Finding Truth
by Jaina-Elessar

Disclaimer: Alright all ready! I don't own Star Wars! Aw, man! Now I'm going to have to go back into remission and everything…

Summary: The 'Vong war ended two weeks ago, and Jaina Solo has said her goodbyes to Jagged Fel. Now it's time for Jaina to learn that brothers can be much more perceptive than they are given credit for, and have the ability to find the deeper reason…

Keywords: Zekk, Jag, love, brothers know best

A/N: Well, here it is, my first one-poster on (And don't forget to review!)

"All my life I've heard a thousand lies.
Seen myself through someone else's eyes.
Remember what you did to me?
For you know I won't forget.
Now you've broken everything.
Is your heart filled with regret?" -Godhead

"Hey Jaya…what are you doing out here?"

The unexpected sound of her brother's concerned voice startled the young woman out of her reverie and she twisted in his direction, tilting her head up at him.

After at least an hour of searching before it had finally occurred to him to reach out with the Force, Jacen Solo had found his twin alone, seated precariously on the railing of a particularly high balcony. She had been out here for hours and hours on end, in fact, just gazing at the stars as they twinkled majestically in the sky, far above her. The end of the Yuuzhan Vong war couldn't have been more than two standard weeks ago. And now, here they were…

A brother and sister, both changed people due to the proceeds of time and hardship. To Jacen, it seemed an eternity had passed since he had last talked to his sister, or much less, had connected with her in any way. She was so…different. It was almost as though he was meeting her for the first time. It was such a strange feeling to know that the sole person he had once known better than anyone else in the universe was now a perfect stranger.

Their days at the Jedi Academy on Yavin 4 with all their friends, Tenel Ka, Lowie, Zekk, Raynar, Lusa were long ago…the memories washed over him, engulfing him in a wave of sadness, and longing. Those days had been etched deep into his heart, and he knew, however much he wanted to deny it, there was never any going back-

"Thinking, I suppose." Jaina's soft reply jerked Jacen from his reverie and he leaned against the railing next to where she sat. Her long, dark hair fell down her back in a thick braid, thin wisps falling from the loose plait to frame her face, the stars reflecting in her dark, liquid eyes. It was the first time Jacen had even seen his sister this close in…years, he assumed.

Briefly, he ran through everything he had heard about his sister from others. Her fall to the dark, taking up apprentice-ship to Kyp Durron, the list went on…but what surprised the brandy-eyed young man most of all, he had to admit, was the young man who had taken such a significant role in his sister's life.

For the longest time, he had never understood why in all the nine Corellian hells, Jagged Fel seemed to be his sister's prime choice. Or why Zekk seemed to have vanished from her memory. For a long time, this had stumped him. But now, he thought he had discovered the answer.

"So…where's Fel, anyway?" He asked, the fact that he hadn't seen the grim pilot in quite some time surfacing in his mind. In fact, the last time he remembered seeing Fel had been back on Zonama Sekot…

Jaina had long since turned her dark eyes back to the sky, scanning the night, as though searching for something within the vast depths of the universe. With a small sigh, she finally responded. "Well, I guess you'll be the first to know. Jag and I are over."

"What? When did that happen?" Jacen asked, surprise overtaking him. He couldn't say he was upset about the break-up, but well…he did feel sympathy for his twin. Fel on the other hand, he could care less about. The pilot had never been of very high-esteem in Jacen's mind…

"It was a few weeks ago, on Zonama Sekot. I didn't even know I was going to end it, but he asked me to go home with him- to Csilla…and I just- did. I just flat out told him that it wasn't the right time."

Jacen took another look at her. She seemed completely calm in confiding this to him. He couldn't tell whether she had simply had enough to time to get over it, or if she had never really cared to begin with. He was saved from forming an intelligent-sounding response a moment later when she began to speak again.

"I think I had finally realized that we weren't really going anywhere. Sure I had liked Jag and-"

"Did you love him?" Jacen asked suddenly, startling both himself and the dark-haired young woman beside him. He hadn't meant to be so blunt, but hey…now that it was out there…

"What?"

"Did you love him?"

There was a long silence then, and Jacen grew a bit nervous, thinking he had said just the absolute wrong thing. With women, you never could tell. But a glance at his sister's face and he saw that she was indeed considering his question. Her eyes held an occupied look, as though she were calculating her response very carefully. It seemed hours later that she answered, her voice kept in a low, soft tone, barely audible even to Jacen's ears.

"You know, I don't know Jace. Sure I dated the guy for a few years, but something always felt…not right."

Jacen had anticipated her answer. Out of brotherly-protectiveness, or perhaps plain old nosiness, Jacen had taken it upon himself to study his sister's life long ago. For his own piece of mind, he wanted to know that she was happy. But alas, he hadn't liked what he found. For some reason, it had seemed that something was always missing in his sister's eyes whenever he saw her with Fel. Perhaps it was just a brother not wanting to believe that his sister was going to be with someone other than their childhood friend, but Jacen –after many roundabout conversations with Zekk (who probably still didn't know what had hit him, poor guy) and analyzing the situation with old friends- had developed a theory. But he wasn't sure if it was a theory he wanted to share with his sister, at least not yet.

"Jay, I think I know what you're going through right now." He found himself saying suddenly. Ah, apparently he was going to share with her. He could've smacked himself over the head with a slab of duracrete, but now that he was into this mess, he might as well go with it. Maybe, just maybe he could provide Jaina with a moment of insight.

Jaina had turned to him now, forgetting the stars for a moment and fixed him with a liquid stare. When she spoke, her words sounded…amused, almost. "Do you, now?"

He simply nodded. Jaina's expression plainly told him to continue, but he needed to gather his thoughts first. With a deep inhalation and a few seconds pause, he went on.

"Yeah. See, you've been…ah…involved in one way or another with both Fel and Durron. I mean, yeah…they're both their own people and everything, but have you noticed the similarities in the situations? They've both got the whole black hair and green eyes thing going, they're both great pilots that could give you a run for your money... I think the plus with Fel was that he was closer to Zekk's age…and without the Force potential."

Jaina cocked an eyebrow at him and snorted. But Jacen saw something flicker in her eyes at the mention of Zekk's name, just for a moment before it vanished again. It had been a flicker of something he couldn't decipher…anger? Confusion? Sadness?

"Exactly. Without Force potential. That way Jag would just be a Zekk look-alike, and his Force presence wouldn't be there constantly reminding you that he's not Zekk."

Jaina's gaze fell downward suddenly, and she seemed to find a sudden interest at watching the occasional hovercar speed across the planet far below her. Her silence and obvious delight in distraction only proved to Jacen that he was getting closer.

"I think." Jaina muttered in a barely audible tone that Jacen had to strain to hear. "That you're crazy."

"Am I?" Jacen retorted, turning and hopping up onto the railing himself, sitting next to her, only facing in the opposite direction. "There's more."

"Alright then, go ahead Mr. Predictions."

"Well, I was going to anyway, but I guess your permission is nice."

There was another pause in which Jaina laughed softly, still not looking at him, another sign that either a) she was a changed person, she had never laughed at his jokes or b) the conversation was getting to her.

"I think that you made a choice based on what other people wanted from you." He said finally, breaking the thick silence that had been tossed over them. Jaina started to look at him again, but seemed to force herself to watch the hovercars go past. "After your return from the dark side, you wanted people to believe you were truly good again."

"And you had two choices. Jag, a responsible military pilot with a perfectly clean record and a clean past, or Zekk…a former 'bad boy' who scavenged the lower levels of Coruscant and had turned to the dark side at some point in his life. I think you went with the safer choice, the one that would redeem you in other people's eyes."

He couldn't see Jaina's face anymore; she had bent her head further down, intent on the hovercars below. A bit too intent, he judged, from the stiff way she held her head.

"Come on, Jay. Admit it…you still have feelings for Zekk, don't you?" He murmured gently, reaching out to her through the Force.

Jaina looked up again, though she still refused to face her brother. Her dark eyes stared out into the black night before her, forgetting the speeding lights of the hovercars as they moved below her.

She sat that way for a long time, considering her brother's question. She had already surprised herself by taking Jacen seriously, but actually coming up with a response for him? Why did she feel the need to do this? She felt as though she owed someone an answer, and at the last moment she figured it might as well be her twin brother.

"Alright, maybe I do…but I wouldn't say its love." She murmured, not noticing the watery blur that overtook her brandy eyes at that moment. She still couldn't say it. She never could, and now was no different.

"Don't lie to me Jaina. Would you call it regret?"

Jaina turned her face away from her brother then then, unable to retain the perfect sabacc face she had always prided herself on, and had relied on for so long.

"Regret for what?" She bit out, blinking a few times. She would not let herself give in to this. She wouldn't.

"Alienating him, leaving him, rejecting him, choosing Jag…" Jacen responded instantly, perfectly aware of the façade his twin was trying to desperately to put up. "Lying to him."

"Lying?" Jaina asked, finally turning to Jacen, her eyebrows knitted together.

"Yes, Jaina. You lied to me, too. Just a few seconds ago."

There was another long pause, the two siblings staring into each others eyes, reading the others' thoughts and connecting with each other as they hadn't done in many, many years. The Force surrounded the two, pulsing as they reached out to one another.

After that moment, Jacen stood with surprising peace of mind and murmured. "I know the truth Jay, do you?"

The sound of his receding footsteps rang in her ears for a long time, torturing her eardrums until they had finally gone beyond all point of hearing.

Once more, Jaina Solo's liquid eyes turned to the stars, tears flowing unheeded down her cheeks. Her brother's words stayed with her, consuming her thoughts. Even if she had wanted to, she couldn't have blocked them out at this point. At long last she had finally found the truth. Her dark orbs flashed quickly from star to star, desperately searching. Finally she spoke, but her voice was barely a whisper, wrought with emotion and her words were lost into the sudden loneliness that surrounded her, threatening to close in.

"Oh, Zekk, I'm so sorry…"