This is something that popped up in my head and took a few days to grew to be this.
Beware with the feels lol
Sadly any of these characters are mine.
The first time they discussed it, they didn't exactly discuss it, and Robin noticed how uncomfortable Regina became.
"Why are you asking me this?"
"Just curiosity, my love," Robin replies, unsure as to why she seems so unnerved about the subject. He brings her closer to his chest and drops a kiss in her forehead. "After all, we are not under a curse anymore, which means we are going to age normally now and I was just wondering if…,"
"I don't want to talk about this, Robin," she cuts him off, feeling her throat close, tears threatening to fall. "I went through it twice," her voice trembles, and he feels her face pressed tightly against his chest. He respects her wishes, and from that day on he chose to conceal the subject in the back of his mind.
The second time, Robin is the one surprised by her sudden interest in the subject.
"I think I owe you an answer," she speaks calmly, while absentmindedly rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand.
"What do you mean?" He asks, genuinely confused.
"Remember when you asked me if I wanted to die before or after you?" He is the one surprised this time, once he was sure she was never going to bring this subject back. It has been over a year since he first came up with the uncomfortable question.
"Yes, yes I do," he looks at her, and takes her hands in his, squeezing them lightly. He goes on to reassure her that it's perfectly fine if she doesn't want to talk about it.
"No, I want to," she tells him and shifts in her sit to face him, "It was a fair question at the time, especially after everything we went through. And I think I want to go first," she tells him with a peaceful look in her eyes. She takes a deep breath and waits.
"Why?" It's not exactly hard for him to process the idea, but he wants to understand the reason behind her answer.
"Because I don't want to mourn again, I don't want to spend hours thinking about all the things we could be doing together. I don't want to be consumed by loneliness again," she explains, averting her eyes from his, hiding years of loneliness and sadness she had to go through on her own.
"I know what you mean, but I'm quite sure this is not going to be traumatic," he quips, trying to lighten the mood, but it doesn't work. Her body tenses. He knows she's talking about Daniel and understands these fears perfectly well.
"It's going to be different, Regina," he tries to assure her that now things will follow the natural way.
"It's not that, Robin. I just don't want to go through this again. It happened twice and it is enough for me."
He says nothing, just puts his arm around her, thinking about her words. Robin grows quiet as they wait for another hour before they board their flight.
The third time, Robin tells her why he asked that.
"I've never told you why I asked if you wanted to go before or after me," she frowns, not grasping the meaning of his words. He picks a piece of paper with something scribbled in it and hands it to her. "This is what I want written in my tombstone when I'm gone," Regina is taken aback and hands it back to him.
"Don't worry, I won't do it for you. I will go first, you know it," this time she tries to lighten the mood, and he thinks she's being absurd. She can't go before him.
"Why are you so sure?" He looks at her with a mix of curiosity and fear.
"I just am. I told you, I don't want to experience those feelings ever again," she squeezes his hands and adds, "Don't worry, you'll learn how to live without me."
"That is something I refuse to do," he replies. Her eyes are calm when he takes her chin in his hands, making her look at him. "I don't want to know how life is without you," he kisses her lips gently and holds her tightly to his chest.
"I think we are in a very peaceful disagreement right now, but I'm a queen, and I will have my wish granted. Mark my words," she is the trying to lighten the mood again. Robin just takes a deep breath and holds her closer. A minute later the twins come running in their bedroom, rambling about some flying creature they just spotted roaming above the forest.
When it actually happens, she has her wish granted.
He is holding a red rose in his right hand, looking at the place where they placed her.
His hair is all white, face as old as the adventures he used to talk about to his grandchildren. He still sports his dimples, even if he doesn't feel like smiling all that much anymore.
Robin misses her, daily. He thinks that she would've loved to know that Henry is back in Storybrooke with his family, so he tells her. He knows she was going to laugh if she learned that Neal hasn't changed a bit, still getting himself in trouble because he believes that heroes cannot be in danger, they just have bumps on the way, so he tells her.
He tells her everything. He wants her to know everything just to feel like she is still there. Sometimes it works.
There's a small smile in his lips when the rain starts to fall.
Every year he comes four times, and every time rain falls on him. He's convinced that it is her doing. He knows it is not logical to think like that, but he misses her and he wants to believe that somehow she is still there with him. He thinks that the day it doesn't rain when he's visiting it will mark the year he will join her. It's a comforting thought. The rain falls gently over him when he gets up and leaves, just like he has been doing for the last 10 years.
Four months later he's sitting again on the ground, rose in hand. The sky is blue and clear, the sun shining and warming his old bones. He smiles when he gets up because it didn't rain. She's telling him they will be together again, soon.
Are you guys okay? Right, thanks for reading!