Having to scrub Lisa Cuddy's office toilet... that was a bit harsh for a punishment. And so below House that he still couldn't believe Cuddy actually meant it. She was telling him his punishment for breaking her toilet would be to clean it for a month.
He was a doctor damn it! What's more, the best around here! No way he was going to give in to such bullshit, as he sharply replied to her (and to Wilson when he would later recount his little altercation with Cuddy). But Cuddy refused to further discuss the matter, concluding that when you broke something, you had to fix it. To which he suggested that if she was really talking about him breaking her heart over that kiss they had shared, he could perfectly fix it with a good night of hot love making. Or just sex really. Happy to help.
The hurt look she gave him told him he had gone too far once again and he quickly limped out of her office before she committed an act that would both lead her to prison and him to his grave sooner than expected (and his expectations weren't especially high).
"Why would you
even say that?!" Wilson exclaimed once House had put him in the
picture.
"To make her change her mind?"
"... By
hurting her feelings?"
"By telling her the truth.
She's doing this to me because she has the hots for me and she wants
to keep me around."
"Yeah, it cannot possibly be because
you showed her disrespect by breaking into her restroom and literally
breaking her toilet. It has to be because she cannot get over that
kiss. A kiss you gave her by the way." Wilson replied,
rolling his eyes.
"To which she responded, you back stabbing
friend!" House countered in an over dramatic way.
"You
know, from the outside, it really seems like you're the one who
cannot get past that kiss, not the other way around."
And
before House could protest with a sarcastic and yet oh so spiritual
joke, Wilson quickly added:
"So get over it and just be nice
for once. Or if it's too hard for you to act like a human being, just
do the right thing and accept Cuddy's demand."
House
watched his friend walk out of the cafeteria and grumbled that Prince
Charming Wilson could just get lost with his niceness and
self-righteousness.
And his friend's advice (or order, House was
still not sure which one it had been) was certainly not the reason
why he was now standing inside Cuddy's office, trying to look his
usual, asshole self so that she wouldn't think she had won or
anything.
"What is it House? I'm busy and have already
seen you too much in the past few hours."
"And you
haven't seen all of me for more than twenty years, wanna change
that?"
She looked daggers at him but before she ordered him to get lost, he sighed:
"I came here in the first place to tell you that I've hired someone to clean your toilet for a month, at my own expense, because I wouldn't want to waste my time, and thus your hospital's money, on... that."
Cuddy was obviously taken aback, probably not expecting him to agree with the punishment. He decided to take advantage of her silence and added before leaving with a smug smile on his lips:
"And also to tell you that your breasts look really great in that new blouse of yours."
