Broken Arrows

It had been a long night, one without sleep, and I was exhausted. Being human was all I ever wanted, to be normal, to have a life, build a family. I had seen a bright future for myself when I chose to take the cure seven years ago. I could vividly remember how I felt when Damon took it with me, so we could have a human life together. Happiness and hopes and dreams.
Damon… I wondered where he was right now. Deep down inside I felt a little sad, because the surprise I had once felt when he came home late – or not at all – was long gone. Instead I got used to it. It was like we were living separate lives these days, like all we still shared was a house – a house that I couldn't even call a home anymore. I sat down and decided I would finish some work while I was waiting for him to come home.
It was almost a quarter past three when the front door opened and I heard footsteps in the hall. I looked up and sighed at the sight of him. His hair was messy and the look in his eyes was distant. Damon had tried very hard, I was aware of that, but he never got used to the human life anymore. No matter how many times Stefan and I had told him to do it for himself, he ended up doing it for the promise of a life with me and it was not enough. Somewhere along the way he ended up blaming me for it, it showed every single time he laid eyes on me.
"You're late," I said. I didn't get an answer. After giving me a quick kiss on the head he walked over to the cabinet to pour himself a glass of whiskey. That obviously wasn't his first and wouldn't be his last. The many hangovers had never taught him he had limits now, he just didn't care. "And you're drunk," I added, wishing he would lay off the alcohol just for a day. Just one day. Drunk Damon had never been a good Damon, not as a vampire and not as a human. These days he was barely ever sober anymore.
"I sense judgment," he eventually replied. He turned around and looked at me. "Which is odd, because you are the one who wanted me to own a bar."
"I wanted you to own it, Damon, not pass out on it every night."
It was true, I had wanted him to own it, because I had thought it would be nice for him to own something other than… me. So he would have something to do when I was at work and not be bored to death. So he would not have to feel lonely when I was away from home so much. Maybe I should have encouraged him to pursue a career as a lawyer.
It was quiet for a couple of seconds. There was a look in his eyes I didn't understand until he spoke again. "Well, that bar is a lot more affectionate than you are."
I just stared at him. I knew I wasn't home much, but it was hard building a career these days and I was ambitious. Of course I wished I could combine things a lot better, but I was trying, too. "I just finished my residency," I answered with a sigh. "I'm working my butt off to build a career…"
Damon shrugged. "And I'm drinking my butt off building mine."
"If you're that unhappy, just sell the bar," I said, feeling a little annoyed now.
"And do what?" he asked me.
"I don't even care, Damon," I answered, and I got up from my chair, facing him now. "Whatever you want to do…" I just wanted him to be happy. I just wanted us to be happy.
"Well, that's the problem, Elena," he snapped. "Because what I want to do is drink all night without getting drunk. I want to drive my car like a psycho without fear of death and I want to tear someone's head off without getting arrested!"
His demeanor reminded me of the beginning of our relationship, when we both had been vampires. Lots of anger, lots of fights, lots of make-up sex. In fact, nothing really changed about that. Even now when things should have been different, everything was still the same and it made me wonder… Was this what I had been dreaming of? A husband that, even after all these years, still had psychopathic thoughts about ripping heads off and making people bleed? Someone who looked at me like he blamed me for not being able to be who he really was? An alcoholic, always the victim, someone who only ever wanted me, and didn't care about the rest of this life?
"You're right, you can't do all those things anymore…" I started, but he wouldn't let me finish.
"Because of you," he growled. "I can't, because of you!"
Even though he started to walk up to me slowly, with a threatening look in his eyes, I was not afraid. "Just say it!" I hissed, and he did.
"This was a damn mistake," he answered, while drinking the last bit of his whiskey.
My lips curled up into a smile, but there was no amusement, it was not a happy smile. "You're right," I said, "this was a mistake."
As soon as I said it, it was like something changed. Something deep inside of him. For a moment he just looked at me, but then his eyes went dark and he threw his glass on the ground. I cringed and took a step back, as he took one forward, raising his hand. Quickly I held my arms in front of me to protect myself, but the blow never came. When I finally looked up at him again, my eyes wide with shock, he was still standing there, his hand raised mid-air.
"Wow," I whispered.
His eyes turned back into those blue eyes I had once been so in love with. "Elena, I'm…"
"No!" This time I interrupted him. "I don't even want to hear it. I know things haven't been going well between us lately, Damon, but I thought you still respected me."
"I do."
I shook my head. "No, you don't. You wanted to hit me." A voice in my head told me not to be surprised. Had Damon not always been easy to lay his hands on me? Plenty of excuses to force his blood down my throat, to threaten to break my limbs, to intimidate me… Because he meant well, because he wanted to protect me, because he didn't want to lose me. And this time? This time he would have hit me just because he lost his temper. That was where we were at these days. This was rock bottom. "I love you, I do." Tears were burning in my eyes as I spoke quietly but firmly. "But this is not acceptable. You may not respect me, but I do respect myself."
"Come on, Elena… If I truly wanted to hit you, then why didn't I?" he tried.
I could see he was truly sorry, but I knew I couldn't allow this to go on – and it would go on. With all the anger and the hurt and the blame we were going to end up in a vicious circle. Damon was human because of me and he had been right: we obviously made a mistake seven years ago, because he was miserable as a human and he always would be. "I'm going to pack my things," I told him. "I will be out of your hair within an hour."
He protested, but I turned around and walked upstairs to pack my stuff. My head felt numb, I still couldn't believe the turn this night had taken. I didn't blame everything on Damon, we were both to blame. I should never have let it come this far, I should have tried to balance out my work and my personal life much better, but Damon never had the right to lay a hand on me. If it had been a one-time thing, then maybe I would have stayed, but it was like all the pieces of this puzzle only fell in place just now. It was Damon, he was never going to change. Before I had been a vampire, he had been like this towards me, as a vampire it never changed and in the past seven years, everything had still been the same. He didn't respect me and I was not sure he ever did.
While packing my stuff, I didn't allow myself too much to think about it, but eventually I just couldn't stop myself anymore. I had to think about things: where was I going to go? Right now I couldn't feel further away from everyone I knew. Not just because we moved to the city for my new job about a year ago, but also because my life had pretty much been limited to work and Damon lately. Did I even still have doors left to knock on, now that it all went south?
After five minutes of forcing myself to breathe steadily, trying to calm myself down, I picked up my phone and called the only person I could think of. The only person who never gave up on me. I was beginning to think that I had been an idiot for walking away from that. Now it was years too late, and I knew I would never know if we could have had the life we saw in our dreams, but I simply didn't know who else to call right now. He was the first person on my mind…
Just when I wanted to break off the call because I thought he wasn't going to pick up, I heard his voice on the other side of the line. "Elena?" His voice sounded raspy, he sounded sleepy. "Is that you? It's four o'clock in the morning, what's going on?"
"It's a long story," I said quietly. "But I broke up with Damon."
It must have caught his attention, but he didn't answer right away. "What do you want from me?" he said after a while. His voice didn't sound as warm as I wanted it to, but that only made sense. I had hurt him one too many times and now, seven years after we said good bye, after seven years of not talking to each other, here I was again. With a problem. Little Elena, always the one who needed someone to save her. Maybe Damon was not the only one who hadn't changed.
"Nothing," I whispered. "I don't need anything… Just sleep, I'm sorry for calling. I will be fine, Stefan, I promise. Good night, okay?"
"Mmm." He sighed. "Good night, Elena."
That was it. Even he had given up on me by now. Well, I couldn't exactly blame him for that. I bit my lower lip and brought the phone away from my ear, but I froze when I heard his voice again.
"Hey Elena?"
I hesitated. "Yeah?"
Stefan hesitated too. I could hear it. Five long seconds before he spoke. "Are you coming home now?"
All I expected from him was to wish me well after this conversation. To tell me he wanted me to be happy, but he wouldn't be there to pick up the pieces for me anymore. But Stefan proved to be much more than just a friend who always believed in me: he was my soulmate. I could tell that this time was different and that he wouldn't just let me off the hook, but he was still going to be there. He still wanted me to come back. To come home.
Through my tears, I managed to smile. "Yes, Stefan… I'm coming home now."

Home is where the heart is.