Tim trekked through the quiet hallway on his way to Tony's apartment. The senior agent had called him the moment Tim had gotten home, telling him he needed to see him in person to talk about an emergency situation. Normally, Tim, tired from a long day of work and looking forward to a nice bubble bath, would have ignored the request. But an urgency in Tony's voice made his reconsider, which was why he was in the hallway of Tony's apartment building and not relaxing in a tub of foamy bubbles.
When he turned the corner, he saw he wasn't the only one whose evening plans had been interrupted.
"Palmer? What are you doing here?"
"Tony called me," Jimmy explained. "Uh, he said it was an emergency."
"Me too," Tim said. "But I figured it had something to do with the team."
"Maybe someone's hurt."
Tim considered the theory, but shook his head. "He'd have just told us that. It must be something pretty important, though."
Jimmy knocked on the door and both men heard hurried footsteps approaching the door from within. The door was flung open, revealing an excited Tony. "Finally! I thought you guys would never get here!" he exclaimed as he pulled them inside and slammed the door closed.
Tim frowned and smoothed down his jacket where Tony had grabbed him. "What's going on, Tony?"
"We have a mission."
"We? Gibbs called this in?"
"This is off the book, Probie."
"Off the book?" Tim asked skeptically. "Is this legal?"
Jimmy tentatively raised his hand. "Uh…I'm not equipped to go on missions…"
"Man up, Palmer! You don't need a gun for this mission."
"Uh, will I be in danger?"
Tony pursed his lips as he mulled over the question. Tim and Jimmy exchanged glances, taking Tony's sudden silence to the question as a bad thing. "Tony…?" Tim asked. "What is this mission exactly?"
"Men…we are going on a mission that all men must go on in their lives."
"Tony! Tell me what this is or I'm out of here."
The older agent grabbed Tim's shoulder and pulled him back. "Hold your horses, McAntsy! I'll give you the low-down."
"So what's the mission?"
Tony looked back and forth between the two of them, a feline grin spreading across his face. "Tonight…we go on a panty raid."
Tim rolled his eyes with a groan as Jimmy furrowed his brow. "A panty raid?" the med student asked. "You mean like stealing underwear from girls?"
"Why am I not surprised?" Tim said. "You call us down here for some stupid thing!"
"Stupid?! Panty raids are not stupid! They are a cornerstone in the development of young boys and men everywhere!"
"Uh, whose panties were you planning to raid?" Jimmy asked.
"I'm glad you asked, Palmer," Tony said as he hooked his arms around the shoulders of Tim and Jimmy. "I have it on very good authority that our very own Officer David will be staying over at the apartment of a certain Goth forensic scientist."
Tim's eyes bulged in their sockets and it took him a moment to find any words to say. "You want to break into Abby's apartment—a girl who can kill you without leave a lick of evidence—and raid her panties along with those of a trained assassin who can make a weapon out of any Office Depot item?" he recited incredulously. "Are you crazy?!?"
"Maybe I am, Timothy," Tony said solemnly, "maybe I am. But if we pull this off, it will go down in history as the greatest panty raid in the history of the world!"
"And if we don't pull it off, it will go down in history as the most painful torture any of us has ever suffered!"
"Come on, McGee! Don't you want to live a little?"
"I want to live, DiNozzo," Tim said, "and I don't see that happening if you pull me along in this childish prank."
Tony threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Help me out, Palmer! Don't you want to tell whatever children you may someday spawn that you pulled off one of the greatest panty raids ever?"
"Uh…"
"Darn right you do!" Tony affirmed. "Are we not men?"
"Tony, there is no 'Man's Handbook' that decrees a guy must go on a panty raid to complete manhood."
"Well…it could be fun," Jimmy spoke up softly. Tony and Tim both turned their attention to him, the former with a look of glee and the latter with a look of shock.
"Palmer, you're not serious!"
"Why not, McGee?"
"Did you miss when I mentioned the pain and the assassin and the whole not leaving behind any evidence stuff?" Tim ranted.
"Hey! Don't diss Palmer just because he's got a backbone and you wish you had one," Tony admonished as he chummily slung an arm around Jimmy's shoulder. "We can just go without you. Leave the little mouse behind while the manly men do manly men things."
"I don't see how grabbing girly underwear is manly, DiNozzo."
"Look, McGee, just tell me now," Tony said sternly with the solemnity of a general speaking to his troops, "are you going to take part in a historic panty raid or are you going to go home and sit in a girly bubble bath for the night?"
The young computer geek looked back and forth between Tony and Jimmy, feeling completely defeated. After all, if Jimmy wasn't even going to side with him, how was he supposed to win? As much as he was wary of Tony's sinister plot, he wasn't going to look like a chicken. If anything went hinky, though, he was more than prepared to throw a certain cinema loving playboy under the bus.
"Fine, DiNozzo. But I swear, if this backfires, I will make your life miserable!"
Tony barely acknowledged the threat. Instead, he placed his hand out, nodding to both Tim and Jimmy to do the same. With their hands stacked, Tony announced, "Men…we are about to undertake a mission so dangerous and potentially fatal that one of us may not make it out alive. Yet in this mission, we take a stand for men everywhere. What we do on this night, will forever be remembered and revered. We will go down as legends. And no amount of pain or torture will ever be able to take that away."
The other two men exchanged worried glances, but didn't interrupt.
"And now, let us go forth…and raid some panties!"
AN: This is only three chapters! One per day!