A/N: Just in case you don't know a word, I have included the Japanese translations at the bottom.

Lucy yawned tiredly as she peeled open her crusty eyes. Last night had been yet another festival among the guild. Of course, when she said festival, she meant all out brawl that had without a doubt lead once again to the absolute and total destruction inside their brand new guild. A barbaric fight which she truly would have never joined into in a thousand years. The key words being would have.

Up until Gray punched Natsu so hard that he bumped into Lucy, his fiery fists burning up brand new holes into the bosom of the expensive shirt she'd just bought. And while she did want to show off her erotic lacy bra, that had not been the situation she'd pictured. The steam she'd imagined had most definitely NOT been from Natsu's idiotic and inexperienced hands, and the cool factor had also most definitely NOT been from a certain ice exhibitionist's hands as he tried (and successfully achieved) to get a handful of those delicious mounds that belonged to Fairy Tail's princess.

"Oi, flame brain," the ice wizard shouted, rushing over with a half grin maliciously painted unto his face. "If you're gonna manhandle a woman, at least be cool about it," he stated with a cocky look in his usually stoic eyes as he strode up to Lucy and leaned against the bar counter, taking a generous handful of her ample chest into his icy hands as he extinguished the smoldering embers that had caught onto her bra now. With not even a second to spare, Happy flew up behind Lucy and yelled at top notch, "He lllllikes you," tongue rolling at the speed of Erza driving a magic four-wheeler.

Ignoring the ice cubes building up along her chest, she turned to the flying blue cat with the scariest face she could muster.

"Neko-chan...Where would you like me to bury you," she growled as her face went dark, sending shivers up his blue fur as he moved behind Natsu, who had fallen to the ground at Lucy's feet in a state of apology. Lucy, however, was stopped by a familiar voice before she could beat some sense into the cat.

"Erza-san, what are you doing back behind here," Mira said cheerfully from behind the bar. As both Gray and Natsu's face turned into that of fear, Gray instantly released his vice grip on Lucy's breasts. Whipping his head around, he was met with the scariest face of Erza that he'd ever seen. Not scary per say because of the anger that they had suspected lay evident on it. No, it was scarier for a reason much more terrifying, even to Lucy. Shivers twice the size of Mount Hakobe ran up all of Gray, Natsu, Lucy, and Happy's backs. Gray even began redressing.

Her face was completely stoic. Blank, empty, no emotion what so ever, zip, nada. What in the world was Erza thinking?

"Gray, Natsu," she growled her first words in an intimidating voice that would taken out all ten wizard saints in one go. She didn't even blush at Lucy's erotic undergarments or her state of slight undress. "I think that maybe you should let go of Lucy-san's boobs soon. And, maybe, Natsu, you should be more careful with Lucy's clothing, at least till you go home."

Lucy was the first to start laughing out of all four. With that tone anyone in the guild could tell who it was.

"Good one, Mira," Lucy laughed through tears as Gray and Natsu begun to get irritated by their own foolishness.

Elfman, heartily laughing appeared by his older sibling in a heartbeat as she morphed back into herself, "Of course it was a good one, 'cause Mira-nee is Man!"

No one but Mira even bothered to try and correct him as they gave him exasperated looks.

"No, I'm really not," Mira insisted quietly, though her statement was completely and utterly disregarded by the hulking mass of muscle that she addressed as a brother. That idiot.

"Whew," Natsu sighed as he sat up from his seat on the ground, grabbing hold of something to help himself off the ground. Something rather peculiar, and pleasingly squishy. Without a second thought, Natsu blindly began to squeeze it, trying to figure out what in the world it could have been. Too intrigued to ask, he continued his inspection for barely a second more before getting attacked again.

"Eyaa," Lucy screamed as she slapped the still flaming hand off her backside. There went the matching pants she'd just bought. "Nastu," she growled, eyes gleaming yellow as the entirety of her body was consumed by eerily dark shadows.

Natsu begun to shiver violently as he cowered screaming only one brief, "Kowai! Oni!" before getting kicked into oblivion. Natsu, as luck would have it on this day, was spared for the moment of his beating as another annoyingly familiar voice sounded behind her.

"Oi, Lucy, your underwear is burning, let me help you out again," Gray stated coolly, the smirk hidden in his voice terribly as his hands groped her firmly. One could almost make out the demonic trail of yellow her eyes left behind as her head whipped back around with enough force to snap the great Sola tree in Magnolia's South Park in two.

"Sexual Harassment," she screamed, followed by another chorus of Happy's, "He llllikes you!"

"Akuma," echoed unanimously through the hall as Lucy practically broke a wall when she punched Gray. And thus the fight started. Obviously she had nothing to do with how it began, it was all Gray and Natsu's fault. Well, Mostly.

Cana was drug into the fight when Gray accidently froze the barrel of booze she'd been drinking as Natsu had dodged for once. Gajeel joined just for the heck of a rematch with Salamander. Macao and Wakaba joined because they too had wanted to feel up the princess of Fairy Tail. This in turn, brought Loke and Virgo out. Loke, who was not about to let anyone feel up his Master, and Virgo, who wanted to know what to tell the one he'd been on a date with. So he could hear her when he was on a date. Stupid ero-lion.

Levy, even had joined because she had to protect her Lu-chan from all the perverts in the guild. Jet and Droy joined because they were perverts (though it was refreshing that it was for Levy-chan). Erza had joined, because, when Cana had discarded the barrel of frozen ale (or rather thrown it over her shoulder in a state of angry distress), it had landed precisely on top of the cakes she'd just bought, all forty nine of them. Fried and Reedus had joined in because when Erza requipped, she'd put a hole directly through the place Reedus had been painting Fried's face onto the canvas. Elfman joined the ever-growing fight because, well, that's apparently what a Man does. Hearing these words, Happy joined in because he wanted to impress Charle.

"Salamander! Girl! Let's make our cat's fight!"

"My face!" "My work!"

"You froze it, all of my precious booze!"

"Lu-chan, are you okay?"

"We wanna touch it!" "Lucy-chan, let us touch them!"

"Hime-sama, time for punishment?" "Only I'm allowed to touch Lucy like that!"

"Flame brain Pervert!" "Popsicle Exhibitionist!"

"LEVY-CHAN!" "LEVY-CHAN!"

"My cakes! What outrage!"

"MAN!" "AYE, SIR!"

Yes, as it was many things, the worst was that fact that this had now become a typical day in Fairy Tail. The fight, like always, was not the type to end prematurely. When the violent whirlwind had ended, guild members swooped back down upon their beverages sporting a few wounds. Then, like always, they drank the night away and passed out onto the floor in a mass of tangled bodies, most the time huddled around (or more often than not, on top of) the person they'd managed to trap down. Even Lucy had stayed the night, though she probably would have been too drunk to walk home anyways.

Lucy woke the next morning supporting a rather nasty hangover. She groaned as she drug herself over to the bar, trudging over in a state of half-limp, half-sleep. Luckily, she wasn't the first one up, she sighed happily as she took her seat before the cheery barmaid. Mira had already begun to make breakfast; she had long since taken it upon herself to do so when such events as the previous night had occurred.

"Morning Lucy-san," Mira chirped as she hauled a small white carton onto the counter.

"What are you making," Lucy asked, trying not to sound too suspicious. Mira's cooking didn't always go over well, especially when she 'experimented' with something new. Mira, however, was too busy pouring the white substance sloppily into a bowl. Her tongue stuck out the corner of her lips ever so slightly as she lightly bit down in concentration.

Before Lucy could protest, a large ball of fuzzy blue fur collided with her face. She should have known Happy had been sleep flying again. When he peeled his eyes open finally, he simply stared at Lucy for a moment. Then, with the most innocent grin on his face, he stated point blank, "Lucy, you look more ugly than usual today."

When Mira had managed to stop Lucy from strangling the poor creature, with a worried look she pulled the beast onto the counter. As Happy blathered on, Lucy shaking in anger the whole time, Mira poured him a small cup of the liquid to shut him up. Still oblivious, he continued on his troublemaking escapade.

"They llllike " With this, Happy's face was dunked under by a twitching Lucy.

"Thirsty neko-chan," Lucy asked creepily as she laughed hysterically.

She only became more infuriated when he reemerged, licked his whiskers, and plunged loonily back into it.

"Mira, what is that," Lucy asked, seriously concerned with Happy's behavior. He was only that obsessed with two things; fish, and Charle. If this made Happy act like that, she didn't know if she really wanted to stick around for breakfast.

"It's just milk," Mira said, cocking her head to the side in surprise, "I bought it fresh at the market today."

With a shake of her head and a loud sigh, she sat back and relaxed, she'd never really watched anyone prepare a meal before. Before her servants had brought a meal out to her if and when she was hungry, and only after a prized chef had specially made her meal. No, Lucy Heartfelia had never once set foot inside a kitchen in her entire life, let alone actually cooked food herself. It was always a restaurant, or food that she didn't have to cook. To see an event such as this, no matter how small and simple it was, was something she wasn't going to pass up watching.

The way Mira mixed flour and a number of other ingredients that Lucy wasn't completely familiar with, intrigued her. Of course, Lucy could tell Mira was no top notch chef as she prattled along, the bar's counter covered in flour and milk.

She smiled lightly as Mira explained to Happy about his beverage.

"The kind you're drinking comes from cows, but other things can make it too, like goats or humans," Mira rambled as she brought out a light pen that Reedus had given her and began to make a flow chart.

With this he flew from the now empty bowl into Mira crazily.

"You can make it? Where does it come from," he begged as the two women tried (and failed miserably) to conceal their laughter. When the two had finally stopped giggling and sneaking knowing glances at each other, Mira reached down and cupped her hand secretively around his ear, whispering to him quietly.

Rough Translations:

Neko-chan- Kitty/Cat

Kowai- Scary

Oni- Demon

Akuma- Devil

A/N: Sorry if it's out of character, this is my first attempt at humor in a long time, and my first outright attempt at fairy tail humor.

Hope you liked it!

If you review Erza will give you cake! :)