Notes: Written for Queer_Fest 2013.
"Noah!" The somewhat familiar voice calls down the hall, and Noah has to do a double take to make sure whoever it is means him. He isn't used to anyone but Jake calling him out yet.
"Oh, hey Gia," Noah smiles at her, and he finishes gathering the books out of his locker.
"Hey Noah, you want to go for a walk?" Gia asks, and Noah gives her a sidelong look.
"A walk?" He asks, uncertain. Why would Gia want to walk with him?
"Yeah, you know, chat, get to know each other," Gia says enthusiastically, and Noah nods slowly.
"Right, um, okay?" He agrees, and Gia smiles brightly.
Oh course, Emma, Jake and Troy choose that moment to find them.
"Okay, Gia," Jake begins, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "I'm buying the smoothies today, and no arm wrestling out of it!"
Gia uncomfortable shrugs out of Jake's grasp. "Actually Jake, I'm not headed to the juice bar today. Noah and I are going for a walk."
"Oh," Emma says, and her face brightens considerably. "A walk? How nice! Well, have fun!" She tells Gia, and Gia gives her a look that seems… conspiratorial?
"Yeah," Jake seems to agree, but Noah knows his uncomfortable voice, "A walk! Fantastic!"
Troy takes that moment to interject about calling them if there's trouble, and gently scolds Gia about the several times she's tried to handle things on their own.
Jake tugs Noah's arm and then looks at him with a quick suspicious glare. "A walk?" he asks.
Noah rolls his eyes at his ridiculous best friend. "It's a walk, Jake. Don't worry, I'll be sure to fill you in on all of it, from the glorious bouncing of her hair to how many brilliant smiles she flashes." Noah says sarcastically, and he tugs his arm our of Jake's grip.
But Jake smiles at him, that half crooked smile that no one else seems to find endearing. "You're a good friend, man."
Noah doesn't physically wince, but his stomach turns a little every time he hears that word.
"Okay, yes, thank you captain," Gia says jokingly, and she grabs Noah's arm and drags him away from the others towards the doors. "It's a walk, Troy! We'll be fine!"
They walk past the park into one of the really wealthy residential areas with beautiful landscaping before Gia says anything other than "Emma would love that tree" or "I should collect some of those quartz crystals for Emma".
"So Noah," Gia says casually, and Noah looks at her. Three, he counts internally as she smiles at him warmly again. "I know we're not best friends, not yet, but I hope we will be. You seem like a really good guy. And I was sort of wondering if I could ask a favor of you."
Noah nods, shrugging his backpack around on his shoulders. "Sure, Gia. Anything I can help you with is my pleasure."
Gia smiles again, and Noah counts four. "Okay, well, here's the thing. You're Jake's best friend, right?"
Noah sighs. "Yeah, we're best friends," and he tries not to say it like it's a bad things, but… he thinks maybe it comes off a little annoyed.
"Okay, so, how to say this," Gia says, and she chews her lip as they walk. "Yeah, there isn't an easy way. I know Jake has a crush on me, I mean, everyone knows it. People on Aquitar know it. The watchers on the wall of Westeros know it, you know?"
Noah can't help but smile a little. Jake can sometimes be a bit obtuse. "I get the picture."
"And it would be fine, except that I'm sort of already involved with someone else," Gia says, and Noah frowns.
"Who?" He wonders, and then feels bad about prying. "I mean, um, I've never seen you with anyone-"
"Yes you have," Gia says, grinning ruefully. "Every day. All the time, really."
Noah frowns, thinking again. Troy? But they barely speak to each other. The only person Gia is with every day is… oh.
"Yeah, take a minute, put it together," Gia says with a laugh, and then Noah looks up at her for confirmation.
"You and Emma?" He asks, and he feels both relieved and more nervous.
Gia nods. "Yeah. I mean, we're not out, not in a broad sense, but my parents know and her guardians know, but there wasn't ever a reason to be real public with it… until now."
"Jake has no idea," Noah adds, trying to apologize for him. "It's not even the sort of thing that would cross his mind. I mean, he's not a bad guy, he just, he doesn't always think things though."
"Noah, I know he's not a bad guy. I also know that you know him better than anyone," Gia smiles again, but Noah has stopped counting.
His heart sinks. "You want me to tell him."
"Would you?" Gia asks, making a pleading face. "I'd tell him, but I think he might take it the wrong way, and assume that I'm playing a joke on him? If it came from you, I mean… you could make him understand that he's being sort of, inappropriate, right?"
Noah frowns, hangs his head to think. If he could make Jake understand things, if he was brave enough or smart enough to make Jake understand things, there were a lot of things he'd make sure Jake knew. But he doesn't always know how to talk to Jake about things, because sometimes Jake makes him feel funny and he hasn't ever wanted to risk losing the only friend he's ever had, the only person who could look past what he was on the outside and just be his friend.
Except that here is Gia, confessing that she's an other, too. That she and Emma are both different like him, if not on the awkward outside than at least on the inside that matters. He's never run into another person who might actually get it… and now he has two.
And if Gia trusts him enough to tell him this, if she and Emma made the decision that he, Noah, was worthy of their trust… then maybe they are worthy of his, too.
"I could try to talk to him," Noah agrees, and Gia smiles at him and claps him on the shoulder.
"That means a lot, Noah," she says, and Noah nods.
"Could I ask you something else?" Noah starts, and Gia is nodding like she's about to say 'sure' when their morphers sound the alert.
"Hah," Gia laughs, pulling hers out, "For once it wasn't me who got caught off guard! Go for Gia," she answers, but Noah slams his hand over her morpher.
"No, wait," he says, uncertain when he'll get another chance, "I really need to talk to you about something."
Gia pushes his hands off her morpher. "Noah, later! This is more important!"
It seems there's always something more important.
After the battle, it's late, and everyone heads their separate ways, save for Jake and Noah, who walk to their neighborhood together, like always.
"Hey, so what happened on your walk today, man?" Jake asks immediately, and Noah grips his backpack.
"She smiled four times and her hair was unusually bouncy today," Noah says calmly, and Jake laughs like he's made a joke, slaps him on the shoulder and turns to walk backwards.
"Oh come on, what did you guys talk about?" Jake wants to know. "It was about me, wasn't it?"
"In a matter of speaking," Noah agrees. He hasn't actually had any time to figure out how to tell Jake about Gia and Emma. Or how to tell him anything else, for that matter.
And it doesn't matter, not really. It isn't as though Gia being unattainable will suddenly make Jake see him. He's had years to see Noah, and he's always looked right past him. Noah figures this won't change that at all.
"She was asking you all about me, wasn't she?" Jake says, stroking his chin in what he thinks is probably a devilish way. "She's playing hard to get but she's into me, prying my best friend for information, what a minx!"
Noah rolls his eyes. "She'd punch you if she ever heard you talk about her like that. And that wasn't what we talked about."
Jake frowns, looks over at him. "What? But you said you were talking about me."
"Yeah," Noah agrees, and he can't help the curve of his lips at Jake's bafflement. "But not about your devilish good looks," he teases, and he reaches out and gives Jake a push in the chest.
Jake catches his hand, yanks Noah forward and around, twists his arm around his back. "Oh, I see, so just about my roguish charm and amazing personality," he jokes back as Noah tries to struggle out of his hold.
"That wasn't exactly the way she put it," Noah laughs, using his foot to trip Jake up and free his arm. Jake laughs and they spend a minute walking apart from each other while Jake readjusts his shoe and Noah rubs at his arm.
Jake meanders back over to him, and bumps his shoulder against Noah's. "Come on man, what happened?"
Noah sighs, his pace slowing as they reach his house. "You're not going to believe me if I tell you."
"Oh, come on," Jake says, waving him off, "What, did you braid each other's hair and sing campfire songs?"
Noah shakes his head, already heading up to his door.
"Aw man, come on, don't leave me hanging!" Jake pouts at the driveway, throwing his arms out to the side angrily.
"Noah, Jake? That you?" Noah's mom calls from inside. "Jake, come on in. Your mom called, she had to take up an extra shift at the hospital tonight so you're staying for dinner!"
Jake frowns for half a second, but then his face returns to normal, and he calls, "Thanks Mrs. C!"
Noah looks over at Jake as they stand at the door.
Jake shrugs. "Just gives me more time to get it out of you," he teases, and then he yanks open the door to Noah's house and runs inside to chat up Noah's parents.
After dinner, they sit in the kitchen and pull out their homework, which Noah makes an effort at and Jake mostly pushes around the table, shuffling things to pretend like he's doing work.
"So, what did you guys really talk about?" Jake asks again, thumbing through his biology text book.
"Stuff," Noah says, because even though he had all of dinner to think through, he still hasn't figured out the right way to tell Jake about Gia and Emma.
"Stuff," Jake mimics, and he gives Noah a look. "Dude, come on, bro code man."
"You've still never explained to me what that's supposed to mean," Noah says, half heartedly doing an equation that he'll probably let Jake copy.
"It means we're bro's, and we help each other out, man!" Jake says exasperatedly, tapping his pencil against his notebook.
"And doing your homework for you when you're too lazy to do it yourself doesn't fulfill the bro code?" Noah wonders, passing his finished algebra homework over to Jake.
Jake takes the notebook, but he doesn't immediately look at it. He takes a minute to stare at Noah.
"What?" Noah wonders, giving Jake one of his own obnoxious faces.
"Is something wrong?" Jake asks, and Noah stops. "I mean… is everything okay?"
Noah just looks back at him for a moment. "Why wouldn't it be?"
"Well, you're not telling me something, and you've never not told me something, right?" Jake asks, and Noah feels the strange feeling in his stomach bubble up and he gets uncomfortable. "So either Gia said something that's gonna hurt me and you're trying to protect me, or…"
"Or?" Noah wonders what else Jake might be extrapolating.
"I don't know. I can't think of another reason you'd keep something from me," Jake admits, and he sets down the notebook absently.
"I can," Noah says without thinking, and then immediately regrets it.
"What?" Jake asks, leaning forward, homework forgotten.
Noah shrugs, uncomfortable, wishing he hadn't said anything. "You're right, I'd keep things from you if it was going to hurt you, but I'd also keep things from you if it was… going to hurt me."
"What could you possibly tell me that's going to hurt you?" Jake asks, and he looks genuinely concerned, like he gets that there's something important going on that he's been missing, and that's unusual. He only ever seems to get things that quickly when they affect Noah, and Noah thinks that must mean he's important to Jake somehow.
"I," Noah stumbles, uncertain. "Gia and I did talk about you. But we also talked about Emma. And Gia wanted me to, to try to explain to you that she isn't interested in you because she's interested in someone else."
Jake frowns, considering. "Who else is she interested in?"
Noah plays with his pencil on the table nervously. "Emma."
Jake stares at him for a minute, face unchanging. And then suddenly he laughs, brings both hands up to his face to laugh into them. Noah is worried he doesn't get it, that he thinks Noah is joking, but then Jake leans back in his chair and shakes his head. "Oh man, she's into chicks? Man, no wonder I kept striking out. You know to be honest that's sort of relieving? I was starting to think there was something wrong with me! That it was me she didn't like, you know? But if she's into chicks then it can't be helped, I'm not a complete loser!" Jake laughs, and Noah grins at him because of course, of course Jake would think of himself first.
"I'm glad you're taking it so well," Noah says, "Gia will be relieved."
"But hey," Jake says, and he leans forward again, his face serious, "I don't get how telling me that hurts you."
Noah shrugs, looks back down at his homework as casually as he can.
"Unless there's something else you're not telling me?" Jake guesses slowly, and his face gets concerned. He reaches out, puts a hand on Noah's shoulder. "Noah, you know you can tell me anything. We're bros!"
Noah sighs, presses his lips together in a sad smile. "Yeah, we're bros."
"So what is it?" Jake asks.
Noah considers, wondering how many shocks Jake can take in a night. And really, if there is any point in saying anything at all, because even if he's able to convey some of what he means, Jake will just start trying to set him up with guys instead of girls. And if he conveys all of what he wants to say, that it's Jake whom he'd like to be set up on a date with, he risks losing Jake altogether. And having Jake as a bro is the best thing that ever happened to Noah, and he just isn't sure he can risk it. He isn't sure what's worse: keeping his feelings from Jake and being best friends, or not having Jake at all in the end.
"Noah?" Jakes asks, giving Noah's arm a squeeze.
Noah takes a deep breath before he blurts out, "What if I was like Gia and Emma?"
Jake frowns. "Like Gia and Emma how?"
Noah raises his eyes to Jake's, gives him a hard look, a look that says 'you know how' and Jake keeps his face surprisingly calm.
"Like…" Jake starts, and he raises his hand from Noah's arm to gesture around in the air, "Gay?"
"Like gay," Noah confirms, and he's gripping his pencil so tight he thinks he might break it.
Jake leans back in his chair, his face considering. He's watching Noah like he's looking for the thing he missed, the giant stamp that should have been on Noah's forehead, the same thing he'd missed with Gia and Emma. His brow is furrowed like he's thinking harder about this than anything he's ever thought about, and it makes Noah so nervous.
"So what if I was?" Noah asks again, and he shuffles some of the papers around on the table for something to do.
"I don't know, man," Jake admits, scratching the back of his head. "Are you?"
"Jake?" Noah's mom calls from the living room. "Your mom's here!"
Jake drops his hand, lets out a long deep breath as he looks at Noah. "Look, we'll talk tomorrow, okay?"
Noah nods, feeling sick to his stomach. "See you tomorrow."
They don't talk about it the next day. In fairness, the day gets pretty busy when two different monsters show up, end up fighting each other, and then fuse together to be twice as powerful, requiring new weapons and a new zord combinations to defeat.
They're all exhausted afterward, so Noah doesn't give Jake's lack of talkativeness much thought.
But then they don't talk about it the next day, or the next, and the one after that. And after a while, Noah gets it. They aren't talking about it. It isn't okay.
But things between them remain normal, so at least he hasn't lost Jake entirely. And if Jake is a little more reserved around him, it he hesitates before putting his arm around Noah's shoulders after a battle, well. Noah doesn't blame him. He's still trying to be a good friend, and that's all Noah can ask for.
Noah isn't exactly sure what he had expected to happen. He doesn't want to admit it to himself, but he eventually does tell Emma that learning about her and Gia had given him a little bit of hope for his crush on Jake.
"Does he know?" She asks, concerned, and Noah shrugs.
"Sort of?" Noah answers. "We never really got to talk about all of it. And we shouldn't, I guess, I mean, he's been really good about trying to keep things the same and I don't want to wreck that."
Emma goes silent, and she twists her mouth to the side for a few minutes.
"What?" Noah wonders.
"Noah, it may seem like Jake is trying to be a good friend by ignoring your sexuality, but…" Emma shrugs, looking sympathetic. "Good friends support you. And I do believe that Jake is a good friend to you, but I think you need to talk to him about it again. Maybe he's ignoring the situation for another reason."
"What other reason?" Noah wonders, curious.
"Maybe he's scared of his own feelings," Emma suggests, and Noah wonders. "You never know," Emma continues comfortingly, "He might surprise you. I've seen a lot of friendships survive worse things than one having a crush on the other."
It's hard to listen to Emma. Noah tries for weeks to find the right way to bring it up again with Jake, but things just always feel so easy when they're together that Noah doesn't have the heart to jeopardize it.
A month goes by. And then one day, Jake and Noah are walking home, like always, and Jake stops.
"Noah?" Jake asks, and Noah turns to face him with a question on his face.
"Jake?" Noah echoes, smiling.
Jake grins. "Hey," Jake says, and he comes closer to Noah, "I'm sorry man."
Noah shakes his head. "What for?"
"You told me something important last month, and I wasn't ready to hear it or deal with it. And it shouldn't have been about what I needed, you know, it should have been about you," Jake says slowly, and Noah feels a little bit uncomfortable. "And I'm sorry if I handled it badly, but there were just some things I needed to figure out first, you know?"
Noah nods. "You handled it fine," Noah says, and he shuffles his feet, wanting to keep walking.
"No, I handled it like a jerk," Jake laughs, and he shuffles, too. "I made it about me when it was about you, and I ignored it and probably made you feel terrible," he says, and Noah feels something tight inside him releasing, because Jake is okay, Jake is okay with him, Jake understands. "You deserved better from me, Noah."
"This isn't like you," Noah says, and he can't help but grin. "Being all," he gestures "Well informed and eloquent."
Jake laughs, reaches over and shoves Noah's shoulder. "Yeah, okay, so Gia may have kicked some sense into me about the whole thing."
"Kicked?" Noah wonders, amused.
"Oh yeah, I have the bruises to show for it!" Jake says, and he cradles his ribs a little. "Look man, I just want you to know that whatever you decide, whatever happens, we're good. I mean it. We're always going to be friends, no matter what happens between us."
Noah hesitates, because… "Between us?"
Jake looks at him for a long, hard minute, and then he nods. "Yeah, between us."
And there's something there, something really, really important that Jake is being incredibly casual about, and suddenly Noah panics because does Jake know it's there? Is Jake aware of what he's just said and done to Noah's flipping stomach? "I," he tries, and then he gets a little flustered, "Can we say what we mean?"
Jake laughs, and he pushes past Noah with an affectionate jostle, leaving Noah to catch up to him after a moment. "That's rich, coming from the guy with the vocabulary of a computer!"
Noah smiles, punches Jake in the arm, and tries to think of something to say.
It's Jake, though, who breaks the silence after a moment of walking in the fading light. "So Emma thinks we should double date," he says casually, and Noah can't help it, he laughs a ridiculously gleeful laugh.
"You're serious?" Noah says, and Jake just rolls his eyes.
"Man, don't make this weird," Jake warns, but his eyes are warm, and when Noah reaches over to pull Jake in for the kind of hug he's been wanting for years, Jake wraps his arms around Noah and turns his head in, making their lips meet in a quick, neat kiss.
It shocks Noah, and he freezes, letting his grip tighten on Jake's T-shirt for just a moment, and then Jake is pulling away, all cool and suave, acting, like usual, as though everything has gone according to his plan.
And then he ruins it by saying, "Can I still copy your algebra homework if we're dating, or are you going to get all moral on me?"
And Noah laughs, punches Jake in the shoulder, and they hold hands the rest of the way home.