Title: Flood
Author: Eternal Elves
Rating: K+
Summary: When something is repressed, it builds. And when it builds over time… there is a flood. Elladan has hidden his emotions for too long. It's the year 2005 and Elrohir is away for a few hours. One shot
Author Notes: Read and review! This is a one-shot. Remember, there is no such thing as slash (in my world) when it comes to the hot elves. There has to be SOME hot men/elves left for us.
Flood
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Elladan looked around the dreary apartment he and his brother had rented out a few months ago. The carpets were stained and the furniture was of poor quality, but it served well enough. If he focused hard enough, he could imagine he was back in Imladris before it had been destroyed, in the chambers he had shared with his brother and where he was free to be an elf. But those days were long gone, and he had to accept it.
Sure, he had tried. He had tried very hard. He had some how convinced Elrohir and Glorfindel and even himself that he was adjusting as best an elf could to human life, which was the opposite. He was sick inside. The wounds from his father leaving, his sister dying, seeing his friends leave or die… they still festered on his soul. He flopped down on his bed and looked up at the stucco ceiling.
His breath came in ragged gasps as he fought to retain his tears. He hadn't shed tears since Arwen had died. Just at the thought of his beautiful sister brought the tears sliding down his face. He wished she could have stayed with them, or gone with Ada, so he and Elladan might have seen her again one day. He sobbed uncontrollably. He was so worn out and tired. He was sick of trying to be strong. He wanted to be the weak and vulnerable one, but there was no one to protect him.
Elladan wept for his friends. He remembered Angarato, one of his closest friends, besides Legolas and Elrohir. Angarato never took anything for granted and took advantage of everyday and he remembered thinking the other ellon was sort of crazy for taking advantage of every moment, but now, he saw how important it was. But now, there didn't seem to be any point.
He wept for his mother. He felt like such a horrible son, never returning to his mother who had waited years and years to see her family again, but only would see her husband again. Her children were doomed to die and that would bring her such grief. It was all his fault.
All his fault.
He had kept Elrohir on Earth.
He had encouraged the love between his sister and foster brother.
It was all his fault.
He started to hyperventilate as he fought to breathe correctly. His head swum as he continued to blame himself. His thoughts bore heavily on his already weak psyche and he didn't even realize he had rolled off the bed and banged his head on the nightstand. He curled up into a ball and sobbed.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger! I'm sorry, Arwen! I'm sorry, Estel! Goheno nin! Goheno nin!" (Forgive me)
How could he ever be worthy of his noble foster brother's memory? Or his nephew's memory? They had both been worthy, kingly men during their lives and had brought nothing but joy to him. Their deaths, so close together, had nearly brought him to the point of fading. Only Elrohir had stood between him and Mandos' Halls.
Before long, all Elladan's tears were spent and he simply lay on the floor, staring at the stained carpet. His eyes were red and his nose ran. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and closed his eyes. He was just so tired… he could have probably fallen asleep right on the spot, if the door hadn't opened. He jumped to his feet and tried to act happy.
"Greetings, brother. How are you?" He asked, his voice scratchy from his hysterical sobs. He could feel the tear stains on his fair cheeks, but he hoped Elrohir wouldn't notice and go on to talk about all the fun he and Glorfindel had had. No such luck.
"What's wrong?" The younger twin immediately asked.
"Nothing."
"Don't lie. You know how I feel about liars." Elladan was reminded of a time that Elrohir had nearly beaten another elf to death for lying about… in fact, Elladan wasn't even sure what the elf had been beaten for.
"It is nothing that concerns you." Elladan snapped.
Elrohir gripped his brother's shirt so their noses were almost touching. "When it comes to you, it has everything to do with me." He whispered harshly. "Now tell me what troubles you." He ordered in his 'Lord Voice'.
"No!" Elladan yelled, pushing his brother away. "I'm supposed to protect you!"
"Not even you can protect everyone all the time."
"SHUT UP!" He screamed and retreated to the corner. His legs collapsed under him and he hid his face, not wanting to see Elrohir react to his shame. "Go away."
"Even if you threatened me with a blade, you could never force me to leave your side… brother." He put emphasis on the last word and knelt by Elladan. Cool fingers lifted the chin of the eldest twin up, and the Lord of Imladris looked into the clear, aquamarine eyes of his brother.
Elladan couldn't pull his eyes from the face of the elf he loved with all his soul. It was his brother, and he could not have been more grateful that the Valar had given him such a blessing. He could never have survived past the time he looked thirteen mortal years if not for Elrohir. His heart slowly shattered every moment he kept his mouth closed.
"I am weak… my heart bleeds for amme and telehir!" (mother, sister) Elladan whispered, bowing his head. He felt Elrohir's hand run through his hair comfortingly and the younger elf shift closer and bring Elladan's head to his chest.
"My brother… I miss them as well. But it does not make you weak."
Elladan's head shot up. "Tell me how it makes me strong."
"You show that you can love. It is the greatest strength." Elrohir was wise and had learned well from their father. This was one of the few times he showed it.
"I obviously do not love enough. I should have sailed!" He sobbed as tears slid down his face again.
"You did not sail because you love Estel and Arwen, enough to protect Men from themselves. Ada and Amme will understand and we can always sail, if things become too hard. We can always sail. Take comfort in that thought." Elrohir sat down beside Elladan, who laid down and put his head on his brother's lap, like an elfling.
"But why do I feel so empty?" Elladan asked, looking up at Elrohir through teary eyes. "Why do I feel so cold inside?"
"I do not know. I wish I had all the answers, my brother. I wish it with all my heart." Elrohir sighed and gripped his brother's hand. "Stay with me. Do not succumb to grief." He gulped and a solitary tear slid down his cheek. "I beg you."
"I won't. Just promise to never leave me alone."
"I promise." The twins embraced and slept on the floor that night. Their hearts and souls rebound, as they were always meant to be. Their bond was even stronger. If together, they could face anything and come out victorious. Such is the miracle of elven bonds. Between siblings or lovers, the bond is forever.