Hello my Boohoos :)

I am new here and this is my first ff. Further english is not my motherlanguage but I try to improve my skills. I think it is a great way because I need it for a special program in university.

I also do not have a Beta reader. Because I have no friends who would not judge. I am sorry.

Further I want to apologize if words are used in the wrong way or the grammar is incorrect. I try my best but often words with the same meaning are used in differen context and I simply could not figure it out.

Please let me know.

Therfore please help me out. Correct me, criticizes me and you get a lot of love back.

I wish I could tell you where the ff is going but I have no clue.

So have fun and enjoy the stay.

"CAS!!" Dean screamed from his room. Half asleep and half angry. How could this angel just so amazingly fail to understand what it means to be human. He was human before and now were his grace was back it seemed that he forgot that humans need sleep.

Especially HE need HIS sleep. But the Music which was now screaming out of Castiel's room was way too loud.

He could live with the fact that his best friend discovered One Direction and decided out of unexplainable reason to love them but it is definitely to much to get woken up at three in the morning to those pupescent teenage boys singing about girls. What Irony when it is rumored that two of them are actually having a secret relationship.

Those are things he wished not to know. And why does he know that?! Because Cas stormed into his room, one evening and were asking what a "otp" is and why everyone on the internet is talking about Larry even though there is no Larry in the Band.

Full of anger he stormed to Castiel's room. He hammered against the door and shouted at his best friend. Finally he opened the door. The music were louder than before and the voices of those teenage boys boom out of the bluetooth boxes. Castiel really liked that song. That is maybe why he catched himself singing "that what makes you beautiful oh-oh" a couple of days ago. As he realized that he is singing the lines of probably the wirst music band ever he slammed his head against the wooden wall. He did not planed it, it kinda just happened. He never thought that he would remember something like this. The angel really did not have a good influence on him. It is totally annoying to catch himself mumbling "my precious, my precious" in the voice of the gollum while opening the door to his baby. He never even watched the movies. But Castiel did and told him everything about it.

There he was. Castiel. In Pyjamas. He never saw him in pyjamas before. Dean was just shocked that he forget to scream at him for the nighttime disturbance. The scenery was to weird. Dean thoughts went blank as Castiel stand there with his nightshirts covered in imprints of black and yellow bees and under it rainbow and unicorn swat pants with glitter. Damit this Angel really did not got that he totally look gay in those. With a smirk on his smile and the magical words which Dean could not live without Cas' mouth opened and said "Hello Dean!". Dean looked at him and try not to stare but all he manage to say was "Music too loud Cas." There was no way he could take away his eyes from the bees. And why is he even wearing a nightshirt instead of something normal.

"I am sorry Dean. Of course I will turn it down" what he immediately did. "Better?" Cas asked with a soft voice. "Thanks" Dean responded. He did not know what to do and decided to turn around and just leave it.

In his own room which was next to Castiel's Dean had the huge urge to smash his head against the next wall. He could not figure out why he was so affected by the things Castiel does. He loves him for sure but in a non romantic way. He just had the desire to make more out of the friendship they already have. He want him to be his friend for the rest of the time and even he was sure that Castiel would never leave him. Nevertheless he kinda want to guarantee that it stays like that. He does not recall how they became best friends. It does not even matter. The only thing that counts is that they are here together fighting against an archangel. Trying to bring his mom and Jack back from a world he does not want to live in.

Jack.

Jack called Castiel his dad.

Jack trusts Sam.

Both if them have the strong faith in Jack that he won't be evil like his dad and that he can decide which side he wants to belong.

But the truth is. Mainly also a reason why he is so cold towards him is that there is nothing black and white. Only grey. He sees what he and his family is doing for years. Since the night he carried his baby brother out of the house. They always try to fight the evil. They started with ghosts then demons then angels and the freaking devil by himself. They always try to fight for the good and safety but the only thing it brought was pain. So often he could not deal with losing his brother that he act intuitive and without thinking. Often he was only driven by the need to bring Sammy back that he oversaw the consequences that may have and then it got worse. Of course it always got worse. It was kinda their fault. But while trying to fix it they created a bigger threat they need to prevent and so on. The most important thing is that Dean is totally aware of the power Jack holds. Loosing someone who is important to Jack could result in the same behaviour Dean and Sam showed. Loosing control and doing bad stuff which hunts them in their sleep often enough to remember them what mistakes they have done because they could not handle a death of a loved one. He can not let that happen to Jack. Only God knows what this kid is capable of. He is just a few month old but looks like he is in his twenties. He just make himself grow faster for god sake. It is not like he did not wish to be there for him and help him, protect him but the truth is he can't. Not because he fears that Jack loses control. That is only the thing he tells himself to have a logical reason. The irrefutable truth is that he could not bare to leave another child behind which he calls his own. Losing Ben was hard enough. Jack is just so young only a few month old. He has so much to learn. A big part inside Dean screams to take this young nephilm by his hands and show him all the stuff he need to know. Playing Baseball and Football, swimming and playing on the monkey bars. Dean knows that he will never have children on his own. It makes him sad but that is the way it is. Further he could not imagine raising a child in this world full of monsters and pain. He would want a normal life for his child. A life better than his without a dad who thought them how to kill. He would do so much better. Like making dinner, pick them up from school and playing baseball in their yard. A life without fear.

But here he was a hunter unable to have that in his life but constantly facing one of his nightmares when he looks at Jack . Trying the best but end up breaking the soul of his child who never be able to heal from all those traumatizing experiences like his dad did to him and Sammy.

With a groan he let fall himself onto the bed. Shuffling his pillow under his head and upper chest so he had the feeling of sleeping on a big ball off fluffy wool.

Imagine sun rays falling through a window onto him warming his back and that the smell of fresh cut gras after the rain is filling the air. In the distance of his imaginations he could hear water patter and the wind rustle through the wood around him. Hoping that this would give him a peaceful sleep like it does so often.