Why are you acting like such a...a...a...ughh a vampire Edward? I turned my back to him and considered briefly his point of view. I understand that I am a human and he is not. He has made that point painfully clear to me. I understand that he wants to get married and he is unwilling to change me until such time that I agree to get married or take it up with Carlisle. He knew that I wanted that change to be something between he and I, so really, what was my problem? I was willing to spend eternity with this man who I love more than anyone should ever love anything, I was willing to trade my soul, so Edward says, but unwilling to say "I do"? Something really was wrong with me. I dreamed, everyday, of the moment when Edward could kiss me and not have to pull away, to make love to me, hell to screw me with wild abandon like other people our ages were doing. It was frustrating to love someone who always thought they were going to kill you.
"What?" Edward turned from my bedroom window at the same instant that the sun decided to peek through the overcast sky and it illuminated his face throwing prisms all around my room. I would never get over his beauty. What had I ever done to deserve such a prize?
"I was thinking to myself, about your stipulations and I am ready to do it." Edward was taken aback, his golden eyes constricted, confused and scared they pierced through me. He didn't know what to do, for the first time in our relationship I had stumped him. " I am ready to take the plunge. There are so many things in my life that are unknown, it is unknown when Victoria will come to kill me, it is unknown when Jacob will decide that he can't deal anymore and it is unknown when the Volturri will decide it's been long enough. The one thing, the only thing that is known is that there is nothing that I want more than to be with you. There is nobody more important to me than you, I love you and so why not, let's do it."
"Now? You are ready to trade your family, your friends, your life for me? Now?" He was angry or maybe surprised. I couldn't tell.
"Yes, tonight, tomorrow, as soon as we can, I am ready." I started packing a bag to prove my commitment and when I turned to add more proof of my apparent insanity, he was gone, the curtain slightly blowing from the abruptness of his exit. I knew that he would come back and try to convince me that the time was not right, that I needed to wait, if not for me then for Charlie. I sat on the edge of my bed and pondered. There were so many things in my life right now that were good, but only because Edward was in it. Victoria was on a mission to destroy me and I was terrified of her. I could only internalize her pain and anger at Edward and his family killing her mate as if someone had done it to Edward and I could sympathize. Charlie. He was the only hesitation that I had. I was convinced that I could make this work. I would be different, of that I was certain. The horrors that had struck newborn vampires would not strike me in the same way. I was prepared. Charlie had finally trusted me enough to take that fishing trip that he had saved for an eternity for and it seemed like the perfect time to me. He would be gone for twelve more days. I was of age, I could certainly move in with my boyfriend if I wanted to. He would be upset, turn purple yelling, but he would get used to the idea. Charlie would probably rather hear that I was a vampire before he would want me to introduce him to my husband.
I felt the cool breeze brush my cheek before I saw him standing behind me. I could only hope that once this was all over I would be able to get one over on him once in a while. "You scared me." He had a bag. That was a good sign. He sat somberly on my rocking chair and waved me over to join him. I sat squarely on his cool lap and did my best to keep my breathing regular. There was nothing I could do about my erratic heartbeat which gave me away every time.
"Of course my family is supportive. I think they love you more than they love me these days." I could think of one exception to that rule and I could only hope that Rosalie would come around and warm up to me once I was through subjecting her family to scrutiny. "Alice is pissed because I told her she couldn't come, of course she has plans to come anyway you know."
"I don't want anyone else to see me until it's done". I was hopeful that our previous arrangement would hold up now that it was so close to reality.
"About that..."
"Oh. No. You. Don't." I knew this was coming. I knew he would never hold up his end of the deal. "You promised." I was in tears, involuntarily. "I finally tell you that I will rise above my fear of marriage and now you are backing out...not fair."
"I am not backing out of the deal, I just don't want to be alone when it happens." I saw fear and sadness in his eyes. "I don't know that I can do it. I don't know if I will have the control to stop. What if I cannot stop Bella, how could I ever forgive myself?"
"I trust you." And I did. I trusted that he could do it. There was nothing, in my mind, that Edward could not do. "It's worth the risk to me Edward, let's go."