Disclaimer: everybody knows they are not mine, 'cause they belong to each other - erm- to J.K. Rowlings. The plotline is by Calanthe, and this is meant as a tribute
Warnings: poetry, alternating p.o.v.s, lack of periods if at the end of a verse (it's just my style), dark and kinky themes - the boys do a lot of things not easy to stomach (not really graphic, but still...), happy ending nonetheless
Author's note: the longer stanzas alternate between Draco's and Harry's p.o.v. (Draco's ones are in italics), the two-verse underlined ones are intentionally ambiguous and can belong to both. This is darker and kinkier than anything I ever wrote: after reading the Mudhoney trilogy by Calanthe (check it out on LJ, it is powerfully and beautifully written, altough very out of my comfort zone) I could not get it out of my head and had to find a way to digest the whole thing and express how I felt and what I learned, and this came out. I'm not sure it will make much sense if you haven't read her work first. It also took me a long time to decide to share this poem. Even more than usual, reviews are loved.
Paths of Redemption
The journey has been dark, not all darkness is evil
and honey, although tainted, is still sweet
...
Nobody needs a hero nowadays
I survived, with emotions held in check
numbness spreading, swallowing my old self
I can take hardness better than this void
and the games that I play to feel alive
barely bring me release. There's no relief
inside the flesh of strangers. Then your eyes
hit a sparkle. Under disgusting things
coated in mud, uncaring and debased
you taste just like the innocence I've lost
...
I've always been a coward, judge me not
if I'm powerless now. To be appreciated
I did worse things than suffering this ruin
There's never been rebellion in my bones
giving up pride my only revolution
My soul is soiled, corrupted and depraved
what I do to my body matters not
I'm lost in humiliation, sick atonement
for all my faults, and then your tongue's a blade
cutting into my shame. You do not gloat in vain
...
When next we meet, I learn again to trust
you teach me that true strength lies in surrender
...
First time I am in charge of what I choose
is when fire starts burning in your eyes
and I'm allowed to see what hides beneath
you cold façade, your eagerness to feel
so I flood you with sensations, split you wide
shattering your illusion of detachment
and I fill up your emptiness, so deep
that something has to spill. This is your thaw
and the greatest of triumphs, when I see
that everywhere I touch, you flare to life
...
Wash my weaknesses, watch me at my worst
stroke my walls, use my body as a glove
So we sink into depths previously unreached
bonded by means of bondage, till your fist
clenches around my heart, muscles and nerves
completely at your mercy, with the faith
that every need I feel, no matter how unclean
how filthy, guilty, scary, gory or gross
you will accept as natural and pure
and meeting it will be your utmost joy
...
Hope is dangerous, so much more than despair
you taste it once, and you'll forever crave
...
Then we part, and it feels like phantom limbs
awakened, tingling, hurting, forcing me
to think I'd better cut them out again
for I can't stand this hollowness, not now
I'm lower than the centre of the Earth
as I lay limp. I'm anybody's toy
a broken doll, discarded and abused
at last disarmed to fight, when I choose life
and there you are, saving my soul again
with promises unspoken, unrevealed
...
When I stumble on you, I'm not surprised
to find you in this unconsciousness, but still
is your vocation being the whipping boy?
The scapegoat for the madmen of this world?
The puppet of a prophecy no more
stop acting like the willing sacrifice
I cannot suffer your disintegration
unless it's by my hand, maybe not even then
Quit this game, it is dangerous and fool
It's violence you need? Come play with me
...
I am a twisted, broken, damaged boy
are you my peace, the one who can complete me?
...
Scars and bruises inside cannot be seen
bring them out, make them visible, they'll heal
under your careful treatment. Taste my blood
draw livid blooms like snakes around my spine
Paint me gryffindor red, slither under my skin
that I may keep the echoes of your touch
Mark me yours, strip my back, drive me past pain
till I will reach the edges of myself
then push me far beyond, undo my being
embed into my core, re-build me around you
...
My strength's a gift from you. I've got no power
to spread you out, except if you comply
There's no need for restraint, were you unshackled
you'll not escape, nor move much more than shudder
I'm not to punish you, nor I'm to take revenge
With this wounds that you're eager to receive
I claim you: yielding body, unscathed soul
As I caress you, hit you, flog you, slash your flesh
I aim to bare your ribcage, touch your heart
keep it safe, set it free, bond it to mine
...
We find salvation by the strangest ways
your kiss my absolution, Love your name