Once upon a time, there lived a random fangirl... and because he could, Clovis put an idea into her head.
He, who not-so secretly ships LuluSuza, should reform the world of fairy tale.
...And the randomness should prevail!
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Oneshot Title: Snow White
Summary: A son came to her with skin white as snow, lips rosy as blood, and hair as black as ebony wood... and neither mirrors, dwarfs nor animals would be able to escape his charm. The young Prince knew that somewhere up there, someone hated him.
Pairing: LelouchxSuzaku, SuzakuxLelouch - as usually, feel free to change the order to suit your tastes!
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Once upon a time in mid winter, when the snowflakes were falling upon the earth like feathers from heaven, a beautiful Queen sat sewing at her window, whose frame was made of black ebony wood. As she sewed, she looked upon the snow, and in a moment of rare absent-mindedness, it so happened that she pricked her finger with the needle.
Three drops of blood fell down upon the earth and startled the Queen out of her thoughts. How beautiful the red fluid looked on the dazzling white!
"Ah," she sighed. "If only I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and with hair as black as this ebony frame."
Her wish was heard, and soon afterwards, a son came to her with skin white as snow, lips rosy as blood, and hair as black as ebony wood. And when the King saw this, he decided that the boy should be named Little Snow-White.
However, he had not counted on his wife's rather strong opinion on the matter.
"Little Snow-White? Are you serious?"
"I fail to see what you mean, dear."
"Oh yes, I forgot, Charles. I can't expect you to see the problem here. After all, everyone in this land knows that your parents hated you. But listen, while 'Charles' could at least be considered an acceptable name some day in the future, in an era in which dragons and fairies have long since ceased to exist and there is no such thing as magic any more, 'Little Snow-White' is just ridiculous."
She held up a hand when her husband opened his mouth to interrupt her. "No, Charles. I know you have strange tastes, and I will be the first one to admit that your quirks can be very endearing, but I will not let you condemn my first-born child to a future in which he will be ridiculed for something he has no control over. Not to mention that a name like that has 'blushing innocent little lamb' written all over it. He already looks delicate enough as it is – you don't need to give people ideas. Believe me, you don't want to find out what the imaginative minds of oh-so-ingenuous young maidens can do when they detect even the slightest trace of femininity in a boy. And with a name like that, you can bet your sword-arm that they will."
"Surely you are overreacting, Marianne. Take Gabriella's son, for example-"
The Queen stomped her foot. "You will not mention that harlot's name in my house!"
"But you can't deny that young Clovis is very much loved by the people-"
"He is seven, Charles! And I never said they wouldn't love him. I'm afraid they would love him too much."
"Now you're not making any sense, darling."
"I don't care. You will not name my son Little Snow-White!"
The King sighed. "All right. How about... Little Blanche?"
"Name him 'poor little damsel in distress', why don't you? Give it up, Charles! We will call him Lelouch, after my favourite mare, and that's it."
"You have a mare named Lelouch?"
"Had. But yes, I did. People took her for a stallion – she was of impressive build, graceful and black as the sky of a winter night. She also was the most physically pathetic horse I've ever seen. One day I attempted to ride her to town, and that was it. Her heart stopped after barely ten miles."
"And you are accusing me of picking a name that will underline our son's fragile appearance?"
"No one knows about the fate of my mare, or even what she was called. And let's be honest, it's not as if any child of mine could ever be anything but outstanding in sporty activities."
The royal couple laughed.
"Of course you're right, my dear," the King said. "All right, Lelouch it is. But if we have a girl one day, I shall be the one to name her."
Smiling, the gracile Queen wrapped her arms around her broad-shouldered husband. "Let's deal with that when the time comes."
But even if the Queen had indeed lived to give birth to another child, it is doubtful that her spouse would have had any say in the matter. After all, standing up to the gracious yet ruthless Lady Marianne was a feat that not even the bravest and most valiant knight had ever managed to accomplish.
x x x
The King had loved his wife very dearly, and after her death, he became cold and bitter. But because he did not want to remain a widower, he chose to take as his wife the woman that had been his lover long before his first marriage. She, also, was a Queen renowned for her beauty in her homeland, and because no one knew that her only son had been conceived during an act of adultery, her reputation was as flawless as her fair hair and skin. Her original husband had unexpectedly died shortly after the passing of Queen Marianne, and so she was free to accept the widowed King's proposal as soon as he extended it.
In fact, she was incredibly eager to agree considering she was still in mourning, but no one thought anything of it. After all, how could such a lovely woman be anything but pure and gentle?
However, Queen Gabriella was not only beautiful, but also incredibly vain. And so, every morning, she stood in front of her mirror.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall – who is the fairest of them all?"
And every morning, the mirror answered,
"Thou, O Queen, art the fairest here."
And again, no one thought anything of it. Only her biological son was secretly convinced that something must be seriously wrong with the mirror – because beautiful as his mother might be, obviously even she couldn't hold a candle to his handsome face and charming demeanour.
Time passed, and one day, shortly after Lelouch had turned nine, the mirror's reply changed.
"Thou, O Queen, art fair, it's true.
But little Lelouch is still
A thousand times fairer than you."
The Queen, who had always despised her predecessor's child, was furious.
But the mirror's reply remained the same no matter how often she asked it, and her hatred for the young boy grew, until one day, she called upon the palace's huntsman and said, "Take the child away into the woods and kill him, for I can no longer bear the sight of him. And when you return, bring with you his heart, so that I may cook it with salt and eat it."
The huntsman dared not disobey, and so he led Lelouch into the woods and placed an arrow in his bow to pierce his heart. But the young boy's shock soon faded, and he stood proud and defiant in the face of death, reminding the huntsman much of his mother, for whose demise he still blamed himself – because what Queen Gabriella did not know was that Jeremiah Gottwald had been part of Lady Marianne's personal guard, and had sworn loyalty to her till death and beyond.
When he told this to the boy, the young Prince was surprised, but quickly suggested that the huntsman let him go and take to the Queen the heart of the half-rotten boar that lay not far from them, claiming that she was a stupid cow and wouldn't know the difference.
The huntsman agreed, reluctant to leave the boy behind in the forest, but seeing no other way. Before he returned to the castle, however, he pledged his allegiance to the Prince.
x x x
Lelouch wandered through the forest for many days, breaking down every half an hour or so, much like his namesake would have. Had he known that his mother had named him after a flagging horse, he might not have been so saddened by her death, and as he hurried through the bushes and thorns, he decided that when he became King one day, he would eradicate all hills from the face of earth. He also swore bloody vengeance on the wretched woman who was making him unnecessarily exert himself.
Eventually, the young Prince reached a small house, and because he had never been the most polite young Prince, he decided to make himself comfortable in it even if its occupants weren't at home. It was their own fault for leaving the door wide open for any riff-raff – or tired royalty – to enter.
Inside the little house, everything was tiny, but more messy than words can tell.
And so, when Lelouch had eaten from one of the seven tiny little plates on the plain wooden table, and drunk from one of the seven tiny little cups, he cleaned the house, disgusted that anyone could live under such appalling conditions, before lying down in the largest of the seven little beds to catch some well-earned sleep.
When night fell, the masters of the house returned. They were seven dwarfs, who worked with pick-axes and spades, searching for copper and gold in the heart of the mountains.
They lit their seven little candles and saw that someone had been to visit them.
"What the hell?" the first of the dwarfs exclaimed. "Who has been sitting on my chair, eating from my plate, taking my bread, using my fork, cutting with my knife, drinking out of my goblet and looking through my underwear?"
"Errr," the second dwarf said. "I don't know about the rest, but the last one was me. I kind of wanted to know what colour it w-"
"WHAT?"
"Don't kill him, Kallen!" a small dark-haired male intervened. "You know how Gino is. He's... not quite right up there."
"What?" The second dwarf, Gino, exclaimed indignantly.
One of the others punched him in the rips. "Shut up. Can't you see Ougi is trying to save your life here?"
Gino rubbed his bruised side. "Fine, but you didn't have to hit me. Geez, Tamaki! You're-"
"Hm... interesting," a female voice interrupted. "Someone has taken a look at my notes."
"Can't you think about anything but that damned alchemy of yours?"
"I wonder if they managed to learn anything from them...," the female dwarf continued.
"Is she ignoring Tamaki again?"
"Rakshata really knows how to get under his skin."
"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!"
A cough. Everyone turned to the sixth dwarf. "What is it, Toudou?"
"Maybe we should make sure that the intruder really is gone?" the dwarf named Toudou suggested.
The first five dwarfs stared. The seventh nodded. "You're right. I don't know why we didn't think of that earlier. We must be stupid for bickering like children in a situation like this"
"Did Chiba just insult us?" Tamaki whispered.
"It sounded like it," Gino confirmed.
They searched the house, but didn't find anyone, and concluding that the stranger mus have left again after helping himself to a warm meal and something to drink, they prepared to go to bed and forget about the incident.
"I don't believe it!" Kallen suddenly exclaimed. "Who had the nerve to sleep in my bed?"
"That would be me." Everyone whirled around to stare at the beautiful young boy that had appeared right behind them out of nowhere.
Kallen was the first to recover. "And just who would you be?"
"My name is Lelouch," the boy curtly introduced himself. "And you are the loudest bunch of idiots I have ever encountered."
"Hey!" Gino protested.
Tamaki, however, didn't even hear the insult. "Lelouch?" he asked. "That's a stupid name. Why not 'Little Snow-White'? It sounds much cuter!"
"Don't be ridiculous, dwarf. I am not 'cute', and I have no intention of pretending otherwise."
"Of course you're cute," Gino said. "Hell, if you were a bit older-"
"I'm not cute!" the boy repeated angrily.
"He's not cute!" Kallen shouted at the same time.
Gino blinked. "Of course you're still much more my type," he told the girl-dwarf in a soothing voice. "And I'm sure you're much better in-" He spent the rest of the night in a dark corner, out cold.
"Now, back to you!" Kallen said and stared down at Lelouch from her little bed. The boy gulped. "I should kill you for touching my things! But since you cleaned up the stuff those pigs have been letting lie about everywhere, I will let you live... under the condition that you stay and become our servant!"
The boy spluttered. "I'm a Prince! I can't be the servant of a bunch of dwarfs!"
Kallen blinked. "A Prince?"
And so Lelouch told them what had happened to him. He didn't want their pity, but having this crazy woman on his case was even worse.
"I see," Kallen eventually said. Her eyes had softened, and Lelouch hid a smirk. "Well, I suppose we can keep you as our pet instead. I wanted a dog when I was your age, but Ougi is allergic to them."
"Your pet?" Why did he always get the mad ones, anyway?
"I think that's a great idea!" Ougi said, and without asking Lelouch's opinion on the matter, they all went to bed. Kallen dragged the boy with her and made him sleep at the other end of the mattress.
Since Lelouch wasn't suicidal, he didn't protest, but he thought that the bed hadn't been big enough for that only half an hour ago. He was sure that somewhere up there, someone hated him.
Had he asked them, Milly would have said it was all in good fun.
The next day, the seven little dwarfs got up early to go working in the mountains, and Lelouch stayed behind. Because he didn't have anything better to do, and since he had always been hopelessly obsessive that way, he cleaned their little rooms and clothes and prepared dinner for everyone. For even though Lelouch was a Prince and had lived in a palace, he had made sure to teach himself those useful things and therefore knew how to take care of a house.
When the dwarfs returned and saw this, they were immensely happy, and Kallen even went so far as to give the boy a treat. Lelouch thought it was better than having her strangle him, so he obediently took the cookie and kept his thoughts to himself.
On the following morning, Toudou told Lelouch not to let anyone into the house. "For," he said, "your stepmother will soon discover that you are living here."
Lelouch didn't inquire as to whether he took him for an idiot.
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At the palace, the Queen, of course believing Lelouch dead and that she therefore was the most beautiful person in the land again, went to her mirror and asked,
"Mirror, mirror on the wall – who is the fairest of them all?"
And the mirror answered,
"Thou, O Queen, art the fairest here."
The Queen smiled, but the mirror continued,
"But little Lelouch is fairer far to see.
Over the hills and far away,
He dwells with the seven dwarfs to-day."
The Queen's shriek of anger could be heard throughout the whole castle.
And because she was so furious, she let the huntsman be thrown into the darkest dungeon and spoke to her son, "You will cross the hills and go to where Lelouch is hiding. Then you will choke him with one of these silken laces, and I shall be the fairest once again!"
"But mother," the young man in front of her said, "you know I hate these kinds of errants. They are so tiresome. And besides, I always rather liked Lelouch-"
"You what?" The Prince winced at the shrill tone.
"Well, he is an arrogant little pest, but don't you think it's kind of cute how he tries to be all serious and grown up all the time?"
"No, I don't!" The Queen screeched. "And if you don't make sure that he will never be 'all grown up', I will cut off your hair and feed it to the mirror! I will disown you, cook you in milk and give you to the cats! I will rip of your toe nails and sell them to my occultist friends! I will-"
"Mother!" her son exclaimed, horrified. "Don't you think you are taking this a little to-"
"Too what, Clovis? Say it! Say it! 'Too far'? You, with all your dramatic little speeches and merry little festivities, never worrying about a thing in the world! How could you possibly understand my suffering? Do you call that being a good son? Do you?"
The Prince blinked. "Are you saying I should become a wretched bitter witch, too, just so that you have someone to exchange potion recipes with?"
"Yes!"
"Well... that's a very interesting... errr... I'll think about it? Just... stay away from my hair, yes?"
"If you please me as a good son should by getting rid of that vile little pest!"
Clovis sighed resignedly. "Give me the laces."
His mother smiled brilliantly at him. "Ah, you're such a good child. Not at all like that harlot's spawn." She handed the bodice laces to him and hugged him warmly. "But now I really have to go. Don't dirty your hands, all right, darling? Just choke the little beast. We wouldn't want to ruin those fine clothes, would we?"
"No, mother," Clovis agreed dutifully and watched the Queen leave.
"Well," he said when his mother had stepped out of the door, and looked at the laces in his hands. "I suppose I'm sorry, little brother, but it's not like we had to do much with each other in the first place." He shrugged. "My hair is at stake here."
His eyes fell upon the mirror.
Ah, yes, his beautiful, beautiful hair...
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"What is an old hag doing here?"
Clovis almost hit him – almost.
But he pulled himself together. When this was over, he would return to the palace, where people actually knew the meaning of the word 'decorum'. Then he could forget about this unpleasant episode altogether, and never again be tempted to kick in a door and throttle the person inside like some kind of common criminal.
"Open up, open up!" he called back in a voice both scratchy and kind, trying very hard not to feel ridiculous. "I am the old pedlar-woman with good wares for sale!"
Lelouch's expression was anything but amiable. "We don't buy anything."
Clovis balled his fists.
"But look!" He held up some of the laces and a few pieces of jewellery for his younger half-brother to examine through the small window. "Silken laces in every colour!"
"I don't care." The little brat actually had the nerve to turn his back on him.
Clovis bristled.
Taking a deep breath, he decided to change tactics, "For every piece you buy, you get a chess set gratis!"
His brother froze.
Clovis smirked. Got you.
"A chess set?"
"Oh yes, a wonderful chess set of the finest quality! My grandson makes them, and he is very talented, if I may say so myself. Why, they say his works are worthy of the King himself!"
He was inside the house before he could blink.
"All right," Lelouch said. "I'll buy one."
"Ah, not so hasty, young man. They are not for sell, but gifts for my customers."
Lelouch huffed. "Fine, then give me one of your stupid laces."
"Respect your elders, boy." Lelouch gave him a sour look. "Now, come here and I shall show you how to handle these laces properly."
"I already know-"
"Do you want a chess set or not?"
"Fine!" Lelouch spat. "Just hurry up, will you?"
God, for all that he behaved as if there was a stick stuck up a place it didn't belong, his little brother could really act like the spoiled little brat he was supposed to be...
But it was kind of cute.
When Lelouch grudgingly turned around to let him apply one of the laces, Clovis felt incredibly bad for what he was about to do.
Then he remembered that his hair was in danger of being fed to a mirror with no sense for true beauty, and the moment passed.
He choked his brother.
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When the dwarfs returned, they were most bewildered to find their young charge – or servant, depending on whom you asked – lying on the floor, lifeless.
As Ougi and Gino broke down in tears and Tamaki pretended not to be equally affected, Chiba sympathetically offered them a handkerchief.
"Well, it's not like I will miss the brat," said Kallen in an attempt to sound callous, but she wasn't very convincing, so Chiba handed her a handkerchief, too.
"Hm... interesting."
"Rakshata!" Kallen cried, both incredulous and indignant. "What are you doing? Stop poking him!"
"These laces..."
"He was choked to death," Toudou confirmed.
"I'd like to take a closer look at them." And with that, Rakshata cut the silken cord.
Lelouch gasped.
As the boy got up and brushed the dirt off his clothes, an angry look on his face and a murderous glint in his eyes, everyone stared at him.
Well, everyone but Rakshata. "Interesting," the female dwarf noted. "Biologically, this should be impossible."
And because Kallen threatened to cut his second life short, Lelouch told them what had happened.
"The pedlar-woman was certainly the wicked Queen," Toudou declared. "Now, take care in the future that you open the door to none when we are not with you."
"She wasn't."
Toudou blinked. "What?"
"The old pedlar-woman. She wasn't the Queen."
"How do you know that?"
Lelouch reached for the lace that had almost cost him his life. "It's pink. The Queen would never have picked the pink one to kill me with."
Toudou blinked again. "And why is that?"
"Because she's nuts, but not that nuts. I only know two people with taste this bad, and one of them hasn't left his castle since my mother's death, while the other would never risk ruining his clothes by coming all the way out here."
"Maybe the Queen threatened them?"
"Believe me, there'd have to be something more at stake than just his life for that idiot to forget about his vanity and venture into a forest."
"He sounds worse than you," Tamaki noted, a note of awe in his voice.
"What is that supposed to mean? I'm not a narcissistic idiot!"
"No, but you're wearing a cute little maid costume," Gino pointed out.
"That's her fault!"
Everyone looked at Kallen.
"What? It was the only thing that fit him."
"Where did you get it, anyway?"
Kallen shrugged. "Just appeared in the closet one morning."
Somewhere up there, Milly grinned.
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"Mirror, mirror on the wall – who is the fairest of them all?"
"Thou, O Queen, art the fairest here." Queen Gabriella was about to start cackling madly when the mirror continued,
"But little Lelouch is fairer far to see.
Over the hills and far away,
He dwells with the seven dwarfs to-day."
"Clovis!" The Queen screeched.
"Mother, I'm standing right behind you. Please do not cause irreversible damage to my ears."
"You were supposed to kill him!"
"I did. And he was dead. It's not my fault he's too stubborn to remain that way."
"Keep your excuses to yourself! You will go there again, and this time, you will do it right!"
"Do you really think the same trick would work twice? Lelouch may be an annoying little pest, but he's not an idiot."
"That's why this time, you will take a comb!"
"I see a fault in your logic there."
"Don't get smart on me, boy! Here-" she pressed a beautiful golden comb into his hands "- I planned to use it to get rid of you should you ever grow to be more beautiful than me, but obviously, this matter is more pressing."
"Did you hear that? I think that was the sound of my heart breaking."
"Oh, spare me your theatrics! And anyway, I always knew you'd never surpass me – it was just paranoia."
"Ah, and there follows my self-esteem."
"Ha. That's about as likely as the sudden evaporation of my evilness. Give it up, Clovis, not even the maids would believe that."
"Ah, but mother," Clovis flashed the woman a charming smile, "when I'm done with them, they will happily believe everything I tell them."
"Well, they'll have to do a few nights without you now, won't they?"
"It seems that way, yes."
"Such a good boy." The Queen smiled at him.
Clovis smiled back, honestly glad that those mood swings weren't hereditary.
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"Sorry, we're not that desperate."
Clovis reminded himself that he would kill him, just not immediately.
He forced a smile. "Pardon?"
"Go back to whatever town it is you came from. No one here requires your... services."
Not yet... not yet... not yet...
"Excuse me, young Sir, but I'm afraid this is a misunderstanding. I'm not that kind of woman."
Lelouch raised a brow. "Then why are you dressed like that?"
"This," Clovis pressed out, "is the newest fashion, young Sir."
"It's a good thing I never had any faith in humanity to begin with, or I would just have been greatly disillusioned."
"Well...," Clovis said, trying very hard not to sound as if he wanted to kill something. "Do you need a comb, young Sir? Maybe this exquisite golden one?" He held the item up for his brother to see.
Lelouch clearly wasn't impressed. "No."
Clovis smiled. This was where his mother's bad taste came in handy. "Ah, that's too bad. They say this comb used to belong to this Kingdom's former Queen."
Lelouch's expression changed as he looked at the comb more closely. "That's-... how did you..."
Clovis just kept smiling. "I take it you are interested?"
And so, he once again found himself inside the little house.
Lelouch stretched out his hand. "Give it to me."
"Alas," Clovis said dramatically, "it pains me that I have to part from this beautiful comb so soon. At least let me comb your hair with it in the newest fashion - afterwards, I shall happily sell it to you."
Without giving the boy the time to reply, he pulled him into his lap.
"It's like silk," he noted when he ran a hand through the soft raven hair.
"Just hurry up!" Obviously, Lelouch wasn't very happy with the sitting arrangements.
A fond smile tugged at the edge of Clovis' lips, but he immediately caught himself and stifled it. This was definitely the wrong time to get attached – like back when he had been Lelouch's age and found that wounded cat. Convinced it would get better if he took care of it, it had been a huge disappointment when it had died anyway just a few days later.
He really should know better.
And so, he took the comb and did what he had come to do the little house to do. The moment the small item made contact with Lelouch's scalp, the boy dropped dead.
Clovis got up and, with a small sigh, gently lowered his little brother's lifeless form to the ground.
It was a shame, really. But this was for a good cause.
.
Fortunately, the dwarfs returned soon after the wicked Queen's son had left, and when they found Lelouch lying motionlessly on the floor, they hurried to find what was wrong. When they finally spotted the golden comb, they didn't hesitate to pull it out, and indeed, as soon as it was gone, the boy sat up.
"Isn't it Toudou who should perform the miracles?" Rakshata asked.
Tamaki nodded thoughtfully. "Next time, we will let him initiate the resurrection!"
"There will not be a next time!" Lelouch and Kallen shouted at the same time.
No one paid them any mind.
.
When Clovis returned, the Queen went straight to her chambers.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall – who is the fairest of them all?"
"Thou, O Queen, art the fairest here," the mirror told the wretched woman, who held her breath.
Then it continued,
"But little Lelouch is fairer far to see.
Over the hills and far away,
He dwells with the seven dwarfs to-day."
"Clovis!"
Clovis sighed. "I'm here, mother."
"How can a son of mine be this incompetent! I've had enough! This time, even you can't get it wrong – I prepared this just in case." She held a harmless looking apple out to him, and Clovis took it with trepidation. "The white half is untouched and shall serve you to convince the little beast of your good intentions. The red one is laced with a poison so deadly that even that creature won't get up again after eating it."
"Tricky."
"Yes, isn't it? Now hurry, darling - lest you miss that ball you wanted to attend."
.
In retrospect, the idea to disguise himself as a poor peasant girl hadn't been so great after all.
"I'm sorry, but we don't do charity."
"I'm not here for charity!" Clovis told the insolent boy. "I came to sell these delicious apples-"
"No offence, but when was the last time you washed your hands?" Clovis opened his mouth, but then wondered whether commoners washed their hands at all and closed it again. "Thought so. I'm afraid I must decline."
"But... but... at least let me come in to show them to you?"
"I don't think so."
"...Your mind is made up, isn't it?"
"Yes."
And so, Clovis threw in the window like some kind of common criminal and force-fed his brother the apple.
This time, he didn't feel guilty.
For one, Lelouch was an annoying little brat.
Also, staying dead seemed to be as impossible for the boy as losing a chess match. Clovis had no doubt he would be back.
x x x
When the dwarfs came home in the evening, they found Lelouch lying on the ground, and there came no breath out of his mouth, and he was quite dead. They lifted him up, sought if anything poisonous was to be found, cut his laces, combed his hair, washed him with water and with wine, but all was of no avail, the poor child was dead, and remained dead. So they laid him on a bier, and sat, all seven of them, round it, and wept and lamented for seven days, only living of bread and wine the whole time.
"I was just beginning to like the little asshole," Kallen admitted at one point, when she was so drunk she counted twelve as she looked at her companions.
Not even Rakshata had the heart to ruin the mood - or maybe she just was too busy examining the fragrance of the wine.
When the time came that the Prince should be laid in the ground, they could not bear to part from him. His pretty cheeks were still rosy red, and he looked as though he were still living.
"We cannot hide him away in the dark earth," Kallen said, and everyone agreed. So they made a transparent coffin of shining crystal and laid him in it. Then they placed it upon the mountain-top, and in turns watched besides it.
And all the animals came and wept for Lelouch; first an owl, then a raven, and then a little dove. They all had been waiting for him to grow old enough to make lusting after him legitimate - after all, even birds want to have their fun.
For a long, long time little Lelouch lay in the coffin, but his form did not wither; he only looked as though he slept, for he was still as white as snow, as red as blood, and his hair as black as ebony. In fact, as the years passed, he, too, seemed to grow older inside the casket, much to the birds' delight.
Now it chanced that a renowned Knight got lost inside the forest, and when he came by the dwarfs' house and saw the coffin upon the mountain-top, the beautiful Prince lying in it as though he was sleeping, he could not seem to be able to take his eyes off of him.
"Who is he?" he asked, his breath almost catching in his throat.
"Lelouch," replied the blond dwarf besides him. "A King's son."
The Knight could not believe that the Prince inside the casket was dead, so beautiful was he.
And he said, "If you will but let me have this coffin, you may ask of me what you will, and if it is in my power, I shall give it to you."
But the dwarf answered, "We would not sell it for all the gold in the world."
"Then let me have it as a gift," said the Knight, who possessed a very strange kind of logic, "I pray you, for I can no longer live without seeing the Prince. Give me this coffin, and I shall prize it as the dearest of my possessions."
The dwarf was at a loss for words, overwhelmed by the sincerity in the Knight's words and gaze.
"If you want to see him so badly," a voice suddenly came from the trees, "why don't you stay here?" They whirled around, and watched the red-haired girl dwarf enter the clearing. "We could use a new servant."
"Forgive me," said the Knight, lowering his head, "but that's impossible. There are people who need me – I can not abandon them, no matter how much I feel I will not be able to live with myself if I walk away now." The female dwarf snorted, but she couldn't help but soften when the Knight added, "Please", in a voice so full of despair that no one could have denied his obvious plight.
"Fine, take him – I will tell it to the others. But I warn you: if you don't honour our gift, the next person who will find himself inside a coffin will be you. And it won't be nearly as pretty as this one, that much I can promise."
But the Knight was not at all put off by her harsh words. In fact, he smiled at her so brilliantly that the dwarf almost blushed. "Thank you."
The dwarf looked away. "Don't thank me. I don't know what anyone could want with a corpse."
Somewhere up there, Milly giggled in answer to the question. The birds happily chirped along.
.
At night, with permission of the dwarfs, the Knight opened the coffin and lifted the Prince into his arms. He was so light and delicate, almost like a woman.
The Knight smiled, partly sad, partly wistful. The beautiful boy must have been a very kind and gentle person when he was alive.
He carried him all the way over the seven hills, but before they were half-way through the forest, the Knight had to rescue an especially attractive dragon from a horde of hormonal teenage Princesses. This happened often and was in itself not worth mentioning, but when he drove his sword into the blood-thirsty creatures, he lost his hold on the Prince in his arms.
When Lelouch hit the ground with a loud thumb, the piece of poisonous apple that had lodged in his throat fell out again, so that he opened his eyes and sat up, alive once more.
"Where am I?" he asked.
The Knight was both startled and happy beyond words. "You are with me, your Highness," he eventually answered.
"I figured as much. And who, pray tell, are you?"
"My name is Suzaku Kururugi, your Highness." And the Knight told the Prince what had happened.
"All right, so let me get this straight: After being force-fed some disgusting fruit that might or might not have been full of germs and worms, I find myself at least half a decade in the future, in the middle of the same old godforsaken forest in which everything is out to kill me, with a Knight who asks people to gift him with corpses. Do you really expect me to burst with joy?"
"Well, put like that..."
"Exactly. Now, what are those women doing there?"
Suzaku followed Lelouch's gaze. "Oh, those? Well, they are hormonal teenage Princesses I just temporarily disabled to save some poor little dragon. You know, I'm not a violent man, but sometimes I really wish you could actually kill them with a mere sword."
"I know that feeling," Lelouch said and got up, looking his clothes over. "At least the moths didn't get to me. Now, are you planning to stand around here all day, or do we have an actual destination?"
"Actually, I think we're somewhat lost at the moment..."
"Great," Lelouch said. "Exchange seven idiots for an even bigger one."
"I'm sorry. But maybe we could light a fire-"
"So that the Queen's men stumble upon us while we are asleep?" Lelouch cut him off. "Now why didn't I think of that? It's a great plan! Maybe we should draw a target sign on my back while we're at it?"
Oh yes, Suzaku's mental images of a gentle, kind Prince who was as tender and modest as his beautiful sleeping face suggested died a quick, gruesome death.
.
"So... your evil stepmother has been trying to kill you ever since you were a small child?"
"Yes."
"That must suck."
"It does," the Prince confirmed. "And you? Do you have to deal with hormonal teenage Princesses often?"
"Every second day."
"If I had a heart, I'd pity you."
"What do you mean, 'if I had a heart'?"
"Come on. Do I look like a good, sympathetic person to you?"
"Yes." The Prince snorted, and Suzaku continued, "You just hide it very well."
"And how would you know that?"
The Knight smiled brilliantly at him. "I just do."
Lelouch snorted. "Idiot," he said, but averted his eyes from those much too green ones to watch the flames. When he had realized that it was winter, he had decided that being found by the Queen was better than freezing to death.
An hour passed.
"Is that a cat?"
Suzaku turned around. "Oh," he said and picked the small animal up. "This is Arthur. He's been following me around for a while no- ouch."
Lelouch regarded the cat suspiciously. "And you're sure it doesn't carry some kind of deadly disease?"
"Completely sure. He just likes to... ouch... bite me, that's all."
"Hm..." Lelouch said and reached out to take the cat from him. "I think I like him."
Suzaku eyed the Prince out of the corner of his eyes. "Why do I get the feeling that this was meant as a jab?"
Lelouch shrugged his shoulder languidly. "Maybe because you're not as much of an idiot as I thought you were. But probably just a lucky guess." He patted the cat, and it rubbed its head against his hand, purring contently.
Suzaku shot the animal a sour look. "Traitor."
"Don't blame him. He just prefers sophisticated company."
When Lelouch eventually fell asleep, he did so with Arthur curled up next to him, and Suzaku thought they made a cute picture together.
He changed his mind, though, when he reached out to pull the covers over the Prince and almost lost a finger to a bad-tempered cat.
.
They wandered through the forest for many days, until they found their way out and reached what turned out to be the estate of Suzaku's only remaining family member.
When young Lady Kaguya heard what had happened, she came up with a plan only a hormonal teenage girl can come up with to put an end to the wicked Queen. Even Lelouch's genius was no match for the lecherous maiden.
And so the Prince and the Knight married, and the wedding was celebrated with great splendour and magnificence.
Lelouch's wicked stepmother was bidden to the feast, and when she had arrayed herself in her most beautiful garments, she stood before her mirror and asked,
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"
And the mirror answered,
"Thou, O Queen, art fair, it's true.
But Sir Kururugi's spouse is still
A thousand times fairer than you."
Oh! How angry the evil woman was – so mad that she scarcely knew what to do. At first she thought she would not go to the wedding at all, but then she realized that she would not be able to rest until she had seen the mysterious stranger who supposedly outshone her beauty, and she grabbed her son and dragged him with her so that he may get rid of this nuisance for her, too.
No sooner did she enter the palace than she recognized the late Lady Marianne's son, and could not move for terror - for Lelouch was vengeful, and threw her to the hormonal teenage Princesses, who turned out to not be very picky. It was an encounter the wretched Queen did not survive.
Her son ignored her agonized screams, patted his little brother and the Knight on the head with a much too happy smile on his face and went home. No one tried to stop him, or asked him any questions, for they had an inkling they did not want to hear the answer.
.
"So...," Lelouch said.
"So..."
"This is our wedding night."
"Aa."
"So..."
"So..."
"Well..."
"Yeah..."
"Have you fed Arthur yet?"
"Yes, just before the feast started."
"I see..."
"So..."
"So..."
"Now that you mention it," Suzaku said quickly, "I think I should make sure the hormonal teenage Princesses didn't get to him." With that, he fled the room.
Lelouch swore to get back at Kaguya for the highly annoying sleeping arrangements.
'Credibility' his ass.
.
At the palace, the poor huntsman hadn't taken the long time of imprisonment very well and was now convinced his name was 'Orange'.
Clovis had released him with a pitying sigh and a roll of his eyes and gone to pack his things. Tired of the politics already, he had decided to marry some beautiful Princess and leave all the unpleasant stuff to his little brother – besides, if Lelouch decided to return some day, which he doubtlessly would seeing how he was an annoying little brat, there was no doubt their father would declare him his heir again, and Clovis would have to leave anyway.
As the blond Prince took the mirror off the wall, he was greatly surprised to find a beautiful young woman behind it.
"Errr," he said.
Golden eyes stared at him unblinkingly.
"Who are you?"
"The voice behind the mirror, of course."
"Of course," Clovis said.
"What?" the woman asked mockingly. "Did you really think an inanimate object could talk?"
"Well...I always thought it was one of these 'wretched bitter witch' things."
"That's sad," the woman said in a deadpan.
"You know, I think I'm going to put the mirror back over you."
"Too late." He stared as the woman shook her long green hair and stepped out of the wall. "I thought this was amusing, but that was before I knew the Queen didn't feed her mirrors pizza. I never liked your mother."
"Well... wait! If you're the voice behind the mirror, then it's you who disregarded my beauty this whole time!"
The woman simply shrugged. "I never liked your mother, but I dislike you even more," she said matter-of-factly. "I know that you hate pizza."
"You know that I... That's it? That's it?"
"Yes." The woman looked around idly. "Now, where is the cuisine?"
"That's... that's it?"
The woman sighed. "You really have a family full of morons," she murmured as she went to help herself, "...Marianne."
.
"Are you happy?"
Lelouch, who had been standing on the balcony of the palace he had been born in, absent-mindedly watching the snowflakes float to the ground in a beautiful dance, turned around. "What?"
"Are you happy?" Suzaku repeated, coming to a halt next to him and resting his arms on the balustrade made of ebony wood.
"I...," Lelouch said. "I suppose."
"Even if we can't cancel the marriage without causing an uproar?"
The Prince shrugged. "It's not so bad."
Suzaku smiled at him. "I'm glad."
Lelouch snorted, turning back to watching the snowflakes. "Idiot," he said.
But there was a fondness in his voice that hadn't been there before.
X X X
That night, Suzaku learned that Lelouch had more talents than just his quick mind and haughty demeanour.
Very delicious talents.
.
He decided to let him cook more often.