Stalemate, a pendragon fanfic

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"Sometimes it's hard to love someone because you're so afraid of losing them."-Unknown

"Do you love me?"

She plucked at the Second Earth grass she sat on and avoided his gaze and tried to sound forlorn when she sighed.

"No."

And Bobby's smile was cracked a little and it shouldn't have bothered her because this wasn't how it was supposed to be.

"Alright," he said softly and she could feel her soul disintegrating.

"I love you."

"Shut up."

He always took her glares in stride, always smiled, always accepted her behavior as if he expected nothing less and really, could she blame him? Her attitude hadn't been great when he had tried to befriend her and now that things were different, more serious, and she was so wrapped up in her suffocating emotions that she didn't recognize herself anymore, it was only going to get worse. He had to know that. But he kept pushing, he kept pushing and she kept reacting so cruelly that really she wished he would stop just because she didn't know how.

"Alright," he said again, that hurt little smile firmly back in place.

"Be careful," he whispered, sounding scared and her heart went out to him for about five seconds before she realized what was happening and reeled it back in.

"I know," she managed to reply without sounding angry or upset or miserable or any of the other warring, twisting, acidic emotions that were currently occupying the pit of her stomach. He smiled again, but this one was forced around his worry.

"Good," his hand brushed her face and she flinched.

"This isn't the way it's supposed to be," she snapped after she caught him staring at her again in that love sick puppy way that made her want to break his face. He laughed and the guilt in his expression was palpable.

"I know."

"Then why are you doing this?"

It was more of a plea for some sort of closure than a real question and it hit her seconds later that he would answer it and she didn't want to know why. She wanted to disappear when his mouth started to open and a wave of nausea was the only thing that kept her from up and running to the other side of the planet.

"Because I can't help it," he whispered and the intensity of his gaze was just too much.

"I hate you," she hissed one morning over breakfast, bringing the first genuine smile to his face that she had seen in a long time.

"You're a bad liar."

But if that were true then he would know and that just wasn't possible.

He continued to grin as thought he had won the lottery and she wanted to wipe his mouth right off his face.

No, it wasn't possible.

"Will you marry me when this is over?"

She couldn't help it because the question was just so stupid and it never occurred to her that the shock factor was intended. Her mouth dropped open and landed on her crossed legs and she stared at him as though he had finally lost his mind, which was a very real possibility.

"No," she said loudly and it didn't bother her that her voice probably carried to snooping ears. She had a feeling Alder was trying to figure out what was going on between them anyways and, if Bobby hadn't been an idiot and told him yet, it was only a matter of time before the knight found out.

He grinned wickedly in response to that, "Why don't you think about it?"

It took all of her self control not to break his face this time.

"Loor, it's late," his voice was soft in the midnight but it startled her all the same and she jumped, turned away from the rushing river before her, and glared at him.

"I know that," she snapped, sounding very much like a two year old. He grinned.

"I know," he buried his hands in his jean pockets. They were such unpractical articles of clothing, far too restricting, she really didn't know why he insisted on wearing them, nostalgic value aside.

"Then what are you doing out here?" she demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

He crossed the three feet between them and kissed her by her river and it never really occurred to her to stop him.

He didn't kiss her again until a week later and during that time they never talked about the first. The second, however, made her blurt out, "This has to stop."

He leaned back, looking thoughtful, "You're right."

And she gaped at him, because of all the stupidity she expected to come out of his mouth in response that was not one of them. "What?" she asked flatly, insulted by his apparent eagerness to stop what she had thought to be very satisfactory kisses.

"We're at war, we can't make out whenever we want," he frowned slightly, "It was kind of stupid of me."

She snorted as if to say, "You think?"

And then his face split into a wildly triumphant grin and she took a step back, wary because he suddenly resembled a younger, more attractive Saint Dane, "I got what I wanted anyway."

The desire to kill him took her quickly and only the fact that he was the Lead Traveler stopped her, though murder came in a close second to Halla in that moment.

"You what?" she hissed, her voice deadly, which really shouldn't have made his grin grow larger but inexplicably did.

"You love me, Loor," he replied.

And really, what was she supposed to say to that?

He was standing next to Courtney, which bothered her, and she glared at the other girl, something she was sure Bobby noticed. Later she would be justifiably teased but right now she just didn't care because memories of kisses in front of empty lots were clouding her judgment.

And when he turned to leave with the Second Earth girl she just couldn't help it. Mark distracted Courtney, though she couldn't tell if it was intentional or coincidence and she dragged Bobby aside, pushed him up against the wall, and said threateningly, "I love you."

Bobby grinned that wicked, Saint Dane-ish grin and nodded, "I know."

And she kissed him, because she really, really didn't know what to say to that.

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