The scent of months worth of moldy lasagna and body odor filled the basement of John's house. Garfield had been there for half a year marathoning the entirety of One Piece. At first John didn't even notice Garfield was gone since he is such an irresponsible pet owner and was probably trying to fuck the vet.
But after half a year John noticed the smell coming from his basement and decided to investigate. He entered his basement and suppressed the urge to vomit, the smell was so strong. All of the lights were off and the only thing illuminating the room was a T.V. with One Piece on.
John walked towards the couch, a pit forming in his stomach as he imagined the horrors that could be on the other side. He slowly peered around the corner and saw Garfield with his eyes rolled into the back of his head completely unconscious and covered in lasagna so old it was alive.
John turned on the lights and the lasagna screeched and flew at John, he whipped out his nunchucks and started beating the shit out of the sentient lasagna that was attacking him. The lasagna was strong since it had been slowly absorbing Garfield's life energy through skin contact for some time now, it was most likely the reason he was unconscious.
The lasagna wasn't going down without a fight and it bit John's arm and stated absorbing his energy, John tried to knock it off with the nunchucks but he wouldn't budge. But everybody knows that John always keeps a syringe filled with a rare strain of fast acting Elephantiasis and he injected it directly into the Lasagna's large ballsack.
As expected the disease worked almost instantly as the sack swelled 7 times the normal size, the sudden increase in weight was too much for the lasagna to handle and it fell off of John's arm and writhed on the ground in pain. The worst was yet to come however, the lasagna let out one final unholy scream as his testicles exploded and he died from the pain.
John laying on the ground panting heavily trying to catch his breath, after a few minutes he recovered and and noticed his huge erection "Man, exercise always makes me so horny!" he said, he wondered how he could relive this tension and then he saw Garfield's unconscious body "Of course!" he said, he picked up garfield and took him to the vet 'If I bring garfield to the vet it will show Liz (that's the vet's name) how great of a person I am and she will want to suck me off!' he thought.
John brought Garfield to Liz with a proud and triumphant smirk on his face "JESUS CHRIST!" she screamed as she saw the state that Garfield was in, she took him and ran to the operating room, several other Doctors were seen running into the room. "Hmm, I wonder what they are all upset about?" John said to himself.
After literally hours of waiting Liz exited the room and approached John "So Liz, how about we go out sometime?" asked John "Hell no John, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're cat is dying and you're asking me out on a date? You can't even treat an animal right, why would I expect you to be able to do the same for a human? You clearly cannot have a functioning relationship John." said Liz "Garfield is in a coma, we don't know when he will wake up. It's up to you, we can euthanize him if you want, or we can keep him alive, it will be expensive though."
'Hmmm, if Garfield is in a coma I can come and visit him, that way I have an excuse to see Liz whenever I want!' John thought "I'd like to keep him alive, see if he wakes up, it's too soon to make final calls right now." said John "Okay" said Liz. And so for about one month John periodically "visited Garfield" and talked up Liz so he could get laid, unsuccessfully of course.
But it was at the end of that month that a miracle happened, Garfield woke up. The fat cat sat up in the hospital bed and pulled all off the cords and tubes connected to him, he looked around the room confused "Where am I?" he said "Listen John" said Liz "Garfield has some sort of amnesia… The doctors determined that he had been unconscious for several months before you brought him here, any external stimuli around him during that time could have had a serious effect on him."
"I'm sure he'll be fine, let's get dinner sometime!" said John. Just then he was punched in the face by Garfield "GUM GUM PISTOL!" he shouted before running naruto style out of the room "I have to find the others." he said "Ow! What the heck was that?" asked John, he turned to see Liz talking to someone on the phone "I've contacted animal control, we are going to find him." she said to John "Oh, okay?" said John who honestly didn't give a shit about Garfield.
Garfield was running through the streets 'What is this place, where am I? What happened to my friends?' he thought to himself. A large vehicle drove in front of him and several animal control workers got out of it, they were carrying nets and tranquilizer guns and they slowly and cautiously approached Garfield. You may think the tranquilizer guns are a bit excessive, but you underestimate Garfield's power.
"Second gear!" he yelled, before running towards the men, his threw his arm backwards and then propelled it forward, his huge wind up punch hit one of the workers in the junk, so it was actually sort of effective. "Nani?" said garfield in confusion "Why aren't my powers working?" "Hey, listen up furball! You better surrender or else!" said one of the animal control workers.
But he had angered the god, Garfield started punching him really fast, his punches were too weak to actually hurt him, but the man was so shocked that he fell over backwards and hit his head. Garfield ran away yet again. It had been 3 days and no one had been able to capture Garfield, animal control was forced to abandon the job as the military stepped in, garfield had killed hundreds of Animal control workers and police officers in a very short amount of time.
The search for him had begun and martial law was instituted in the town. "John, we need to find Garfield before they do" said Liz "I know Garfield isn't like this, we can help him! I truly care about him, we can't let them kill him!" "Okay, let's go find him." John responded, thinking that this might be a good way to get on her good side.
As it turns out Liz was a huge advocate of the second amendment and possessed military grade weaponry and equipment that was definitely not legal to own. She and John geared up and started looking for Garfield, it wasn't long before they found him. He was in the alleyway behind Fazoli's trying to chop boards in half and he was dressed in a children's pirate costume.
"Garfield, it's me John, I know you're confused right now but we know each other… it's time to give up, it's over." said John "J-John?" said Garfield, a look of anguish appeared on his face "W-Why can't I remember?" he asked. John walked over to him and pulled garfield into an embrace, trying to comfort him.
Garfield started to calm down after a few minutes, but as soon as Garfield finally lowered his guard John put his arm around his neck and put a knife up to his throat. "John what are you doing?!" asked Liz "If you don't go out with me I will kill Garfield!" said John "A knife can't cut me! I am the king of the pirates!" said Garfield, but John pressed the knife a little harder, drawing blood and Garfield started struggling to get away, he was not strong enough though.
"John you're insane? How can you expect me to love you after this?" said Liz, tears welled up in johns eyes "Dammit Liz I will fucking do it! Do you love me or not?" asked John in a deranged voice. Liz saw that horrified expression on Garfield's face
"I-I love you John." she said reluctantly in order to save Garfield "Come on put your heart into it! I didn't go through all of this to hear a half assed response!" said John, Liz gulped "I LOVE YOU!" she exclaimed with the most emotion she could muster "That's more like it" said John, releasing Garfield, "Now we can finally-" BANG! Liz shot John in the head the second garfield was safe.
Garfield and Liz ran to each other and embraced, the nightmare was finally over. Liz finally understood why she wanted to save Garfield, she loved him. It took her her whole life to realize it, but she was attracted to animals, that's why she became a vet, her subconscious was leading her to this path all along.
Garfield felt the same way, after that close encounter with death he remembered everything, and after Liz saved him he realized just how much he cared about her. "Garfield, let's just run away, we can't stay here in this town" she said "Yeah, that sounds nice" said Garfield.
That night the two of them moved far away, they would eventually get married, they tried to conceive children but unfortunately it was not biologically possible. 7 years after they left Garfield was found by the military and was tried and found guilty of the biggest mass murder in history. While Liz was initially heartbroken, she found love again, with Odie, John's dog.
The End