to be gruff and uncaring as always, but failing miserably. The thought that he'd changed so much since that first time they met made her smile slightly, tempered slightly by the knowledge of what she was really doing here.
He was uncomfortable with serious discussions—especially emotional ones—she knew and so she sniffed back her tears and took a deep breath. He would be really uncomfortable with tears and it would only make things harder in the long run. She could cry all she wanted later and undoubtedly would do so at the first available opportunity.
But that time wasn't now.
Gathering her resolve around her like a shield she promised, "I'll try not to. And I'll go back in soon." She took a breath to steady her nerves and keep from passing out. She couldn't stand much longer. "But I need to say this."
He grumbled low in his throat and his ears twitched in what she recognized as agitation, but he just said "Will you at least sit?"
She was about to protest when her stomach protested her exerting herself as much as she had with a sharp twinge of her wounds. Reflexively she pressed a hand to the offending injury and nodded.
Maybe she wasn't pulling off this act as well as she thought she was, she admitted grimly to herself as he sat down at the base of the tree. He took a hold of her free hand and his other hand went to her waist to help her ease slowly down. Her right leg, the ankle of which had been twisted slightly in the previous week's attack and was still tender, chose then to give out causing her weight to shift and dropping her in his lap.
She considered moving as her cheeks flushed in embarrassment, but even the thought of an attempt made her muscles protest any more work and she accepted that. Besides, it was nice and warm here and she could smell him so much better with her nose pressed to his chest. And it wasn't likely she would ever get this chance again, she thought with only a shred of guilt. He was frozen as she snuggled in a little closer and she had a brief scare thinking she had been wrong about how he felt about her, but she thought of what he'd said the other day and firmly told herself she hadn't been dreaming and he really had said he loved her.
Her fears were allayed rather swiftly when her wrapped his arms around her and slowly relaxed. She reveled in the feel of this moment, the way he so effectively cocooned her in warmth and safety. She never wanted it to stop, but knew that if she didn't do this quickly she wouldn't be able to stay awake to the end. Her eyes were closed in sweet satisfaction and it was only a matter of time before she slipped back into the oblivion of sleep.
"Thank you," she said softly. She almost chuckled at the way her voice had mellowed and smoothed out, the tremors from before gone.
"For what?" His tone was one of surprise.
She forced her heavy eyelids up and looked up at him from where she'd tucked her head under his chin, right over his heart where it could thump reassuringly in her ear. "You saved my life," she explained simply. "After the battle. I would have died if you hadn't brought me back here."
"So?" he said as he turned his head to regard the sunset, a faint trace of his usual forced apathy in his voice. She recognized it as one of his defense mechanisms, an indication of his growing unease, but ignored it and pressed on.
She couldn't stop the smile that graced her lips at the thought, however. He was looking away, but after a moment he gave up trying to fight it and looked at her, their eyes locking instantly. Neither could look away if they wanted to.
Not that they did want to, of course.
This was where her carefully laid plans went awry as such things are destined to do.
She had been about to continue her practiced speech. The words were sitting right on the tip of her tongue.
But they fell off without being spoken. Her eyes managed to break free after a moment and they dropped straight to his lips. She'd felt the touch of those lips before but never in a real kiss. They'd never before pulled her in like a magnet, her every nerve quivering with the thought of what it would be like to well and truly lose herself in those lips.
But they were now. Slowly, inexorably, they drew her closer, her arms and legs conspiring against her conscious—and hopelessly befuddled—thoughts to push her up until she could close the gap and satisfy her curiosity.
Some minute part of her brain noted with interest that he was also moving closer, but it was quickly silenced. There was no need for analytical contemplation of what his reaction meant at the moment.
That would come later.
Now was simply the time to experience. The whole universe seemed to focus itself in that one moment, all existence waiting with bated breath for their lips to meet.
Then it happened and an electric charge raced through every cell in her body, lighting her nerves on fire as the kiss deepened.
She was now only an observer, unable to control her actions, but not really caring to anyway as she simply enjoyed the ride. Of their own volition, as though they knew exactly what was needed, her hands glided up his arms, racing to meet behind his neck and tangle in his thick silvery mane.
It was just as soft and silky as always and her fingers twined in and around in a way she'd wanted to do for some time.
At the same time she was aware of his own hands tightening his grip on her and pulling her closer, supporting her and surrounding her.
In the midst of all this her conscious mind stubbornly brought to her attention that while this was most enjoyable and definitely worth repeating, she had a task to perform yet. After that it would leave her alone.
She understood at that moment why Inuyasha often growled in frustration and just barely managed to repress the urge to do the same. But the little voice in her head that was her rational side was right.
With great reluctance she pulled her right hand free of his hair and brought it down to grasp the rosary that had encircled his neck almost since the day they'd met. It was a collar no matter how it looked or what you called it, much like the one you would put on a pet dog to keep it on a leash. The leash it was tied to was the subduing spell that Kaede had cast on the rosary.
With a single word Kagome could bring Inuyasha down, stopping him no matter how strong his will to disobey it. Even his full-fledged demon form couldn't resist the strength of her command.
And she'd realized, even before she'd made her decision to go, that he no longer needed it. She had no reason to fear him anymore. He wasn't the same Inuyasha that she'd found pinned to a tree and to leave the rosary on now was an insult of the highest order.
She tugged, trying to pull it off without interrupting the kiss but it didn't work, so she pulled with all her strength and was gratified to feel it snap, the beads popping off and rolling down towards the ground. The force of her efforts pulled her away from Inuyasha, though he, fortunately, caught her before she toppled over backwards.
His eyes had darkened to the color of rich honey and gazed at her with an intensity that sent a delicious shiver racing through her from her head to her toes. Then they mellowed slightly as confusion set in.
She grinned and looked in triumph to her hand where only a few remaining beads were clasped in her fingers. His eyes followed hers, but it took a moment for comprehension to settle in.
Then it did and his eyes widened in surprise as they flicked between her hand and her eyes.
"Kagome?" he started to ask, but she could support herself no longer and allowed her body to drift forward, placing her mouth close enough to kiss him once more.
She wanted to let it continue the way the other had, but her strength left her and she sank down to settle her ear over his heart again, a ghost of a smile resting on her lips as she heard it race along.
He had questions she knew, but she would never be able to stay awake to answer them and she didn't want to be rude so she forestalled them with a request. "I've said what I needed to say. Can we just sit here for a moment now?"
"Yeah. Of course," he said, though his tone of voice suggested he hadn't quite regained coherent thoughts just yet.
She chuckled inside and relaxed completely in his arms, a content sigh escaping her lips as his arms came around her once more. She felt completely safe in his embrace and slipped peacefully into the darkness of sleep knowing he was watching over her.
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Kagome woke early the next morning, feeling infinitely healthier and supremely content and not sure why until she remembered the previous evening. She'd wanted for so long to have a moment just like that and it couldn't have been more what she'd dreamed of if she'd planned it.
Her happiness lasted until she remembered what she had planned for this morning and then it dimmed to a faint glow. It was still there, of course, nothing could completely abolish it, but the thought of leaving made it a bittersweet memory.
As she crawled out of her sleeping bag—he must have carried her back and tucked her in, she thought with a momentary smile—and dressed, she listed again all the reasons why she had to do this.
In the end it all came down to one thing.
She loved him and loving someone meant making sure they were safe and protected no matter the personal cost. It would be selfish to keep him close by when it would undoubtedly only bring more tragedy into his life. Knowing what she did now about the history of the small pink stone had done much to clarify this point for her. The Shikon Jewel was a curse and it wasn't his to bear. It had caused much pain and sorrow and the responsibility, and therefore the pain and sorrow, was hers alone.
But he would never willingly go along with this and so she had to take matters into her own hands. She was returning to the well and, through it, her own time.
Then she would seal the well. She knew she could with the aid of the Shikon Jewel. And she could seal it in such a way that even Inuyasha wouldn't be able to breach it.
Her heart ached at the very thought of leaving and never seeing the warring states era again. She had a lot of friends here and more often than not felt that she belonged here just as much as she belonged there. She would miss them all.
Especially one hardheaded hanyou.
She had to do it though. She could guard the Jewel in her own time, but she refused to let her friends continue to sacrifice their hopes and dreams and eventually lives for her fated task of guardianship.
It was better this way, she reminded herself with a last determined nod of her head.
She'd packed all her stuff while she thought and now she snuck out to the main room after listening carefully for any indication that Inuyasha was around. If he saw her, her plans were all ruined.
Kaede came inside and caused Kagome's heart to momentarily stop in horror, but when she realized it was her co-conspirator she relaxed.
"Is he here?"
"He has been waiting all morning for ye to come out, but something caught his attention and he left suddenly," Kaede said with a shake of her head. "I do not know how long he will be gone, but I don't think ye will have a better chance."
Kagome nodded and followed the old woman outside.
"Are ye sure ye can make it back to the well without help?" Kaede questioned once more as she cast a critical eye over Kagome who nodded.
"I feel much better today," she said as she retrieved her bike from the side of the hut. "I can make it." She propped it on its kickstand and secured her bag to the back before turning around to face Kaede one last time.
She pulled her old mentor into a hug. "Thank you, Kaede. For everything. I couldn't have done it without you."
"Thank ye, Kagome, for giving an old woman some peace before her time ends."
One last squeeze and they parted, Kagome quickly mounting her bike and pushing off. She pedaled swiftly, slowing down only to half turn and wave one last time at Kaede.
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Kagome released the breath she'd been holding and slumped back against her mother. Her eyes drifted shut as she felt a wave of exhaustion swamp her.
After the bike ride back and the walk to the house she'd been dead on her feet already, but she knew she couldn't sleep until she had sealed the well or Inuyasha would discover her missing and come through.
And she hadn't the heart to turn him away in person. It was why she'd written the letter in the first place.
She had almost faltered in her decision to seal the well at all when she had landed here in her own time and thought about how very far away he was. Tears had welled up and it had taken all her willpower to not just return to the warring states era and forget the future.
Eventually she'd forced herself to stand and crawl out of the well, drag herself into the house, and persuade her mother that if she helped Kagome for two minutes, she would do as her mother asked and get to bed.
And now it was done.
She was hardly aware of anything but her mother's soft murmur of reassurance and the slow progress they made towards the house, Kagome relying heavily on her mother's strength.
The tears made it impossible to see and it was only when she was gently lowered to her bed that she realized they were there. Her mother lifted her legs onto the bed and pulled the blankets up over Kagome to the girl's chin. Then a kiss on the forehead, a murmured, "Let me know if you need anything," and her mother left, shutting the door behind her.
It was shortly after that when Kagome's carefully crafted emotional dam burst and she cried herself to sleep.
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I don't know about you guys but, oh my stars, I cried after this one!
*Le sigh!*
Hmm. Well. *wiping at eyes with Kleenex so I can see to type*
How did everyone like it? As I've said before I love reviews and my ego will never object to being shamelessly flattered so go ahead if you feel so inclined. All flames will be accepted as the compliments they really are (It's the thought that counts, right? And anyone who flames obviously *thought* it was important enough to spend time posting a review, however negative it may be.)
If you're interested in hearing more drop me a line and let me know and I'll see what I can cook up.
Peace out,
Maja