Here, have this messy, rambling thing that I call a story as I try to overcome my writer's block.
Those Who Restrain Desire
Edward Midford gritted his teeth as he looked down the dining table at his younger sister and his cousin.
Ciel had recently returned from his latest jaunt as the Queen's Watchdog and so Father had invited him to the manor. Lizzie was thrilled, of course, and was currently fawning over their cousin under Mother's disapproving gaze.
"Elizabeth, sit up straight. Crooked posture is not becoming of a Lady," Francis barked across the table. Edward felt smug with satisfaction when Lizzie did as she was told, the action moving her further away from Ciel. The beginnings of a smile began to curve his lips right until Francis continued to say, "And Edward, please refrain from staring off into the distance with such a look upon your face, particularly when your father is trying to engage you in conversation."
Edward nodded tersely, properly scolded. Though he tried his best to keep his focus on his father's words, his eyes could not help but stray over to the thin figure of his cousin.
Frowning absently, Edward recalled the ginger way Ciel had walked, how he had relied a little too much on his cane. Most would not have noticed the slightly laboured movements as Ciel did an adept job at hiding them, but the Midfords were not most people.
Once they had finished the dessert course, Ciel excused himself to take in some fresh air in the courtyard while Lizzie was upstairs fetching a "cute coat" that she had had made for Ciel as a present.
After a moment of hesitation, Edward followed the path Ciel had taken even as he felt his mother's watchful gaze on his back.
The sun was hanging low in the sky when Edward stepped out onto the staircase leading to the courtyard. He paused on the second step, breath hitching in his throat.
Ciel was staring up at his namesake, slate hair glinting in the sunlight and pale skin shining.
It would be easy to mistake Ciel for an angel. Lovely and frail, in this moment of stolen solitude Ciel's poised mask had slipped away to show a face both weary and peaceful. Innocent.
But Edward knew better.
If Ciel were to be compared to a heavenly figure, it would be more apt to call him a god.
Certainly he had the hubris of one.
Powerful and commanding, callous but occasionally merciful. Edward knew of Ciel's hidden life. Knew that his small, harmless looking cousin dealt out a ruthless justice to Britain's underworld. Knew that he stared unflinchingly into the lowest depths of human depravity so that their Queen might keep her gaze averted from such filth.
And still despite this heavy burden Ciel never gave any indication that he felt it's weight. He stood straight-backed and proud.
Except, it seemed, in this moment.
Edward had not had the opportunity to be alone with Ciel in years. As a child, despite his bashful nature Ciel had attracted many a doting adult. After the fire, though Ciel was still withdrawn he continued to attract people like bees to a honeypot.
Not to mention the matter of Ciel's ever-present shadow, a mysterious butler dressed all in black. The butler had somehow managed to talk himself into the kitchens despite the fact that the Midford chef was more than capable. Edward was thankful of this now, because it had afforded him a rare glimpse of an unguarded Ciel.
Edward would not squander it.
He stepped forward and watched a subtle change overtake Ciel's lax form. Slim shoulders rose slightly and any fatigue was hidden away. Edward's lips tugged downwards in a frown.
Coming to a stop a foot away from his cousin, Edward stared openly at the younger boy. "It would do you well to once more take up fencing lessons from Mother," he said. He eyed Ciel's right leg pointedly, imagining what might lie beneath the fabric of Ciel's silk sock. A bruise or cut? Perhaps the tender skin of Ciel's ankle was swollen from a sprain. Edward would not have been surprised if Ciel had attended dinner with a broken foot, though he hoped the butler would have prevented such foolhardiness. "Or if you prefer a less stern instructor, I'm certain Father or Lizzie would be willing."
The corner of Ciel's pink lips twitched into a faint smirk, though his gaze remained trained on the sky. "You are so quick to volunteer everyone's service but your own," he noted with some amusement.
Edward blinked. It had not occurred to him to do so. He was not as skilled as the other members of his family. It would benefit Ciel more to study under a master and Earl Phantomhive was not the type to accept anything other than the best.
However, Ciel did not give him pause to respond. "No matter. Sebastian is overlooking my physical training. It is taken care of."
"Your butler?" Edward scoffed. That butler was surely skilled in many areas, but swordplay was an art perfected by the Midford family.
"You would be injudicious to believe that I would be content to submit myself to subpar tutoring. Trust that Sebastian is more than sufficient. In any case, I would have thought you would be eager to see me out of the way, unable to marry your precious sister." Ciel said these words matter-of-factly, without any malice or emotion at all.
Edward bit back a wince at the sharp sting of the comment. It was not unexpected: he and Ciel had not been on friendly terms since the engagement to Lizzie. In fact, Edward had said something similar to Ciel aboard the Campania. It had been a hurtful thing spat out while Edward's throat had been threatening to close up with fear as they parted, Edward to safety and Ciel to more danger. There had been hundreds, no thousands of unsaid words sitting upon Edwards tongue at the time, but even in the face of such a grave situation propriety had held him back, forcing him to swallow down the bitter taste of unvoiced sentiment. Instead he had used his words as he would use his sword because he knew that Ciel would not stand to let Edward be right in that. He had wanted to motivate Ciel, to light up that spark of competitiveness.
Even now he knew how he was expected to react. That he should say something disparaging, reiterate how little he cared for the betrothal between Ciel and Lizzie.
Propriety be damned.
He watched Ciel watch the sky, the orange glow of the sun reflected in that lone uncovered eye. Edward wanted to see the bright blue of it, wanted the undivided attention of Ciel's brilliant gaze.
He wanted.
"You know nothing of my desires," he said darkly.
This seemed to peak Ciel's interest. "Oh?" One thin brow quirked and, finally, Ciel turned to face him. There was an invitation in the soft lines of his face. A curiosity that had not been aimed at Edward for years. Not since CIel had been a shy but happy child and Edward the much revered older cousin. "And what is it that you desire?" It was said wryly, as if Ciel did not truly believe that Edward could surprise him.
Perhaps it was unwise, but Edward could not stop himself from taking a measured step forward. And then another.
Ciel watched him with open interest. Still there was an imperious tilt to his lips and Edward was struck with the desire to cover them with his own, coax them into compliance.
He took another step forward, now just an inch separating his chest from Ciel's head. Of course Ciel was not cowed, raising his chin to continue to meet Edward's green eyes with a defiant blue.
"You infuriate me, always," Edward confessed, "I want to…"
"To humble me?" Ciel finished, impatient and unimpressed. Even Edward who had known Ciel from childhood could not tell if this bravado was true or false.
"No," Edward denied. No that was not it, not truly. Just as though he bitterly hated the match between Ciel and Lizzie it was not truthfully because they would be bad for each other. Ciel did care for Lizzie. And Lizzie was strong, stronger than Edward. She could protect Ciel. More so than Edward could.
Edward reached out, hand shaking with excitement and terror, and laid his palm flat against the soft curve of Ciel's cheek. He stroked his thumb across the smooth skin and confirmed to himself that despite appearances, Ciel was not made of stone but flesh and blood. He felt delicate to the touch, as if with even the smallest increase in pressure he might break apart and crumble in Edward's hand. Yet Edward knew this to be untrue. Many had tried to break Ciel, but none had succeeded for Ciel refused to be broken.
Nevertheless, Ciel was neither angel nor a god. He was simply a boy.
A boy who Edward hadn't seen genuinely smile in much too long.
And Edward wanted…
Edward wanted to fold Ciel into the safety of his arms. Wanted to run his fingers through Ciel's silken hair and smooth away his troubles. Wanted to press kisses into every scar that mapped Ciel's body that he might banish away the unpleasant memories.
It was improper but still Edward wanted.
He wondered if his desires were evident upon his face, but Ciel did not shy away from him. Rather, Ciel looked at him with grim fascination, lips parted ever so slightly.
Edward was unable to resist them. He brushed a light kiss against Ciel's lips. A question.
Thin fingers reached up to grasp the fabric of his jacket, neither pushing nor pulling.
Edward pressed forward, gently. A soft sweep of his tongue into Ciel's pliant mouth. He continued to support Ciel's head with a careful hand, his other moving to rest on the small of Ciel's back, wrapping the slighter boy in his embrace.
Ciel made a quiet sound that traveled from his own mouth to Edward's and Edward swallowed it hungrily.
Then Ciel was kissing back, forceful as his personality. Edward felt Ciel rise to his toes, leveraging himself up to take control of the kiss. Fingers that had been content to rest on Edward's shoulders now skated higher, tangling in Edward's blond hair as Ciel sucked sensually on Edward's tongue.
Edward gasped sharply and then moaned low in his throat, lost to the passion Ciel normally kept tightly coiled inside.
"Ciel," he whispered, fervently. His limbs trembled but he did not tighten his hold. Still he held Ciel as if Ciel were something precious, his grasp protective, not harsh.
When Ciel licked into his mouth deliciously, Edward broke away with a quivering inhale. Ciel licked his swollen lips instead and Edward groaned. He moved to capture that pink tongue once more but froze at the sound of hurried footsteps upon the stone staircase.
He stumbled away from Ciel, eyes wide. Ciel, on the other hand, only calmly lowered his heels to the ground with a bemused look on his face. His cheeks were flushed a pretty pink and his mouth looked well-used, but Edward suspected that between the two of them he was the worse off, with disheveled hair and a wrinkled jacket to go along with his own blushing cheeks and lips.
"Ciel!" Lizzie chirped, skipping down the stairs two at a time. "I had a room prepared with the evening coat and a mirror. You simply must come try it on at once! Nina outdid herself! She was upset she could not retake your measurements, but I assured her if it does not fit precisely we will see her at once.
She slipped her hand into Ciel's and tugged, the movement easy and thoughtless. Nothing like Edward's own embrace which had required all the courage he had as well as more than a little recklessness.
"Come on!" Lizzie entreated with a wide smile, pulling on Ciel's arm. Ciel did not follow, though he did not extricate his hand from hers.
"Just a moment, Lizzie. I will join you shortly," Ciel said with no explanation for the delay.
Lizzie looked between them but nodded, her curly pigtails bouncing. "Alright," she agreed. She turned on her heel and bounded back up the stairs, tossing a quick smile to the both of them over her shoulder.
Though they were alone again, there was an undeniable shift in the atmosphere. Despite all evidence pointing to the contrary, their kiss seemed like a far off dream. Edward clenched his fists, gaze turned upon the ground.
The sound of Ciel's heeled shoes moving away caused an echoing pang in Edward's chest. He shut his eyes.
"Edward."
Ciel paused and Edward blinked his eyes open, holding his breath in anticipation. Ciel stood two steps above Edward and nearly of height. "These desires of yours…I would not be opposed to learning more of them. Perhaps I might have my own that you would wish to know." His voice was so steady when he spoke as if the topic were no different than a new coat or fencing lessons, but his one eye gleamed.
Then without waiting for response – though why should he when the response was so transparent? – Ciel followed Lizzie's path up the stairs.
As he left he seemed to take all the light with him and Edward realized belatedly that the sun had finally set sometime during their encounter.
He exhaled slowly, hands unfurling from their fists.
Eyes still trained on where Ciel had disappeared into the manor, Edward allowed himself a delighted grin.
Yes, the marriage was ever approaching and Ciel's Watchdog duties were growing more perilous and Edward's own responsibilities were drawing him further away, but for now there was still time.
Time enough to deal with these eventualities.
And though not nearly enough to sate them, time enough to, perhaps, scratch the surface of their desires.
End
It would be a lie to say this wasn't somehow influenced by Neko-chan -Silvered Tongue. I went looking for fic on this rare pair and ended up inspired.
And the title comes from The Marriage of Heaven and Hell by William Blake. Appropriate for this fandom, huh?
Reviews are always appreciated!
Midnight's Violet Haze